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Protogenoi
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30 Sep 2014, 10:06 pm

Several years ago, my parents came up with a new rule. The rule was that I was not allowed to play video games unless other people are watching or playing with me. Within two weeks, I stopped playing. My interest was still the video games, but I would only play them when no one else was home. Soon, I found that locks and controls were being put on the devices to stop me from playing late at night, or when others weren't around. I spent most of the next two years in my room trying drawing and writing ideas for video games in large amounts of detail, read, or complete homework.
Eventually, I got a laptop and put games on it, and that restored my freedom to pursue that interest a bit. But I would find my parents accusing me of hating them and claim that I am punishing them for play games in my room rather than hanging out with them. If I tried to tell them that I had spent the last few years not hanging out with them to the same degree they would complain and my mother would go into fits of crying saying that I didn't love her, and then my father would get angry at me...
Now, I have left highschool and they've stopped doing that. I've been forced to move back in with them because I couldn't make it at college. Even though the restrictions have been formally lifted, I find that most of the restrictions are still in place. If I try to play a game on one of my consoles, my parents leave whatever they are doing and watch me play my games.
If there is any mature content or anything the least bit childish in the games they will criticize the games and myself.

I've noticed the same phenomena with other things too. For example, I am not allowed to read for more than 2-3 hours a day. If I read more than that, my father would barge into my room and call me a lazy bastard and then they said that they only wanted me to read if I read in public near where they were.

I don't understand this behavior? Why does it matter if I do a solitary activity in a group rather than a solitary activity in solitary?
I don't think these are normal restrictions, am I right in that assumption?

Sorry for starting two threads tonight.



auntblabby
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30 Sep 2014, 11:13 pm

sounds like your parents are unwilling to acknowledge that you are an adult. I don't know how to ameliorate that.



LtlPinkCoupe
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30 Sep 2014, 11:17 pm

Hmmmm.....they sound kind of passive-aggressive to me. :? Have you tried explaining to them why you like the games (i.e., they make you feel safe, they have characters you like, etc)?


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Tiffany_Aching
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01 Oct 2014, 1:33 am

Sounds like they're concerned about you being anti-social. With a lot of media portraying anyone who plays video games as a potential school shooter (which has been disproven, but y'know how the media is) they could have been concerned that you were being turned into a psychopath.

The other option is that they think they can force you to become neurotypical if they force you to be more social.



babyheart
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01 Oct 2014, 9:05 am

Sounds as if your parents are terrified but don't know how to handle things other than get frustrated and angry. Unfortunately, kids don't come with an instruction manual and parents often do things in ways they wish they could undo but it's too late.

You mentioned them criticizing you and the game that has mature content. That's probably because they see you as still innocent and don't want you to be exposed to sexual stuff in the way sexualization of children is happening through toys, music, media... all unnatural ways rather than through natural development and in legitimate relationships. Unnatural/forced exposure triggers unnatural sexual responses and leads to watching porn, masturbation and a warped sense of relationships and females etc. I feel your parents are trying to protect you from all that. Maybe if they can be assured that you have no interest in the above and just want to play games, they will be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing?


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League_Girl
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01 Oct 2014, 12:25 pm

My mom used to limit my interests too and take them away.

Perhaps they should try and redirect you like take you out or invite you to do something with them so you aren't with your interest all the time or give you other things to do like help around the house.


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01 Oct 2014, 12:31 pm

Maybe the just really miss you and want to spend intimate time with you and don't know how to express that. And they don't realize your needs as an Autistic person that you need to be alone and have your interests.


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01 Oct 2014, 2:41 pm

Tell them that you like to be alone and that doesn't mean at all that you don't love them.

I mean, say that if you do love them. And if you don't, forcing you to spend time with them won't change that.


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GhostNeanderthal
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01 Oct 2014, 4:37 pm

babyheart wrote:
Sounds as if your parents are terrified but don't know how to handle things other than get frustrated and angry. Unfortunately, kids don't come with an instruction manual and parents often do things in ways they wish they could undo but it's too late.

You mentioned them criticizing you and the game that has mature content. That's probably because they see you as still innocent and don't want you to be exposed to sexual stuff in the way sexualization of children is happening through toys, music, media... all unnatural ways rather than through natural development and in legitimate relationships. Unnatural/forced exposure triggers unnatural sexual responses and leads to watching porn, masturbation and a warped sense of relationships and females etc. I feel your parents are trying to protect you from all that. Maybe if they can be assured that you have no interest in the above and just want to play games, they will be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing?


lolwut, the OP is 20 years old. He is not a child. What kind of sexual content he watches is none of his parents' business.

Back to the topic: I think your parents are just clueless idiots. They are not helping you to grow up, instead they are trying to keep you as a little child because they are treating you still like a child. Maybe they are scared of letting go.

From personal experience, aspies need more encouragement in becoming adults, and right now your parents are doing a great disservice to your personal development. A 20 year-old shouldn't be concerned with keeping company with his parents. Your parents should find friends of their own to talk to, while you should be allowed to live your life independently. How else are you ever going to become a real adult?



Protogenoi
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01 Oct 2014, 10:37 pm

The only two M-rated games I have played were The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. Not much sexual content in either. My father plays worse games, like Call of Duty.
They also criticize many of my E-rated and T-rated games for being childish.

As I said, it extends to more than gaming.

Another example might be dinner. About the same time, my parents decided that we would all pray before meals and force us to hold hands. :x
They do know that I hate that. I have expressed my hatred for holding hands many times. They also know I don't want them to watch me play video games. They know why I like the games.



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02 Oct 2014, 4:48 am

Tiffany_Aching wrote:
Sounds like they're concerned about you being anti-social. With a lot of media portraying anyone who plays video games as a potential school shooter (which has been disproven, but y'know how the media is) they could have been concerned that you were being turned into a psychopath.

The other option is that they think they can force you to become neurotypical if they force you to be more social.



Seems they are those types that can't allow their children to live their own lives.



Tiffany_Aching
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02 Oct 2014, 5:11 am

My mum tries to "encourage" me to be more social. It's not because she can't allow me to live my own life. It's because she's extremely extroverted and doesn't understand how I can like being alone all the time. She wouldn't be able to handle that. And because she wants me to be happy, she assumes the thing that would make me happy is the same as what she wants.

I think that's what NT people mean when they talk about "empathy" and "putting yourself into someone else's shoes". They don't mean you should imagine what that individual would want, they mean you should imagine what you would want and project that onto other people.

Usually, when people try to change our behaviour, it's because they have good intentions. Even when their methods of going about it are not well thought through or only cause aggravation on both sides.