any successful relationships in which the girl initiated?

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WantToHaveALife
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08 Oct 2014, 1:09 pm

Just wondering if any girls, women here have ever had a great, long-term relationship, long-term boyfriend in which they pursued the guy first, they made the first move and approached first, started a conversation first, asked him out on a date first, etc.

Yes i know and i am aware of the fact that me being a guy it is not wise or smart to be passive like this, and i don't hold my breath for this, because the overwhelming vast majority of women still expect men to be the initiators when it comes to getting a date, establishing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, etc., but i have known for a while there are some exceptions in which there is a role-reversal, but have any of you women ever pursued, made the first move or asked a guy out first boyfriend and it turned out great, successful? For you guys, men, have you ever been approached by a woman first, asked out by a woman first and there was mutual attraction, it turned out great?

Overall, just wondering if there are any success stories of any dating/relationships that were initiated by the woman, because i hear a lot of arguments from women, they say the reason why they will never approach a guy first or ask a guy out first, initiate with a guy, is because they feel if the woman initiates, the relationship won't turn out as good or last as long as compared to the traditional other way around, but i want to hear success stories to this exception.



Eureka13
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08 Oct 2014, 1:36 pm

I can only think of two long-term relationships I have had that I did *not* initiate, and those were the least successful of any long-term relationships I've had.

There were others that I *tried* to initiate, but got shot down.

So, no, I absolutely don't buy that
a) it has to be the man who makes the first move,
or
b) it's always the women doing the rejecting.



Alevai
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08 Oct 2014, 1:43 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Just wondering if any girls, women here have ever had a great, long-term relationship, long-term boyfriend in which they pursued the guy first, they made the first move and approached first, started a conversation first, asked him out on a date first, etc.

Yes i know and i am aware of the fact that me being a guy it is not wise or smart to be passive like this, and i don't hold my breath for this, because the overwhelming vast majority of women still expect men to be the initiators when it comes to getting a date, establishing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, etc., but i have known for a while there are some exceptions in which there is a role-reversal, but have any of you women ever pursued, made the first move or asked a guy out first boyfriend and it turned out great, successful? For you guys, men, have you ever been approached by a woman first, asked out by a woman first and there was mutual attraction, it turned out great?

Overall, just wondering if there are any success stories of any dating/relationships that were initiated by the woman, because i hear a lot of arguments from women, they say the reason why they will never approach a guy first or ask a guy out first, initiate with a guy, is because they feel if the woman initiates, the relationship won't turn out as good or last as long as compared to the traditional other way around, but i want to hear success stories to this exception.


In my longest-running relationship (5 yrs) , my ex made the first move. She was also the one to break up when she fell in love with someone new. That guy didn't last longer than a few months and she's been jumping from BF to BFF since. Turns out it was her longest relationship too :)



Cafeaulait
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08 Oct 2014, 4:57 pm

Nope, but then again I´ve only dated 2 guys.
The first guy was a lot older than me and it was when I was 15. I told him I had a crush on him. We did not have an official relationship but we did date and experimented. It did turn out to be more of a physical thing for him and it did not end well.
The second pursued me on tinder, but the initiative to go on dates ALWAYS came from my side. It did not work out. We dated casually for 4,5 months. We rarely even talk anymore on facebook.

So, so far me pursuing the guy DID NOT work. My sample size is 2 however and the second guy was an aspie coping with depression (first one a workaholic that thoroughly enjoyed single life).



CMaximus
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08 Oct 2014, 5:32 pm

I've heard the likelihood of successful long term relationships is a lot, lot higher when the woman picks up the guy, yes.

From the one example I can think of right now it seems to be true.



Mindslave
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08 Oct 2014, 7:38 pm

In all three relationships I've had, the gal I dated initiated our relationship. However, looking back on it, technically all three times we both initiated it together. It seemed I didn't initiate because it all happened so fast. The automatic mental machinery did all the work for me. So I suppose that in my case at least, formally seeking out relationships doesn't work for me. Just meeting people works just fine.

And in all three instances, I was trying something new. Hmmmmm...



WantToHaveALife
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08 Oct 2014, 8:03 pm

Mindslave wrote:
In all three relationships I've had, the gal I dated initiated our relationship. However, looking back on it, technically all three times we both initiated it together. It seemed I didn't initiate because it all happened so fast. The automatic mental machinery did all the work for me. So I suppose that in my case at least, formally seeking out relationships doesn't work for me. Just meeting people works just fine.

And in all three instances, I was trying something new. Hmmmmm...


but did she initiate in the sense that she approached you first, started a conversation with you first?



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08 Oct 2014, 8:14 pm

My current girlfriend messaged me 1st after reading a lot of my post here on WP(her SN is Casstranquility but she doesn't post much) & we've been living together two years now.


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WantToHaveALife
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08 Oct 2014, 9:21 pm

nick007 wrote:
My current girlfriend messaged me 1st after reading a lot of my post here on WP(her SN is Casstranquility but she doesn't post much) & we've been living together two years now.


well very glad and awesome to hear that!!



Cafeaulait
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09 Oct 2014, 5:08 am

CMaximus wrote:
I've heard the likelihood of successful long term relationships is a lot, lot higher when the woman picks up the guy, yes.

From the one example I can think of right now it seems to be true.


Accoarding to bestselling book 'the rules' it's the other way around. If a man does not pursue a woman he just doesn't fancy her enough. Many men, when pursued, will go with the flow (unlike women) if they find the girl sexually attractive enough while they may not be truly interested in her in any other way. Not my words, but accoarding to this book.



computer_nerd8196
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09 Oct 2014, 5:56 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Accoarding to bestselling book 'the rules' it's the other way around. If a man does not pursue a woman he just doesn't fancy her enough. Many men, when pursued, will go with the flow (unlike women) if they find the girl sexually attractive enough while they may not be truly interested in her in any other way. Not my words, but accoarding to this book.


I initiated all of my relationships. None of them were great. I would agree with this ^ based on my experience. However, I did have one long-term relationship where the man really liked me. I got bored though because he didn't make much effort, but he did really like me, because his jaw dropped and he just looked plain shocked when I said it was over, and he followed me home once. That was the time I caught him doing it anyway. I had a short-term relationship where a man really liked me. He used to keep pushing my buttons all the time though. I don't know if that would have happened or if he had taken me more seriously if he had pursued me.

I'm sort of pursuing this man right now, he doesn't appear to be that interested and as you said I think he's just going with the flow. I'm kinda fed up of pursuing now anyway. It's fun and all but I want to be pursued for a change, and properly. No tacky gifts and I want someone who makes me laugh.



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09 Oct 2014, 7:09 am

In the two relationships I had (and the girl I slept with and dating for a little over a week) were all met online and all three initiated contact. I took the "lead" shortly after but looking back, of all the girls I messaged I only got one lousy date out of it. Either I am completely incompetent or its just a waste of time for guys to message girls. In real life relationships I know, the relationships where the girl initiated are universally more successful so take that for what's its worth.



Cafeaulait
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09 Oct 2014, 12:50 pm

computer_nerd8196 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Accoarding to bestselling book 'the rules' it's the other way around. If a man does not pursue a woman he just doesn't fancy her enough. Many men, when pursued, will go with the flow (unlike women) if they find the girl sexually attractive enough while they may not be truly interested in her in any other way. Not my words, but accoarding to this book.


I initiated all of my relationships. None of them were great. I would agree with this ^ based on my experience. However, I did have one long-term relationship where the man really liked me. I got bored though because he didn't make much effort, but he did really like me, because his jaw dropped and he just looked plain shocked when I said it was over, and he followed me home once. That was the time I caught him doing it anyway. I had a short-term relationship where a man really liked me. He used to keep pushing my buttons all the time though. I don't know if that would have happened or if he had taken me more seriously if he had pursued me.

I'm sort of pursuing this man right now, he doesn't appear to be that interested and as you said I think he's just going with the flow. I'm kinda fed up of pursuing now anyway. It's fun and all but I want to be pursued for a change, and properly. No tacky gifts and I want someone who makes me laugh.


Same. I quit pursuing men. All I can do is live my life to the fullest and be the best version of myself. I´ve lost 15 pounds in a few months and I've started doing salsa classes and other sports classes. I am pursuing my second masters degree and I always look good. I try to be sociable and open and a little playful, despite aspie akwardness. That's all I can do. If a guy is truly interested he will ask me to have a drink with him and take take the risk.



WantToHaveALife
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10 Oct 2014, 10:31 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
computer_nerd8196 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Accoarding to bestselling book 'the rules' it's the other way around. If a man does not pursue a woman he just doesn't fancy her enough. Many men, when pursued, will go with the flow (unlike women) if they find the girl sexually attractive enough while they may not be truly interested in her in any other way. Not my words, but accoarding to this book.


I initiated all of my relationships. None of them were great. I would agree with this ^ based on my experience. However, I did have one long-term relationship where the man really liked me. I got bored though because he didn't make much effort, but he did really like me, because his jaw dropped and he just looked plain shocked when I said it was over, and he followed me home once. That was the time I caught him doing it anyway. I had a short-term relationship where a man really liked me. He used to keep pushing my buttons all the time though. I don't know if that would have happened or if he had taken me more seriously if he had pursued me.

I'm sort of pursuing this man right now, he doesn't appear to be that interested and as you said I think he's just going with the flow. I'm kinda fed up of pursuing now anyway. It's fun and all but I want to be pursued for a change, and properly. No tacky gifts and I want someone who makes me laugh.


Same. I quit pursuing men. All I can do is live my life to the fullest and be the best version of myself. I´ve lost 15 pounds in a few months and I've started doing salsa classes and other sports classes. I am pursuing my second masters degree and I always look good. I try to be sociable and open and a little playful, despite aspie akwardness. That's all I can do. If a guy is truly interested he will ask me to have a drink with him and take take the risk.
well you are entitled to do what you want but I'm not a fan of women with that mindset even though they are the majority



DoomNGloom
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10 Oct 2014, 11:09 am

LOL If it had been left up to my husband, I'd likely still be that "really nice woman" he met .... 100%, I initiated. In fact, I told him to stop chasing after a much younger girl who was clearly uninterested in him (he couldn't tell) and pay attention to me because I was going to marry him.


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Cafeaulait
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10 Oct 2014, 1:39 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
computer_nerd8196 wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Accoarding to bestselling book 'the rules' it's the other way around. If a man does not pursue a woman he just doesn't fancy her enough. Many men, when pursued, will go with the flow (unlike women) if they find the girl sexually attractive enough while they may not be truly interested in her in any other way. Not my words, but accoarding to this book.


I initiated all of my relationships. None of them were great. I would agree with this ^ based on my experience. However, I did have one long-term relationship where the man really liked me. I got bored though because he didn't make much effort, but he did really like me, because his jaw dropped and he just looked plain shocked when I said it was over, and he followed me home once. That was the time I caught him doing it anyway. I had a short-term relationship where a man really liked me. He used to keep pushing my buttons all the time though. I don't know if that would have happened or if he had taken me more seriously if he had pursued me.

I'm sort of pursuing this man right now, he doesn't appear to be that interested and as you said I think he's just going with the flow. I'm kinda fed up of pursuing now anyway. It's fun and all but I want to be pursued for a change, and properly. No tacky gifts and I want someone who makes me laugh.


Same. I quit pursuing men. All I can do is live my life to the fullest and be the best version of myself. I´ve lost 15 pounds in a few months and I've started doing salsa classes and other sports classes. I am pursuing my second masters degree and I always look good. I try to be sociable and open and a little playful, despite aspie akwardness. That's all I can do. If a guy is truly interested he will ask me to have a drink with him and take take the risk.
well you are entitled to do what you want but I'm not a fan of women with that mindset even though they are the majority


I think it's a great mindset for me.