Guys how important are are these qualities to you in a girl?

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Caring
Analytical
Calm
Flexible
Looks taken care of
Patient
Inspirational
Respectful
Creative
Independent

Which ones are most important to you and which ones aren't? People assigned me these qualities but I have no luck in love.

Caring~ important
Analytical~ not important
Calm~ a little
Flexible~ doesn't matter
Looks taken care of~ I don't care about looks
Patient~ a little
Inspirational~ doesn't matter
Respectful~ important
Creative~ doesn't matter at all
Independent~ I much rather dependent

Caring -- Not important
Analytical -- Somewhat, it shows intelligence, and I like that
Calm -- Very important. Chill out... I can't deal with people who freak out about every little thing.
Flexible -- Important. Unlike many autistic people, I like to do things spur of the moment.
Looks taken care of -- Not incredibly important, but needs to be some kind of attraction.
Patient -- Very important, this goes hand in hand with Calm.
Inspirational -- Not important
Respectful -- Not that important, beyond basic human respect.
Creative -- Not important
Independent -- Very important. I'll be there if I'm needed but I don't want the responsibility of being the basis for anyone's entire happiness in life.

Last edited by Pabalebo on 12 Oct 2014, 4:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

All are good things. A few aren't as 'critical' as others.

Let me add the one thing that is missing in that list.... which is the same thing that is probably missing in everyone's list (with AS that is) that is the key to it:

Charming.

-Aka, socializing skills. Charm isn't about being an extrovert or hyper social ... its simply the ability to 'connect' with others and with one particular person(s), be better at this 'connection' thing. Your list of qualities is 'the cake' and charm is the 'icing' on it. Without charm/social skills to have someone enticed into spending time with you ...they wont get to know those qualities and more. One of the common themes seen in this forum is people with no luck in love and a very,very short list of friends most if not all of which became friends simply because they somehow (work/class/etc) ended up spending a lot of time together...and those friendships are usually 'distanced' friendships compared to how you see NT's interact with friends.

I think those are amazing qualities but ones that would take awhile for someone to notice and appreciate in you. Sadly life gives us so few chances to interact with someone long enough to see these qualities.

There you have it. Keep in mind that you can't pigeonhole yourself into a series of traits and qualities, because they only give a very general overview of who you are. With love/dating, it's the specifics that make all the difference!

Caring very important
Analytical matters, but as long as she's not dumb as a post its okay
Calm moderately important
Flexible must be accommodating but no need to bend over backward for me
Looks taken care of important. I need to feel some attraction, but being a knockout is not required
Patient clumped with calm
Inspirational not very important
Respectful clumped with caring
Creative 'not boring' is good enough for me
Independent Must be at least trying to move forward in life, but total independence isn't needed

Caring - important
Analytical - not important
Calm - good trait but not necessary
Flexible - not important
Looks taken care of - not important
Patient - good trait but not necessary
Inspirational - not important
Respectful - important (in a relationship, but not towards others)
Creative - not important
Independent - complex trait. It all depends on context. I prefer to create strong bonds, but I also prefer time alone.

Just because our culture think relationships ideally are formed in hours or days, doesn't mean we need to adapt to that. I favor long-term interest and persistence over shallow "dating" any time. In fact, I don't need to know anything about a girl's social position or interests to fall in love with her. More neurodiverse people should drop traditional dating as it was made to fulfill the needs of NTs. As you drop the unnecessary "requirements" in the social domain you gain a larger dating-pool, and then you can narrow it down by concentrating only on people that want to participate in a longer-term contact and bonding process instead.

People won't tell you about the bad qualities which they've assigned for you.

Duh, Boo.

Thanks to the ones that filled in my list!

Looks are important after all in the end a relationship differs from a friendship because of the sexual side. If there is no attraction, then it's a friendship not a relationship. Though it's hard to really describe to others what kind of face I am really attracted to. Because many legitly beautiful movie stars like Natalie Portman, don't really produce any reaction in me.Yes, I see that she is good-looking, but she just doesn't produce a reaction in me. I just instantly know when I see a girl I like. I can't really describe it to others.

After that being caring, respectful and patient are important. Everything else is not so important, although being analytical means that she can converse with me easily. But in the end that is not important. To me a relationship is based entirely in mutual physical attraction, having compatible levels of intro-/extroversion and the mystical "chemistry" thing. Anything else is superfluous. I had all of those with my ex, except she was too extroverted for me.

Essentially we drained each other out. While I wanted to spend time mostly with her, she had the need to go out and meet friends. It's possible to make a compromise, but it isn't ideal. Either I or she was always getting drained. Me because of too much socialising, she because of not enough socialising.

I guess I have no charm and that's why guys never experience chemistry with me. This evening I was in a salsa class and no guy approached me to dance salsa (yes, there were a few more women than men, but still...). I don't know what is up with me.

There was a very physically attractive girl who always appeared uncheerful to me; seemed too unapproachable, never smiling to the point I thought she's kinda stuck up so never made any attempt to talk to her. Then one day by mere coïncidence I've talked to her and I was surprised how cheerfully and friendly she turned out to be; she talked to me non stop that evening.
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Moral of story: Duh...go figure.

Caring - Important
Analytical - depends, but for me important
Calm - meh don't really care
Flexible - Somewhat important
Looks taken care of - not sure
Inspirational - Not really important
Respectful - Important
Creative - Not really important
Independent - Not really important

calm and inspirational are the only ones I don't care about.

I like intelligence (analytical), creative, looks good, and most of all caring. Patience and respectful are great too.

You'll get into a relationship. You just haven't met your future partner yet.