Always moving the wrong speed.

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

16 Oct 2014, 5:41 am

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

Andreger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jul 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 525
Location: Russia - worst country ever

16 Oct 2014, 6:25 am

jerry00 wrote:

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

Maybe different girls need different speed? One prefer long romantic period while another would like you to have sex in few days.

Though I have similar problem as I analyse my unsuccessful datings. But most of time I' was slow, like old-fascioned.

jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

16 Oct 2014, 7:25 am

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

GiantHockeyFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,293

16 Oct 2014, 8:11 am

jerry00 wrote:

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

That makes two of us. I know in the past I scared women away because I was so fast and aggressive but one girl absolutely loved it even though it didn't work out. My last one I respected her wish to take it slow but looking back I realize I *might* have been successful had I ignored her and showed her I was more than just a friend since she has plenty of them. I suppose all I can do is keep at it and eventually I will get it right.

Andreger
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Jul 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 525
Location: Russia - worst country ever

16 Oct 2014, 8:14 am

jerry00 wrote:

I know girls are different the trouble is I can never tell what pace she would like. I can't read them. I might as well be blind or deaf it's like I have a sense missing.

Hmm, so as me. Maybe you (and me as well) should go on our own speed on every attempt? Cause if we can't guess the right speed and there are no speed limit signs around then se should go on comfortable one. The worst to happen - we lose again. The best - we can find girl who would share (or atl leas appreciate) our speed in relations.

How do you think on this?

rdos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

16 Oct 2014, 9:40 am

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

16 Oct 2014, 7:53 pm

rdos wrote:

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

What if he doesn't like it either? Then it's his problem too, and that doesn't sound like much fun for anyone!

I'm with Andreger, go with the pace you like each time. A decent, interested person will talk to you about it before giving up on you, if it's the "wrong" speed for them, so you can change it if you wish to do so to please them.

jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

17 Oct 2014, 3:05 am

I guess they're just not that interested, they don't talk about it they just stop talking to me entirely.

886
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,663
Location: SLC, Utah

17 Oct 2014, 5:53 am

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.

yellowtamarin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Sep 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,763
Location: Australia

17 Oct 2014, 7:07 am

886 wrote:

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

I was going to suggest that but every time I give that sort of advice I get told essentially that it doesn't really apply to autistic people because these things don't come naturally. But I do agree with what you say.

886
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Jan 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,663
Location: SLC, Utah

17 Oct 2014, 7:10 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

886 wrote:

It's a matter of mutual comfort in every given situation, it shouldn't have to be a strategy.. if it feels right, go for it. If it doesn't, don't, and don't try to force it.

I guess that part is true, as much as I hate to admit it because I've always preached relationships should come naturally..

I feel too many of us try to force the situation.. personally it's a mistake I've made several times.

_________________
If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing.

rdos
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

17 Oct 2014, 9:02 am

yellowtamarin wrote:

rdos wrote:

That's simple. Always use "slow-speed". If she doesn't like it, her problem. :lol:

What if he doesn't like it either? Then it's his problem too, and that doesn't sound like much fun for anyone!

For me it is always slow-speed, so that doesn't apply. If the girl is not up to that, I'm not interested.

But for guys that don't have this preference, I suppose he can take it fast if the girl is up to that, or slower if she is more up to that.

AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

17 Oct 2014, 11:16 pm

jerry00 wrote:

I go too slow and the girl gets bored so next girl I speed up and its too fast. Why is it so hard for me to judge the right speed?

I have a problem with going too slow and they get frustrated and leave me at times!

_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,890
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

20 Oct 2014, 1:57 am

if the girl is really interested she would go as fast as you.

If there's a speed requirement, it means there's no real initial attraction.

passion_flower
Butterfly

Joined: 10 May 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 16

20 Oct 2014, 1:12 pm

Don't put pressure on yourself, especially to use the L word.

Let things flow naturally. It's easier said than done but it's better to be cautious than to jump in head first without thinking. The right person will respect that.

FireyInspiration
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Mar 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 540
Location: Unknown

20 Oct 2014, 6:49 pm

I wouldn't give up after only two shots at it. Try taking it at an in between speed next time.

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ] Go to page 1, 2 Next

Jump to:

Always moving the wrong speed. Post Reply New Topic

Always moving the wrong speed.