the autism spectrum "proof" in light of seeming ex

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saintcerulean
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16 Oct 2014, 1:43 pm

hi there-

new member, first time poster. semi-occasional lurker.

i have a hard time keeping things terse (i vacillate between muteness and terrifying loquacity in general) but maybe that's just part of my symptomatology... but i'm going to try to keep this as brief but forthcoming as i can.

long story short: after receiving information from neuropsych testing at age 15 or so (i am now 26) that indicated possibility of Non-Verbal Learning Disorder (NVLD or NLD if anyone's searching the acronym) along with an auditory processing disorder (information that was pretty much ignored/pushed aside by everyone except for myself), I have considered HEAVILY the fact that I am likely on the autism spectrum. E.g.: I have done in-depth research on the web and in what scholarly resources i have available to me to the point that it's painfully obvious that this describes my internal world.

The pickle is this. it doesn't seem to describe my external presentation at this point in time. This, likely due to the fact that I am an adult at this point and i have spent my entire life trying to work on this, in order to function/life. i have essentially been watching, learning, and "training" like some sort of social athlete in order just to function and achieve my goals (almost all of this entirely in private, and painfully so).

so it's taken years for a therapist to even begin to consider it. one even laughed at me when i suggested it, despite all the research i had presented. and my family support system essentially requires the word of "experts" (what makes an expert? i have probably been more in touch with current aspie/nld research than certain therapists at certain times, given the obsessionality/perseveration/desperation re: the topic). Needless to say, this is all incredibly frustrating.

So. at this point in time, what do i have to do to "prove" the fact of my subjective experience against a (mostly false) external presentation that is rapidly breaking down in light of... many issues...?

I write a lot, but have issues with attention, especially when the subject matter is emotionally difficult. So i've thought: "oh, well if i essentially write a document which details the situation in an in-depth way, from my vantage point, perhaps this could function as some sort of 'proof' or at the very least, material by which diagnosis could be made more readily." Such a document would include addressing the world of my childhood, which for very complex reasons (including the more readily visible and pernicious problems of an older sibling, and thus the ignoring of and wanting for "at least one normal child") was not addressed or noticed very well by parents (although in hindsight i think many things should have caused concern)... and proceed from there, trying to account for this, with citations and references to clinical literature.

But let's be honest: this is a time-suck, and seems difficult a and a long process. Unless I'm trying to publish a hybrid novel of my experience, haha!

Anyway, I want something more tangible and immediate. Yes i have taken the AQ test, but it's not enough to really do anything and is problematic besides. I am working on getting a therapeutic assessment (TA) with possible further neuropsych tests but I am just sick of hitting a wall.

So i guess my question is addressed to AS adults: How did you "prove" yourself to be an aspie (or like syndrome) to an "expert," especially if due to interests/profession/"training" you may seem to be/are "extroverted." Also how do I get over this stress of people being totally non-understanding of my internal world...

any thoughts appreciated, and thanks...



1401b
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16 Oct 2014, 4:08 pm

It's difficult finding patterns when one has a superior ability to notice fine details.
Patterns are discovered by blurriness.
And you're very close to yourself so, you know.

Therapists "laugh" a lot at people, they think they know everything.
Presenting all your research should have been enough to prove it right there! Just having done all that!

As far as your external presentation there's a saying:   If you've met one autistic person - you've met one autistic person.
We're all hugely different.

As far as proof... Screw proof, it wont do you any good, those who doubt will doubt regardless. Those who will listen competently, will be caring and knowledgeable enough to see it without a pile of proofs.
Nothing will ever matter but a good attorney anyway, if it ever needed to come to that. (SSI, ADA, etc)

Oh yeah, Hi ya and Welcome!


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RoadRatt
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16 Oct 2014, 7:36 pm

Hey saintcerulean welcome. :sunny:


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AnonymousAnonymous
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18 Oct 2014, 5:01 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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