If you need a car do you want to date her?

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Okay so let's say for argument's sake that yes, as a male there are women who won't get into a relationship with you if you don't have a car (or a career, or a house, or something else one can acquire that may not have anything to do with one's personality).

So there's a woman who normally would date you, but she's not interested because you don't have a car. You get a car. Now she will date you! Hooray!

Do you really want to be in a relationship with this type of woman?

No, I have no interest in women who measure a man's worth by what he does or doesn't own. I would feel nothing but pity for a woman that shallow.

I personally think that having a car is important, if only for the reason that you have to actually be able to see each other! If you live in NYC or some other huge metropolitan area, it's probably not an issue, but in the majority of places not having a car = not going anywhere. I stopped dating two women who didn't have cars, because it was just such a hassle to actually do anything with them - plans were dictated more by bus/train schedules and stops rather than by activities we actually wanted to do.

Also, as a bit of a counter-argument: whether or not we like to admit it, we all judge others, particularly those that we date, based on what they have. Be it physical attractiveness, charisma, material possessions, social status, and personality. There are very few people who judge a partner based on nothing but personality, since personality is only one facet of who we are. We live in a superficial world, and when getting to know someone, all that you know about them are the superficial aspects.

I think that a lot of people on this forum miss the big picture though...they see things like "I want a man with a career and a car" and take it completely at face value, saying "I need to get a career and a car to date this person". I think that the key factor isn't the car or the career, but how having a car and a career impact your life. As I mentioned above, not having a car (disclaimer: in most locations) greatly limits your ability to do...well, anything. A career helps in that if you have a decent job, then chances are you are able to live relatively comfortably and won't constantly have to worry about how to pay this month's rent, or where your next meal is coming from.

I think that the key is that people generally want to date someone who is in a comfortable place in life, rather than someone struggling to get by. It makes sense too...most people have enough problems on their own, and don't want to have to take on anyone else's. If you are satisfied with the current state of your life and are able to live the way you want to live, then I think that car/career/house/whatever else is essentially irrelevant.

I'm not sure if I worded this post very well, but it's just my personal opinions on the subject, for what they're worth.

Very well put Sg43.

If one person has a car, though, it should be okay right? So to say that it's important to women than their man has a car, that sentiment should be able to be reversed. I have a car, so my partner doesn't need to. But a lot of men seem to think that they need one regardless.

I would definitely prefer if my partner had a car, it would make things a LOT easier. But I'm not going to turn anyone down for not having one.



Hmm. Okay. Well that's why I said in my OP "[things] one can acquire that may not have anything to do with one's personality". The things people acquire may well be very indicative of personality, and so they are interesting to know, but the absence of them shouldn't be a big deal (as long as it doesn't impact the logistics of having a relationship with them too much).



It seems people are arguing that it would rarely get to that point. A man gets asked on a first date whether he has these things, and if he doesn't then the woman isn't interested in knowing whether he's happy being this way...she just decides it won't work. I'm probably greatly simplifying and generalising what people on this site are saying, but it's the vibe I'm getting when some are giving advice.

being as like 90% of the women in my area list this things as a requirement. not want, but you must have if you want to be considered by me. I would as to not limits me to only 10% of women where I live and I'm not a model or athletic so those hurt me already then include finding a woman with shared interest, similar level of clingyness/unclingieness, likes phyiscal touch etc. so the more women who will consider me the better chances of finding love.

its mostly you get ignored/rejected prefirst date. they do 20 question tell me all about your life before they ever agree to a first date. i've never had a date that is after one or two messages always after they get as much info as they want, which i like anyways as I don't like rushing in to a meet up with a stranger. but currently I can't even message 90% of women here cause I don't have a job. and i've had a bunch run off as soon as they find out I work as a cashier seasonally

^ But do you want to fall in love with the type of woman who puts those things as absolute requirements?

ideally not, but I don't live i my ideal world. this is how society works now. I'm old fashioned and outdated.

You can't have liked them that much then. My sister used to live a 2 hour train journey from her boyfriend and would travel up on the friday evening and stay with him over the weekend and get the train back. They both had cars, but it would have been a longer journey by car.

i can't give a non-bias answer because i've never not had a car, and if a woman said it mattered to her i wouldn't care because of that. i guess i'd just keep it in my mind in case i spot something that screams she's a gold digger? i've never had this problem.

No.

Reasons for not wanting a guy without car are not always materialistic; there's also what's practical.

The car thing is pretty gender-biased tho; check couples in cars and 90% of times the man is behind the wheel.

There's practical and then there's deal breaker though. For how many women is it so vital that he has a car, that she should decide not to date a man because he doesn't have one? And the other things mentioned in the OP...career, house...

I'm sceptical of the whole thing, I'm more inclined to believe that a lack of those things might be what a woman tells herself is the reason, if she's just not that into him. And if one of those things genuinely is the reason she won't even give it a shot, then she doesn't sound like a great woman to date, IMO. I'm sure she's a great catch for a lot of men, but not for a smart, genuine aspie man.

That depends on the situation. With online dating for one, you're not going to be picking someone up at their house until you've been seeing them for probably a month or two at minimum. At least that's how I feel...I'm not comfortable telling people where I live unless I know them fairly well. Also if you live kind of far apart it can be pretty difficult - a lot of people I've dated live 30-45min away, so if just one of us has a car it can be pretty limiting since one person ends up doing quite a lot of excess driving. If someone has two potential options, and one person has logistical challenges and the other doesn't...then it can be a deciding factor.



That's what I hear also. I don't deny that they probably do get grilled on those questions, and I agree in the sense that if someone simply answers with "I don't have a career or a car", it will negatively impact them. However, if they answer by mentioning why they don't have a career/car, and explain why not having those things is perfectly fine to them, then I don't think it matters nearly as much anymore. Of course, that hinges on them being happy and content in life without said career or car, which oftentimes is not the case. I'm not saying that it doesn't matter at all though - those things do help with respect to dating, but I don't think that they matter as much as many people think they do.

For example, someone here recently said he made a major life change and is switching job fields. He could either say "I don't have a job because I just quit my old one and will be unemployed indefinitely" and leave it at that, or he could say "I quit my job because I really didn't like the direction my life was heading, and I just wasn't passionate about the work I was doing. I'm trying to start a new career in IT, but it's been challenging getting my feet in the door and it will be a few years before I'm really able to start working in the field". Both answers say exactly the same thing, but with the first answer, I think many people would dismiss him and move on. With the second one, I think plenty of people would not care about his current job situation because it shows that he is trying to improve his life and achieve what he wants out of it.

I do get what you are saying, but this makes me chuckle because I live 4-5hours from the city where I find my dates. When I lived in that city, 30-45mins would be a standard time distance away. Public transport is okay there though, despite how much people complain about it, so the impracticality of not having a car has never been that bad...however...even if I had to do most of the driving, I'd be okay with this if I liked the guy. He could return the favour in other ways like cook me lots of meals cos I hate cooking


This is an extremely important point. I wonder how many aspies are being too matter-of-fact about their life situation rather than expressing things in a more palatable way.

She wouldn't be my ideal but better than being alone.

Also yellow, you can't compare yourself to women who are seeking to get married.