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kamiyu910
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21 Oct 2014, 12:56 pm

I've been trying to practice writing, because I love to write, but I don't think I'll ever be a "good" writer, as far as writing fictional stories go, because I can't seem to get past mere information transfer. Like with Mercedes Lackey, she wrote an entire paragraph detailing how a character tossed his packs into a room, and what they looked like and everything, but if I were to write it, I'd just say "He tossed his packs into the corner and sat down."
Every time I try to embellish more, use similes and extra descriptors, it sounds so cheesy, at least to me. Such as this:
"Parry. Dodge. Strike. Repetition that made her muscles ache as the sweat dripped down into her tired blue eyes. Learning how to use her daggers with her martial arts was exhausting but fun and she almost didn't want the lesson to end, mainly because that meant she'd have to go home to an empty house."

Normally I write like this:
"Anders was looking around in the forest for a place to rest. The sun had already gone down, making the task difficult, but he was determined to find a really nice spot. As he moved through the forest, he saw the glow of a fire up ahead and decided to investigate. Creeping slowly towards it, he could hear people talking. There were three mages standing around a stone altar with braziers lit around them and from what Anders could gather, they were trying to summon a demon, though for what purpose he wasn't sure."

I'm not sure if I should even try to change how I write, though. I just write for myself after all. I just like doing things better. Does anyone have any suggestions on how, or if, I could write better? I also cannot for the life of me write a person who isn't like me unless there's a premade character (such as in fan fiction), but even that's hard.

Edited to say, I have problems with drawing as well, like my people are devoid of life. They're just empty husks to people. No soul. But I can draw animals just fine... Is that just something I need to accept as well?


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AspieUtah
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21 Oct 2014, 2:41 pm

I like the way you write (and I used to get paid to write). Actually, you have what a lot of professional writers would die for: the ability to write briefly and specifically. People don't speak or think like stories. Stories, however, give us details and conditions on top of the facts. So, I would stick with what you know how to do, and then edit what you have written with one or two interesting clauses or words. No need to remodel the way you write completely. You are about 99 percent there, anyway.

For example, you wrote:

"Anders was looking around in the forest for a place to rest. The sun had already gone down, making the task difficult, but he was determined to find a really nice spot. As he moved through the forest, he saw the glow of a fire up ahead and decided to investigate. Creeping slowly towards it, he could hear people talking. There were three mages standing around a stone altar with braziers lit around them and from what Anders could gather, they were trying to summon a demon, though for what purpose he wasn't sure."

By adding just a little bit, it could become:

"Exhausted, Anders was looking around in the cold and dark forest for a place to rest. The sun had already gone down, making the task difficult, but he was determined to find a really nice spot. As he moved through the forest, he saw the unusual glow of a fire up ahead and decided to investigate, but he did so carefully and quietly. Creeping slowly towards it, he could hear people talking. There were three old mages standing around a tall stone altar with braziers lit around them and from what Anders could gather, they were trying to summon a demon, though for what purpose he wasn't sure."

Good luck!


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kraftiekortie
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21 Oct 2014, 6:23 pm

Ernest Hemingway wasn't exactly an erudite-"sounding" writer. He made a good living out of it, though.



AspieUtah
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21 Oct 2014, 6:32 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Ernest Hemingway wasn't exactly an erudite-"sounding" writer. He made a good living out of it, though.

Great example!


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Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


kamiyu910
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22 Oct 2014, 11:02 am

I didn't even think of Ernest Hemingway! I enjoyed his books, too.
Thank you for the info, AspieUtah. I didn't realize people liked a more straight to the point style. My dad does always say less is more. I'll have to try adding just small descriptors here and there, see how it works.


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wcoltd
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22 Oct 2014, 1:28 pm

I understand what you mean by sounding cheesy it's an unnatural way to communicate. "It's the time of year when the air grows nostalgic and people long for longer days and shorter nights. Before the winds become bitter, before the last leaves fall." That is the kind of writing that makes me want to lean to one side of my chair and rip a big one.



kamiyu910
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22 Oct 2014, 1:40 pm

wcoltd wrote:
I understand what you mean by sounding cheesy it's an unnatural way to communicate. "It's the time of year when the air grows nostalgic and people long for longer days and shorter nights. Before the winds become bitter, before the last leaves fall." That is the kind of writing that makes me want to lean to one side of my chair and rip a big one.


It'd be interesting to hear people talk like that all the time! It's certainly poetic, but I think it'd get tiring. Even at the Renaissance faires they don't speak in poems.
I've actually only recently discovered that most people don't use conversation as a means of transferring information like I do. Like when people ask how the weather is, they don't actually want to know. That will never make sense to me... And I suppose writing with many flourishes will never make sense to me either. I like straight to the point.
I have a friend who writes with many many descriptors and similes, as if she's painting a picture, and while the story is good, it gets exhausting reading it because of how my brain works. I feel like I could take a 500 page novel and cut it down to 100 pages. I just never realized that could be a good thing.


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wcoltd
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22 Oct 2014, 1:41 pm

Whenever I write something like that I sort of roll my eyes and picture it being described in a Prairie home companion like fashion like a parody on literature. Not that I know anything about the art, it's not as though I have ever been published.



wcoltd
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22 Oct 2014, 7:15 pm

Oddly enough the kind of descriptive writing can be enjoyable to read. I won this little writing competition (there must have not been to many people entering) but it was funny because I wrote the thing in an hour or so and I hated every minute of it. I knew it was garbage and I purposely wrote it to get me to cringe. It was also infuriating that I had submitted so many stories I thought were worthy of something great only to get negative or neutral feedback. What I mean is the process of writing descriptive narration is painful for me. I'd much rather write witty dialogue or a summary of the plot. It seems people tend to enjoy reading the most which I enjoy writing least.