Do I feel bad or is this something else?

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Well I remember reading about a study conducted a long time ago where when a dog was trained to connect a bell ringing to his food. Whenever the bell was rung, he'd be fed. It got to the point where whenever the bell was rung, the dog salivated anyway even if no food was given. He just got used to it. Same thing with punishment as to how it works. So I'm wondering that it has been done to me with my parents. Always punished for not doing something (like starting a conversation when it's dead silent) or whatever, I don't know I can't describe it. I just feel like I'm "being more socialish" in the sense of I have to do this out of fear, rather than enjoyment. Makes me mad. Like recently I kinda was responsible for a stray cat getting ran over. Told them to go becuase it'd move. It did not move. Was very surprised. Not shocked, surprised. Just kept thinking "why did it not move". And here I am, kinda feeling bad, but not feeling bad, like I feel like I have to feel bad, but I don't want to feel bad becuase it's feeling bad out of fear or something. And then earlier I had to talk to a bunch of people out of necessity becuase my mother had no idea what she was saying, so I had to go in and clean up the mess and I really didn't enjoy it. I feel like the walls of me are crumbling down and I'm helpless to stop it. Apparently, I'm so angry/stressed my doctors have told me I grind my teeth in my sleep.

Have no idea what to do.

Sometimes we tread water.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I feel like that about talking sometimes. People are not comfortable with quiet so they feel the empty space with questions. Try not answering them. Will there be a consequence to fear? Suddenly that empty space is not filled so innocently.
Uh, I'm not helping, am I?

Maybe you feel lost. That feels bad, but not exactly how a lot of people mean feeling bad, and it's harder to explain, unpleasant and agitating but it's not the burning pain of really feeling BAD.

Is there anyone in your life who can explain the people that are bothering you or suggest an alternative way of responding to make things better? That helps me when I can find someone to do that.

I grind my teeth in my sleep too. And it isn't being angry it's the stress of trying to act how people expect and demand that does it and the habit of trying to contain my emotions that are too intense for other people's comfort. IMO, that's not about me or you or even the other people, it's not exactly anyone's fault, it's the stress of having to fit into a confusing world.

The other thing that helps me is finding an escape. I like to move, alone in the woods, or with others but alone in my mind, or in the water, or even as right now on an exercise machine surrounded by other people ignoring me and me ignoring them. While I surf at WR because that helps, too. And then there's always meditation.

I'm sorry you're crumbling. Taking a break from demands can really help. Or picking one really small thing you can actually get done is helpful, too.