Hi. I'm new here, and not sure if I have Asperger's or not.

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Hi,

I'm Stormtrooper and this is my first post on this website. I'm not sure whether I have AS, so I wanted to explain a little bit about me (this is a long read)...
I'm a 19 year old guy studying computer engineering. I'm the kind of guy people would call a nerd. I love everything about computers, and have been doing computer programming since I was 12.

I've had a lot of trouble socially growing up. I was basically that kid everyone teased/picked on, and sometimes physically bullied. It wasn't until 8th grade that I finally adapted and became part of a group, but it all went down the drain as my family moved when I was in high school. I was teased even worse.
Now that I'm in college life is a lot easier, but still difficult. Whenever we're doing a social activity I'm usually sitting there, silently listening and trying to make sense of the conversation (unless somehow the topic lands on computers or phones, then I'm THE center of the conversation).

When I was younger, things like "hi", "please", "thanks", ... didn't come naturally to me. I remember when I was 10 my friends teaching me to respond with "hey" when someones says "hi", and rehearsed it with me a few times until I got it. Initiating with "hi", and things like "thanks" and "please", only came to me around age 17 (when we moved), and I still think they're pointless and confusing. I hate small talk. I learned a few tricks to deal with it, but can still sometimes give the responses of an 8 year old.

I'm almost always seen as weird. If I try hard enough I can seem normal, but only when I'm talking about something I'm comfortable with (technology in general) or when I've rehearsed the conversation in my head before. I've been told that I speak is a "robotic" voice (even though I didn't think I was), that I should move/sway my hands more when walking, that I should talk/read more slowly and move my lips more. I also think I had problems with eye contact which was often attributed to me being shy, but as far as I know, I don't have problems anymore, although when someone is talking my instinct is to look at their mouth rather than their eyes (I'm also confused as to which eye I should look at, should I just look at the top of the nose?).

I've been confused as a teen. I always thought I was stupid or mentally ret*d, but then I remember that I'm very good with computers and at school. I have a higher than average IQ yet I still seem to struggle with things that should be obvious to anyone. It never added up. When I found out about Asperger's 2 weeks ago, I read more about it, and it triggered a few memories.

I've read many topics on WrongPlanet and other websites, and I can relate to most of the things written about AS/ASD. Yet there are still a few things which make make me doubt that I have it.

1. I don't have most of the sensory issues associated with AS. The only one I have is tactile hypersensitivity, ie I don't like being touched, can't wear a turtleneck, find clothing tags itchy, ...
2. My long term memory is only average. I don't have the incredible memory that most people here seem to have.
3. I don't have problems with change or multitasking. I do get upset over interruptions but I recover from them quickly.
4. I'm good at recognizing emotions, but have problems remembering faces and names from the first or second time.
5. I don't (usually) have meltdowns/shutdowns. Although I remember one incident from my childhood which might be interpreted as one -- when I was about 10 years old my friend and I were organizing an event where kids (around my age) would pay to play games. My friend had to go and left me in charge, and for some reason, all the kids (about 6) came up to me at the same time, trying to give me money so they can play. At that moment I kind of shut down, sat on the street curve crying, and just wanted them to shut up. I've had incidents close to this but this is the only one I remember.

I also suspect that I have OCD. When I was younger, whenever I went to a new place, I'd imagine the floor was like a chessboard, select an arbitrary tile, memorize it, and only move on tiles the same color as that tile. This is how I spent 7th grade recess. I also need to do certain things in multiples of 4 or in a symmetrical pattern/manner.


Anyway, sorry for the long read. The reason why I wrote this post is seek out your opinion on whether it's more likely that I have AS or something else. I don't care for an official diagnosis, and even if I don't have AS I'd still benefit a lot from this website. I'm just happy that I finally found a place where people are accepted not despite, but because they are different.


PS. Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my native language.

Hey Stormtrooper welcome.

welcome, stormtrooper. here's a very brief test based on the criteria docs use to diagnose AS:

www.iautistic.com/test_AS.php

I'm curious: why don't you want an official diagnosis?

Also, it doesn't sound like you have OCD based on your description (disclosure: I am a grad student in a counseling program but I am not licensed). Here are some of the diagnostic criteria from the DSM-5:

A. Presence of obsessions, compulsions, or both:

Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):
1. Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or impulses that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress.
2.The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion).

Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2):
1. Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.
2.The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive.
Note: Young children may not be able to articulate the aims of these behaviors or mental acts.

B. The obsessions or compulsions are time-consuming (e.g., take more than 1 hour per day) or cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

I'm guessing you think of your behavior as a kind of compulsion, but, given what you wrote, it doesn't seem to fit the criteria.

To give you a sense of how someone with OCD presents, consider the following vignette (taken from the first google result for "OCD vignette," which I cannot link to because this is a new account):

"A 33 -year-old woman presents with a seven-year history of hand washing for two to six hours a day, as well as urges to check doors and stoves extensively before leaving her home. Her life is restricted, and her family members are upset about her behavior."

This brief description speaks to the fact that OCD produces a high level of impairment. As stated in the article, this is a typical patient.

Anyway, hi. I am also new, but welcome!

Welcome to the Planet!

i too have trouble with "please" and "thank you" and those sort of niceties. hi too, i say it but never make eye contact and i wonder if the other person has even heard me.
not to say i don't appreciate their meaning, but it just does not come naturally to me, its pretty crazy when a person in authority demands an apology for something that was not in fact morally wrong (manufactured offense) and you have no way to work around it.

i like your comparison to the 8 year old, i get that.

welcome to the club.

Hi Stormtrooper! I'm in a similar situation: I identify with a lot of the stuff you're saying, and a lot of the signs and symptoms of autism seem to be present in me. But using one's own mind to analyze one's own mind is definitely a very tricky endeavor.

I've gotten a lot better at those little automatic utterances, but will sometimes mumble them so I'm not heard, or occasionally will mix up "hi" and "bye", or "thanks" and "you're welcome", or something of the sort.

I tried it before and I met the criteria, but section 2 is a little fuzzy. I certainly have some of the traits, but I can't tell which fits and which doesn't.
"Insistence on following specific, useless routines and rituals", "Keeps making the same useless movement without reason"
What's the definition of "useless"? I do some things that others may find useless but I usually have a good reason.

Also most of the online tests I took suggest that I do have AS, the rest say I may or may not have it.



It doesn't matter if I have one or not. People think I'm weird, I function in society, and life goes on. I don't want to complicate my life even more, but if I knew what it is I can at least learn how to better deal with.



Exactly. Also I prefer to explain why I did something the way I did rather than give a meaningless, useless apology. And I hate it when people apologize to me.

I hear you. I always recommend therapy at the very least, and do so here, but I understand that learning how to deal with the 'symptoms' takes priority. I feel the same way. Hopefully this place can help with that.