Is this due to my AS or am I just lazy?

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I'm pretty sure (well, definitely sure unless things change for the better) I'm going to fail my exam next Friday due to very destructive and very crippling perfectionism and due to some serious problems when trying to study. Things such as:

- Not knowing where to start (which lecture handouts to start on etc)
- Not knowing how to start
- Not knowing how to determine what's important and what's not important to focus on
- Feeling too unmotivated to start (unfortunately I don't get anything done when I'm not motivated)
- Getting distracted very easily
- Brain "shutting down" or "freezing" when being stressed out and thinking about all I need to do (this happens multiple times every day), which leads to more stress and that, in turn, leads to more "brain freezes" etc etc. Vicious circle.

I suspect these things are happening to me because of my AS. Is that correct or am I just lazy and should "snap out of it" somehow (I have no idea how)? I don't know what to do and I'm terribly afraid of failing. My friend says I should maybe fail the exam and see that it's not the end of the world but I don't know how I'd forgive myself if that happened.

Seems like a bit of an information overload. I understand that feeling of not knowing where to start. You want to begin at the best place possible to maximise results. You want to take in the best information, the most relevant, the most useful and glean the main points from all that information.

Unfortunately, that desire to get things done right is making you indecisive and stalling your progress. I've been there.

What kind of exam is it? Can you write down a list of what you regard as the most important points you need to remember for this subject. Do not write detail, just a list of main topics. That will help you focus your mind. Work your way down the list refreshing yourself on each of the main topics.

Executive dysfunction, so AS related. I hope things end up going alright for you.

Not sure what you mean but it's a written exam on the whole course/class we've had since when we first started in September. Embryology & histology.

I don't know what I regard as the most important points (that's part of the problem) so writing such a list is difficult. I think everything's relevant. Also, it's too much information to learn until next Friday so I'll have to prioritize and I have a problem with that too. Not sure what's wrong with me.

^^^
THIS

I don't have AS, but I have been in that exact situation before.

This may not be a direct result of impaired executive function, but of stress caused by the other aspects of your life.

You are not lazy, but overwhelmed.

I totally relate to your 'crippling perfectionism' (I have OCD).

Good luck.

In the official papers from my assessment it says I've got problems with regulating my activity level (that's translated from Swedish so I'm not even sure you call it that in English). That I sometimes hyperfocus on things (when motivated and/or interested) and that I sometimes just can't get anything done. Is that executive dysfunction and are the things I wrote about in the first post related to my problems with regulating my activity level?

Ah, I don't know anything about that subject. Can you ask your lecturer for some help? Get them to give you some pointers on the best place to start. Tell them you are feeling a bit overwhelmed and they should be able to offer some advice.

Norny is right, sounds like you are stressed. Maybe today you just need to do something to chill out and unwind. Take your mind off it. Then go back to your studying.

If I had to guess I'd guess that all of this is a result of a whole mixture of things: AS, anxiety, perfectionism, loads of thoughts about loads of things etc (also, I have pretty much zero stress tolerance). I was diagnosed with OCD about a year and half before I was diagnosed with AS and even though the psychologist who assessed me isn't sure I've got OCD, she says it's perfectly clear that I do have compulsions etc. The perfectionism is awful and I can't stop it even though I hate it.

I can't really ask for help. I mean, I could ask for help with specific things I don't understand but I feel too overwhelmed to understand anything and I don't think they can really help me with my problems caused by my miserable brain.

I've been sitting here trying to study for hours now and I haven't done anything.

It really is.

When I do work, everything has to be logically consistent and formatted according to certain rules. I was told by my previous counselor to not 'write and edit' at the same time, but I can't stop doing it.

It applies to other areas of my life. For example, if I make a video game level, it has to have a pattern to it, be neat/consistent and if the game allows for it, symmetrical.

It sounds ridiculous, that you can just stop doing it, but you can't.

I have exactly the same problem. That "crippling perfectionism". I thought very hard about it to determine the essence of the problem. I think I seem to have a fear of "chaos" that results from not carefully starting and doing things in a very logical manner. That "chaos" would make it impossible to keep track of what I have done and what I need to do next etc, and would eventually prevent me from achieving the best I can. So everything has to be in perfect order.

I don't know if your motivation for perfectionism is the same as mine but your description sounds exactly like my problem. What I usually try to do to get around it is to try and do a clearly defined chunk out of the whole that wouldn't cause "chaos". Even if it doesn't happen to be the most important chunk, you still get something done and it won't interfere with the perfect order you want to keep everything in. You will eventually get a better picture of the whole and know what's actually important as you progress.

I think it's (autism ->) OCD -> perfectionism. So I'd say in your (and my) case, it's related to autism.

Taken from a website...

How Does Executive Function Affect Learning?
In school, at home or in the workplace, we?re called on all day, every day, to self-regulate behavior. Executive function allows us to:

Make plans
Keep track of time and finish work on time
Keep track of more than one thing at once
Meaningfully include past knowledge in discussions
Evaluate ideas and reflect on our work
Change our minds and make mid-course corrections while thinking, reading and writing
Ask for help or seek more information when we need it
Engage in group dynamics
Wait to speak until we?re called on

I know that not being able to properly prioritize things is related to executive function (hyperfocus on certain things and unable to do others). My neuropsych says that anxiety can also create problems with executive function, so I guess that would explain why the other issues are further contributing to it. I'm not sure how EF relates to activity level.

As you can't ask the lecturer for help with this, is there a study center?

It feels like I've given up now. It's almost 5pm over here and I haven't managed to study at all. Nothing. I suck.

Norny, have you dealt with perfectionism for long? For me it's deeply ingrained and my whole sense of self-worth is connected to it. So, if I fail on Friday (which I probably will) I will even start thinking that I don't deserve to live. And yes, even though I see/hear how ridiculous that sounds, I can't stop it. I can't let it go.

jk1, I have a fear of "chaos" as well. My brain "freezes" because of chaos. I'm not sure how/if my perfectionism is connected to the fear of chaos but yes, it's possible.

calstar2, thank you.

Waterfalls, not really. I do get some support but even though some of it works (like getting to take exams in a quiet room by myself etc), some of it really doesn't work at all. Now that I've gotten officially diagnosed I'll probably get some better help (and I really hope it helps because I don't know what to do otherwise). Nothing I'll get before Friday though.

One thing that I am finding effective in dealing with this kind of thing is to think in terms of multiple levels of detail.

By nature I tend to locate at many very small details and let my subconscious maintain some sense of how these things make a whole. I am unable to predict how this breaks down, but it always does when the information level reaches some threshold, and then I become lost-unable to evaluate what the next should be, how to proceed, or even have a bigger sense of the general situation or direction. It sucks.

It's strange, because I enjoy finding and creating patterns in things and I am good at seeing processes, flows and patterns in what are often presented as abstract and disconnected things... maybe because I have to particularize my mental navigation of these systems. I do a lot of illustration of complex business processes and receive praise for accurately perceiving and depicting systems that were barely understood even by the subject matter experts who requested the illustration.

So, what sometimes helps a lot is to make a very high -level map: the view from orbit., the continental scale.
Then a high level map: the view from 37,000 feet, cities and major highways, waterways and rail lines,.
Then you get into local area maps: the view from 2,000 feet. Streets and buildings.
You can go down to whatever level of detail is required: blueprints, schematics and manuals for equipment, etc.
You don't have to hold everything in your processing memory at once, because you can move to a higher level map when you need to relate things across higher level domains.

For academic study, it is often a good idea to take the course syllabus as the high level map, then have a mid level map that shows broad topics within the major areas listed on the syllabus and finally detailed notes on specific information at a fine level, organized within that major area map.

If you are thinking about Neurology, for example, you have a very high level map that shows the major areas of the nervous system and the development of the spine, hind brain, mid brain and fore brain from the neural tube. Your very high level map will also have some notes about the diencephalon and development of the cortex,, cerebellum, etc.
Then you have a mid level map talking about pathways: sensory, motor, auditory, visual, etc, And a low level map focusing on smaller structures. You will want to dive into the generation and formation of action potentials and the role of neurotransmitters and the molecular machinery that supports these processes from DNA/RNA/Ribosomal processes up through the way the molecular processes act in the major pathways (e.g., ion transporters and gates, action potential action at the synapses, etc.)

The detail is overwhelming if you try and take it on all at once--but if you allow yourself to take on the fine detail of subsystems, and coarser detail of major systems, a sense of deeper understanding and integration of the whole thing eventually emerges. When you get lost in the detail, you just have to back out to a higher level map to get your bearings and only get into the fine detail when it's needed to support a particular point or show understanding of a system.

Having slowly learned to do this for academic subjects, I am now applying this way of organizing information to other areas, e.g., creating certain kinds of report at work (an area that has always been very difficult for me-unless a manager pointed me in the right direction at the start I would find myself unable to get going, like the proverbial deer in headlights.)

It's a struggle, but using maps (and for me these are usually actual maps that I draw in pencil or vector illustration software) really helps. Just the act of drafting the map makes it somehow more available as an organizing template in my brain. And it helps to avoid the panic and confusion that overload creates.

I hope you find your way through this and make the best of your situation.

I wish I had known how to do this 30 years ago. What a lot of pain and stress I could have avoided. Maybe.

Good luck.