Dnt know how to call this topic, ...about online girl

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Hi,

I have asperger and i like playing computer games. Ive been friends with a online girl for quite some years now, we play games togheter and sometimes talk a little bit. Its a verry good friend. I somehow managed to tell her that i have asperger, well i deleted her and afterwards i said that i have asperger. I think i sounded quite pathetic when telling that to her. I kinda wished i wouldve just said 'hey lisa do u have a moment for me'. and then just tell her why im so quiet, that wouldve been better. I unfortunately managed to delete her 3x more times or so. Sometimes i would get jealous that she plays with other people and not with me, and then i would fall out to her and delete her. When the deleting happend, she contacted me twice and said 'i want my friend back' and ask if we can be friends again. The other 2 times i added her back. We dnt talk that much about it, i usually say sorry, and she accepts it.

She is nice to me, sometimes she ask if i want to play, or sometimes she talks a little bit to me. I really like her as a friend, well okay i admit i really like her a whole lot. I never told her that actually and to be honest it was not that big of deal to me. I was just happy with beeing friends, and having a friend to play\talk with.

We played a online game for almost 1,5 years togheter. She would ask me almost everyday if i would want to play that game with her, and we would team up togheter with other friends and have fun. It was a verry nice time, but after time went by, we both kinda moved on to other games. Now we just play sometimes togheter. Not really a reason for it, just times go by and newer an better games come out.

Recently Destiny came out, and she got it. Eventually she starting message me 'have destiny?' and 'destiny is good' and 'sad u dnt have destiny ' ..and as i have asperger i fail to understand that she was actually saying like 'hey we should play it 2gheter'. Eventually i ended up getting destiny. And i was playing it alone, and she said 'hey u shouldve said u got it' and she joined me. We played it togeter for a few days. I even managed to ask her if she wanted to use the headset. And she talked to me on voice, tho it was verry quiet offcourse due to asperger, but it was nice.

But now she plays it with other people, and i feel a bit dissapointed. Most of the times she is the one who ask to play, i rarely dare to ask her. But she rarely ask me these days. I get the feeling that she is not that interested anymore to play with me. I explained that to her in my own words, i ussually end up writing long drama msg's to her when something is bothering me :\ But she said to me 'u can always ask me to play' ..I asked her then to play and she joined, but somehow it feels awkwards to me. I mean she is on almost everyday, but she never seem to ask\invite me like before. I get extremely jealous by this and cant help it. Sometimes i find myself online just to hope she would ask me to play. Its not a nice feeling this, its like im obsessed to play with her. Sometimes i would just wait in the lobby to see if she invites me or join me, but nothing happens offcourse.

I dont want to be like this, and i have no idea what to do about it. I like her a lot. But its not really healthy if im waiting in the lobby hoping for a invite or staying up late hoping that she asks me to play. I just dnt like this feeling, and dont want to become obsessed with playing with her or with her.

I tried to explain this to her, but i end up making a mess and writing drama message's or deleting her:\. I just dont know what to do to this anymore. And its getting ridiculous. Long ago she sended me some pictures of her. She is quite attractive, but i like her personality more, she is well.... verry rude and violent its verry unique and she likes to game a lot. But other then some small talk i know nothing about her.

Im really sorry for this verry long message and hope its somewhat readable. And its never been really a issue to me that i like her, i know that its online so i never bother with it, it was just fine with me to be friends. But just since i got Destiny and she as well, i just want to play with her. And its just getting really ridiculous. If anyone could talk to me or give me some advice that would be really appreciated.

If you rarely ask her to play, she may have gotten tired of having to ask you. It can also create the impression that you don't want to play with her.

Of course, the only way to do anything about either is to ask her. Does 'brace yourself and hit enter' work for you?