What to do when you see a cute girl?
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
This scenario has happened to me many times, I meet some aesthetically pleasing young lady at a social function, we begin chatting and I can never figure out if/how I can get better aquainted.
I can't even ascertain if they're single or not. In the old days you could check for a ring but nowadays people have relations before/without engagement. The prettier they are the more nervouse I feel. Any tips about how to solve this recurring predicament?
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
I'd just ask if you can get their number. If they're already in a relationship, they'll tell you.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
^^^This.
As far as current relationships go, just watch "Eyes Wide Shut."
I highly recommend just being around women long enough over time and developing a comfortable acquaintanceship with them. It's, like, hey, we hang out all the time and I don't even know your name. Hey, would it be ok if I call you sometime?
And there you go...
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
I can see that what you're saying must logically be correct. Though this has happened to me many times, my opening post was inspired by a particular girl I was speaking with at the community. Five minutes later I sat down and wrote that post with my phone. The community center is about to close.
I saw the the twice more and spoke to her once but I didn't ask for number, I couldn't. I can the logic in your answer. If she rejects me the penalty is very light. I have little to lose and much to gain and if I had to be rejected girls to be with one, the reward would outweigh the cost. That's logical.
But I'm not logical. No matter how many times I tell myself it would be worth it and regection is no big deal, no matter how much I want to follow your advice I can't. I feel like I'm bound by invisible chains.
Time to put my phone back in my pocket and walk home.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
When I see a cute girl I think "that girl is cute".
As for your other question, you said you are chatting to them, so perhaps try to bring relationships and such into the conversation. Ask questions that will hopefully lead to her revealing her relationship status. If you feel she ought to have by now and she is probably single, may as well ask her out and see how it goes.
Edit: Sorry I just read your other response. If you fear the rejection, I'm not sure. Don't have any other advice I'm afraid.
Women have said that they liked my ability to take the initiative. If the chemistry feels right, spontaneously kiss her on the first date or even the first meeting
Spontaneous kissing is the best, you just have to take the initiative but be certain the girl finds you handsome. Certain signals could be that she is open to touch, she laughs at your jokes or she plays with her hair.
.
At least you can talk to them. I'm unable to both approach and start a conversation with a girl I'm interested in. That's just how it is, and I cannot find any way around that (other than pretending I'm not interested). Unless I meet her at a dance place, then I'm able to ask her for a dance, because I can do that with any girl.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Yep, I've noticed a lot of young women mentioning their boyfriends in general conversation for obvious reasons. But the single ones don't mention being single
Anyway, some girls aren't wise to this rule, I remember I was acquainted with a girl for a month before she mentioned her boyfriend. I guess she didn't know about that trick.
Yeah, I know but I'd still be willing to listen to anyone's tips (not lame pickup lines) on getting out of the acquaintance zone incase I overcome my irrational and baseless fear.
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
Are you people talking about getting her number after a good, serious conversation? Yes, absolutely, go for it. Nothing to lose.
First step is approaching her ofcourse. And to do that, you need to have a subject in mind, a reason. That's the hardest part. It can't be done randomly, without a reason, by just saying "hi, how are you?".
Or are you talking about seeing someone you don't know, and you would like to know her number? Because, seriously, I think I would never be able to do that. I also find it pretty offensive actually. There are tons of Youtube channels featuring videos of men doing that. But what girl on earth would give her number to a stranger, within 5 seconds of meeting? I just don't get it.
There are stranger things than that on YouTube. I seriously wonder how this guy can be still alive.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
This is precisely why I think conventional dating is dead.
I don't have any practical advice for getting out of the acquaintance zone--I think this is something that happens naturally over time as two people out of a crowd become well-enough acquainted to develop a mutual attraction. Sometimes you can take the initiative early on, sometimes it just takes a lot of time. I turned pages for a piano major I was attracted to in college. That turned into walking to lunch together. And that turned into going out for a movie. And that turned into hey, I think maybe you're my girlfriend, because I'm not seeing anyone else?what are your thoughts on that? I'd say I had fairly good luck, and that's all it ever was?pure, dumb luck. Most people aren't going to do as well as I did just by random chance, so the best way to get past fear is shift to a different way of thinking: Luck favors the prepared.
I'm not going to go through my usual spiel on it. I will suggest perhaps reversing the usual thinking on acquaintance/friendzones. We become victims of the n-zones when others put us in them. We become masters of n-zones when we put others in them. If you start everyone in the n-zone, you kill the expectation for yourself that you will ever be anything more than friends or acquaintances. The only direction you CAN go is up, since you consciously put yourself and others on a level playing field at the bottom. You work your way up and out of the n-zone, or through various levels of various zones, by building closeness within whatever context you find that person.
For example, let's say you meet someone nice at work. You spoke in the parking lot for 5 minutes last week, but otherwise you don't really know her. So you stop by her work area for 15 seconds to say hello, ask her how her cat is doing, and, oh, by the way, I'm heading to the break room for a cup of coffee, can I bring you something? She'll probably say, "No, thanks!" but it's too late?those 15 seconds have irrevocably altered your relationship. Still doesn't mean the relationship is heading in a romantic direction, it's not a panacea that's going to make her sleep with you. It just means the acquaintanceship or friendship has been nudged slightly towards the edge of that zone and into something else, and that's not something you should take for granted.
Not to mention if you do this regularly enough with a lot of friends or acquaintances, you'll gradually chip away at your own apprehension. The more confident you are, the easier it is to open those kinds of doors. Hint: Most of the doors are already open?we're just too scared to walk through, and it's easier to pretend they just don't exist.
RetroGamer87
Veteran
Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,932
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Hmmm. So the consensus is that I should be fairly good friends with a girl before asking her out? Or are girls not interested in dating their friends. It seems like waiting too long carries a risk of being friendzoned, as has happened to me in the past... or am I looking at this the wrong way?
_________________
The days are long, but the years are short
AngelRho
Veteran
Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
I look at it this way... If you are put in the friend zone, you are a victim of it. If you put others in the friend zone, you are the master of it.
Begin by putting all women in the friend zone on the bottom level. Every interaction you have with any given woman will nudge their status with you either outward or upward. Those you spend the most time with will either be close friends or they'll be someone who shares a mutual attraction with you.
I think a woman is more likely to spend good time with a man who makes her feel safe. It's easy to feel cozy with friends, regardless of gender. You'll find yourself in a good, close friendship with a woman, and as the friendship becomes more intimate, one or both of you will wonder if you two really still just friends. Someone steals a kiss and you both wonder what took so long. Once that happens, you can't be just friends.