Tips on how to stop talking about your obsession?

Post Reply New Topic

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 months now, and we've been getting along great. The only problem is, last night he told me that I go on about my obsession too much. I felt very emotional and a bit cross with myself all night and today, but at the same time I can see his point, because he's probably feeling worried that I might lose interest in him if I keep on about something else, and my obsession involves certain people, so I'm not surprised that he may feel a bit concerned.

I do want to change this, so that I can minimize my thoughts and actions with my obsession, but I'm unsure how to do it. I need to learn how to fight those nagging urges to have to bring the obsession up. I know I can do it, but I need a bit of help from people here. Also this thread might be useful for other Aspies who are in the same boat as me.

I like my obsession, but at the same time I don't want to bring it into my relationship. I'm lucky I am on antidepressants, otherwise I probably would be wallowing in despair of myself for being such a fool. I noticed enough signs that he didn't like me talking about them, but I was foolish enough to let myself get too carried away and ignore those signs. Uh! Why am I so stupid????

I have learned that it is best to make no more than the three most important sentences (sentences, not paragraphs, hehe) about a topic before I stop and let the other person comment or ask questions; if they don't I move on. I amn't always perfect about this technique, but it helps. I learn to be brief while still getting the most important ideas out there.

^Kinda like this.

Well I do try that. After getting used to somebody, I be brief when bringing up an obsession, but they always seem to guess right away that I'm obsessed, for some reason, even though I'm just talking about it like I would other subjects. So it's got to be nothing with me; I've got to stop talking about my obsession altogether, otherwise I get found out immediately. When I had a best friend in college, she got to the point where she stopped me from talking about my obsession, and I could not talk about it AT ALL, and if I did hint the obsession a teeny, tiny bit, she would make me wish I hadn't said anything. And now I have a feeling it might end up like that with my boyfriend. I feel like I have to not bring up even a teeny smidgen of my obsession, which can be awkward because sometimes there might be a subject come up that involves my obsession but without me intending to bring it up, if that makes sense. Like if I was obsessed with, say, dolphins, and we were in a shop and saw some beautiful ornament dolphins that would catch most people's eye, I would feel like I can't say ''oh, look at those dolphins, aren't they beautiful?'' or something like that, in case he might think I'm trying to bring up my obsession with dolphins. I'm not obsessed with dolphins, I'm just using it as an example. That's how awkward things got with the best friend I used to have. It got to the stage where I was afraid to speak a word of my obsession, even if it was for a genuine reason. And if I remember rightly, I actually lost her friendship due to being too obsessed with my obsessions. And I'm so scared the same thing might happen with me and my boyfriend. I keep getting tummyaches from all the anxiety of this. I have to really give up talking about my obsessions cold turkey, to save my relationship.

I thought this thread would have got more replies?

Staple your mouth together, it will hurt but prevent you from talking. 'Joe'ks (lol)

When I don't talk about an interest of mine I generally just generate random questions that I do not care at all for. It is very tedious. Examples:

. Do you like bacon?
. Would you rather eat 3 whole pineapples in 30 minutes or starve yourself for 5 days?
. Did you know that cracker cheese is very nutritious?

None of it really makes sense and it tires me, but it's a cure from talking about the same thing.

I think the thread lacks replies, because no one knows a good answer.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I don't really know. I have the same problem. Like another poster said I usually try to ask questions about the other person. I usually ask questions about work, school, kids or whatever's going on in their life. Maybe you can make some artwork or write stuff about your obsessions. Maybe you can even torture people on an online community of choice. I used to torture people on yahoo answers by asking questions about my obsessions over and over again.

If you stop altogether you risk destroying the relationship too so I wouldn?t advise it. Instead I?d advise you ask your boyfriend for his input on the rules surrounding obsession sharing. Develop clear rules that get both of you what you want in a compromising manner this is the basis for a successful relationship. The goal should be to improve how to share obsessions to improve how you communicate not get rid of it.

Do you truly believe you can stop talking about it? For me I know the answer?s no trying to do so just delayed the inevitable failure of the relationship and wasted my time. The problem with a successful compromise is finding out what each of you wants. Saying that you talk about your obsession too much is far too vague, what does he want?

Does he want to talk and share some of the things he likes, does he want to have sex with you more, does he have a problem that he wants your support on, are you overwhelming his ability to encourage you in this subject, is he unwilling to indulge your obsession to the minimal expectable amount given his responsibilities as boyfriend? Then you have to figure out what you?ll want. Most likely you?ll want to talk about your obsession for a general timeframe everyday and be ?positively accepted and encouraged? with the guaranteed safety that you will never be rejected for it.

I dunno, I just try to keep people involved when talking to them about something that interests me which can be hard. I have a bad tendency to lecture and I could see how that can bother some people especially if they're not interested in what I am talking about. The worst is when you find yourself repeating something but you can't think of anything else to say and they're not giving you anything back. I try to talk about common interests when I can so maybe you can try to find some middle ground? All I got, probably not the best person to ask for advice on this.

For me I can't stop thinking about my obsession when I have one. I can stop talking about it in the sense that I just keep my mouth shut and refuse to vocalize those thoughts. I keep thinking about them so I never think of anything else to say. I can't think of anything else to say when all I can think of is what I'm obsessed about.

So I can make the choice to talk about my obsession or talk about nothing at all. Both options ruin the interaction. The underlying problem isn't that I keep talking about my obsession. It's that I can't stop thinking about it. Thought leads to speech.

I really don't have a solution. I'm just rambling like a good Aspie should.