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motherofhim
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 89
Location: USA East Coast
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 Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:31 pm Post subject: Where does out and out lying play into Asperger's? |
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Does anyone have this kind of trouble with their Aspies? I don't recall seeing that lying is one of the symptoms of Aspergers and I suspect lying has nothing to do with this.
Does anyone have a child who out and out lies about homework, claiming is has been done, when he knows that I and his father correspond with ALL of his teachers about homework and that we are going to find out that not only did he not do his assignments, but he also blatantly lied to us, anyway?
We will mention this to his psychiatrist when next we see him....it has been going on for too long now, that it seems pathological.
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chamoisee
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 28, 2004
Age: 37
Posts: 1066
Location: Idaho
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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I did that, and I'm aspie. We do lie, but we do it badly.
Try to find out why he is anxious enough about the homework to lie about it. (I usually have to be very anxious before I will lie, because it does go against my grain and niggle at me).
When I lied about homework, it was because I didn't understand the work, and noone could explain it to me in a way that I could comprehend, or it was frankly overwhelming, or, it was so stupid-simple that I found it insufferably boring and unnecessary. I was sort of snobby in that I found a lot of work beneath me, and given my ability at the time, it probably was, but ignoring the work made my grades suffer.
My son (who has a lot of aspie aspects) also lies about his homework, even though he's very bright and the best reader in his class!! We finally had a talk with the teacher: now he writes down all assignments for the day before he leaves school. She looks at the list, signs it, and he brings it home. He can't go anywhere or do anythign fun or go online until the work is finished. If he forgets the list, he automatically doesn't get to do anythign for that night. It has worked very, very well. |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:20 pm Post subject: Hmmmm? |
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Technically lying is not a skill most
autistic people exhibit. This is why
It might be pathelogical. Autism
creates obsessive behaviors as coping
mechanism's.
Hmmm? What, besides school, and home
work does he obsessively lie about?
These lies will show a possible issue
that he isn't able to express?
Hmmm?
most Inquisitive?
Ghosthunter |
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Scoots5012
Senior Member
Joined: Jul 02, 2004
Age: 30
Posts: 2269
Location: Cheyenne Wyoming
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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Being someone who was in that exact same position that you described some 15 years ago, I might be able to provide insight.
I lied becasue I often forgot to bring homework with me to do, often becasue when the day was done, the thought of simply getting out of school for the day was so appealing it blocked out all other thoughts in my mind, and I didn't feel like dealing with my dad who could be quite vengeful on such matters.
I lied becasue I couldn't concentrate on doing homework, thus it wouldn't get done, or got done poorly, or I wasted so much time on it that I didn't have ambtion to do anymore.
In the heat of the moment lying was more plausable for me. I could deal with my parents later, it gave me time to prep for their rath.
I hope this helps
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Sarcastic_Name
Seasoned Happy Person
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 21
Posts: 3593
Location: Jax,FL,USA
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| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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I still lie about it now, every now and then. My mom thinks nagging me about homework will get me to do it. My brother lies about everything. He does it because he doesn't feel like doing what needs to be done. Or forgetting, ADD kid. I don't do homework when I know the material well enough or think it might be one of those "trick" assignments ( they tell you to do it, but never collect or check it, they'll call it practice). Also when I have no idea how to do it, and can't bring myself to bs my way through it. Hope I helped! 
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Happy, in love, and back. Don't know for how long, but I'm feeling nostalgic and wiser. |
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Bec
Obsessing and Stressing
Joined: Aug 18, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 1918
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:42 am Post subject: |
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Most people with AS are honest to a fault, but we can still lie. It seems that most of you are saying that you can't lie well. For the most part, I can lie quite well. Just don't tell my parents.  I don't lie often, though, I'm not fond of doing it.
I don't tell social lies well. For example if someone asks 'Does this make me look fat?' and it does I will most likely (if I'm not thinking about my AS) say yes. |
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thechadmaster
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 14, 2005
Posts: 343
Location: Here, wherever that is
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:57 am Post subject: |
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I used to do that. When questioned i would try to talk my way out of it but ususally failed miserably. My father called it dancing around the subject, which i never understood because there wqas no dancing involved. I am a better liar now but not nearly as good as OJ or Michael Jackson
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Jetson
The Map Maker
Joined: Feb 23, 2005
Posts: 1219
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:25 am Post subject: Re: Where does out and out lying play into Asperger's? |
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| motherofhim wrote: | | I don't recall seeing that lying is one of the symptoms of Aspergers and I suspect lying has nothing to do with this. |
It's not a symptom by any means. Most of us are unable to lie convincingly because we can't control our body language and our lack of eye contact predisposes people to question our honesty anyway so we eventually just stop trying. Those of us who do learn to lie tend to do it *very* well although we still get caught when the facts are exposed. (I wonder how that correlates with those whose eye contact problem manifests itself as intense staring instead of gaze aversion?) I suspect the more capable liars are those who grew up in more threatening school environments where the benefits of lying were worth the extra effort.
When I was in elementary/middle schools my mother had an arrangement with my teachers where all of my homework was listed in a notebook and signed by both my teacher (that the list was complete) and by my mother (that I had at least tried to do the work). That ensured I didn't pretend I had none and also prevented my teachers from getting angry when executive dysfunction prevented me from completing the work. We had no knowledge of AS back in the 70's, so nobody was really sure why I was having such a hard time with homework. This solution was quite effective, and allowed us to put a cap on the number of hours I would sit at the table before my Mom would sign-off on the attempt. Otherwise I could be sitting there all night long....
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Civet
The Practical Cat
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
Posts: 1342
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:29 am Post subject: |
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I can lie fairly well, mainly because I tend to display little body language and facial expression in the first place. My tone of voice tends to remain the same. I prefer not to lie, however.
I do tend to stare too much, it's either that or the gaze avoidance thing, but I'm not sure how this effects people, in regards to believing me or not.
I have a tendency to unintentionally confuse people sometimes, because I'm not that great at being sarcastic. Sometimes they actually believe what I'm saying. |
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Asparval
The Big Chicken
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Posts: 1175
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:52 am Post subject: |
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Doing work at school was a little easier because the lessons were structured (although just being there was extremely stressful).
Doing homework always seemed impossible because to do it I had to try and structure the time myself.
It becomes extremely difficult to get back into school mode once you have left the school building.
School is for learning / home is for letting go and relaxing.
Having time to relax and pursue your own interests is extremely important for the well being of someone with AS (I mean seriously important ~ much more so than mere homework)
I can't remember lying about my homework ~ just not doing it. |
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motherofhim
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 89
Location: USA East Coast
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| Asparval wrote: | Doing work at school was a little easier because the lessons were structured (although just being there was extremely stressful).
Doing homework always seemed impossible because to do it I had to try and structure the time myself.
It becomes extremely difficult to get back into school mode once you have left the school building.
School is for learning / home is for letting go and relaxing.
Having time to relax and pursue your own interests is extremely important for the well being of someone with AS (I mean seriously important ~ much more so than mere homework)
I can't remember lying about my homework ~ just not doing it. |
Yeah, home is for relaxing but if Ian took the time to just get the work done, he'd find he had more time to "relax", I can assure you.
He is capable of doing it, but doth protest too much....
Anyway, these are his major obsessions throughout the years:
Fans (floor, window or ceiling); this was the first at age 2.
Mexican Culture
Native American Culture
Road Runner everything/Chuck Jones
Cacti
Einstein
Theory of Relativity
Quantum Theory
Volcanoes
Snow, cold weather
Astronomy/outerspace
Pollution of nature/prevention
Golf
Horses
Hamsters
Cats
Birds of North America
(memorized each and every)
George Plimpton
Defunct Computers (Amiga)
3 Stooges films and books about same
Video Games, of course...
Sim City
Back to the Future films
re watching movies ad infinitum.
at the time, Pokeman, had every card, knew everything, every game.
Music from the 1940's
Classical music
Lake fishing
Well, you get the picture; typical Aspie stuff.
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In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer........Albert Camus |
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Asparval
The Big Chicken
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Posts: 1175
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:39 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Fans (floor, window or ceiling); this was the first at age 2.
Mexican Culture
Native American Culture
Road Runner everything/Chuck Jones
Cacti
Einstein
Theory of Relativity
Quantum Theory
Volcanoes
Snow, cold weather
Astronomy/outerspace
Pollution of nature/prevention
Golf
Horses
Hamsters
Cats
Birds of North America
(memorized each and every)
George Plimpton
Defunct Computers (Amiga)
3 Stooges films and books about same
Video Games, of course...
Sim City
Back to the Future films
re watching movies ad infinitum.
at the time, Pokeman, had every card, knew everything, every game.
Music from the 1940's
Classical music
Lake fishing
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This is what we call Aspie homework.  |
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motherofhim
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 89
Location: USA East Coast
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:52 am Post subject: |
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| Asparval wrote: | | Quote: | Fans (floor, window or ceiling); this was the first at age 2.
Mexican Culture
Native American Culture
Road Runner everything/Chuck Jones
Cacti
Einstein
Theory of Relativity
Quantum Theory
Volcanoes
Snow, cold weather
Astronomy/outerspace
Pollution of nature/prevention
Golf
Horses
Hamsters
Cats
Birds of North America
(memorized each and every)
George Plimpton
Defunct Computers (Amiga)
3 Stooges films and books about same
Video Games, of course...
Sim City
Back to the Future films
re watching movies ad infinitum.
at the time, Pokeman, had every card, knew everything, every game.
Music from the 1940's
Classical music
Lake fishing
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This is what we call Aspie homework. |
OIC
I don't have a compulsive bone in my body. The only thing I have ever collected is Doors memorabilia, so un Aspie, of me!!!
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In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer........Albert Camus |
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Asparval
The Big Chicken
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Posts: 1175
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | I don't have a compulsive bone in my body. The only thing I have ever collected is Doors memorabilia, so un Aspie, of me!!!
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I'm assuming you mean the band and not the history of doors through the ages ~ now that would be very aspie. |
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motherofhim
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 89
Location: USA East Coast
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| Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Asparval wrote: | | Quote: | I don't have a compulsive bone in my body. The only thing I have ever collected is Doors memorabilia, so un Aspie, of me!!!
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I'm assuming you mean the band and not the history of doors through the ages ~ now that would be very aspie. |
Fortunately or not, it's Come on Baby Light My Fire......... not screen, patio, french, double, dutch, saloon, etc.
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In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer........Albert Camus |
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