Ribbons
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 131
Location: Manchester
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 Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:39 pm Post subject: do you ever feel that people think your a fraud? |
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im constantly trying to explain the difficulties i have and most of the time people just say to me are you sure thats not the way youve been brought up?
or we all get like that sometimes
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I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do |
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parts
Jack of All Trades
Joined: Sep 03, 2005
Posts: 1713
Location: New England
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:00 pm Post subject: |
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I don't even bother trying to explain anything anymore. I have gotten too much "but you look normal to me" when it's taking every once of control I have just to be there talking to them. They don't know and I believe could not know whats going on in my head. So if they start I just walk away
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"Strange is your language and I have no decoder Why don't make your intentions clear..." Peter Gabriel
http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php
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Aspie_for_the_Lord
Cognito Ergo Proctor
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 3663
Location: Bristol, England
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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most people wont understand, its how THEY are wired, i mean think about it.... how long did it take the Western world to accept that coloured people were just the same as them, only a differant colour?
NT mindset is that if it isnt like them, they either think you are like them and are faking, or that you are just sub-human - after all ...THEY are normal
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i am that which i am... |
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GeomAsp
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Posts: 167
Location: Spain
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:36 pm Post subject: |
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There is a problem with Nts which i hate: When you ask them a question about yourself, the first thing they think about is how to please you and tell you what you want to hear. So when you tell them about AS, they might think you are just waiting to hear "hey, but you are normal to me".
I wouldn´t try to explain if i were you. Do it only when you find someone special, someone who should know about your condition before the relationship goes wrong. |
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SeriousGirl
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: the Witness Protection Program
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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No, I feel like I am a fraud. I never explain things to people, just act as normal as possible. Explaining yourself should be reserved for a "best" friend or lover. After studying people for 30 plus years, I have concluded that most NTs don't want to know. When someone says, "How are you?" They expect you to say "Fine, and you?" It has as much meaning as two strange dogs sniffing arses.
You feel like you are not gaining acceptance because people don't understand you, but the reality is you are not conforming. It is hard to see this when you are young and wanting acceptance is common to all young people. But we are genetically programmed as the most basic level to identify with a group and adopt the group's behavior. If you try to circumvent the natural course of human interaction, you will inevitably get screwed. It has happened to me thousands of times in 50 years of life until I finally figured this out.
It is a hard lesson for young apsies, but it is important to know. Even when you think you have "acceptance," what you are likely seeing is hypocrisy, lip service, condescension. When Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees, she witnessed a devastating polio epidemic that killed and maimed many members of the troupe. One of the most respected members survived polio leaving a pronounced limp and he tried to return to the society and they tried to kill him. Goodall stepped in and prevented that, but he was forever ostracized from his troupe because he was fundamentally different. We share 98.5% of our DNA with chimps. We have large cerebral cortexes and the greatest thinkers among us have tried to propagate acceptance and inclusion and to make that the group norm. But that xenophobic genetic programming remains that anyone who is not like us is the enemy. We try to explain wars for many different reasons, but it all boils down to a "them" and an "us."
I don't mean to sound harsh, but the world is harsh. And I have empathy for you. Really, I do. This is the only group that I've ever felt empathy for. It is SO amazing.
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Tequila
Trust the people!
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Posts: 26039
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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I don't tell people I meet about my Asperger's. Why? Because in most cases it's none of their bloody business! Many people in my local area know I have problems. They know that I have a mild form of autism but that's about it. I don't overburden them with my problems, just as they don't do the same with me. 
Almost everyone in this world has their problems and worries - we just get a different set. |
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SeriousGirl
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: the Witness Protection Program
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject: Re: do you ever feel that people think your a fraud? |
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| Ribbons wrote: | im constantly trying to explain the difficulties i have and most of the time people just say to me are you sure thats not the way youve been brought up?
or we all get like that sometimes |
Both of these responses can be explained in terms of group behavior:
"thats not the way youve been brought up?"
The speaker is attributing your POV to a group that has different norms than hers.
"or we all get like that sometimes"
You are part of the speaker's group and she feels that way sometimes. She's trying to make you feel like you belong. This is what NTs call "empathy." It's pretty amusing when you think about it this way. LOL.
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MrMark
Abstract Data Type
Joined: Jul 04, 2006
Age: 54
Posts: 10291
Location: Tallahassee, FL
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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Not a fraud so much as people just find me hard to believe sometimes. "How could you possibly be so naïve? Surely you're smart enough to know better!" Well, I've been tryin' my whole life to be smart enough to know better. Reckon I'm gettin' close?
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Ribbons
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 131
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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. When someone says, "How are you?" They expect you to say "Fine, and you?" It has as much meaning as two strange dogs sniffing arses.
lol just wanted to let you know that i realised this when last week upon purchasing my beloved starbuks and the coffee man said to me - how are you today and i launched into a 10 minute rant about my life, the nhs, my boyfriend, my as and how i was having a nervous breakdown that neither he nor the ppl queing behind me wanted to know or had the slightest interest
i only no this is wrong because my personal tutor has asked me just to say fine when ppl ask and wen i told her about this incident she couldent stop laughing 
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I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do |
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SeriousGirl
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: the Witness Protection Program
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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| MrMark wrote: | | Not a fraud so much as people just find me hard to believe sometimes. "How could you possibly be so naïve? Surely you're smart enough to know better!" Well, I've been tryin' my whole life to be smart enough to know better. Reckon I'm gettin' close? |
No one ever says that kind of thing to me. At least not since I've been an adult. Those kind of remarks are very rude.
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Ribbons
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 20, 2007
Posts: 131
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:55 pm Post subject: Re: do you ever feel that people think your a fraud? |
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You are part of the speaker's group and she feels that way sometimes. She's trying to make you feel like you belong. This is what NTs call "empathy." It's pretty amusing when you think about it this way. LOL.[/quote]
see this is where i get people wrong because i always think there being nasty when they say stuff like that but like you say from there point of view there probabley trying to be nice!
my tutours going to give me lessons on tone of voice becoz i just dont get it!
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SeriousGirl
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: the Witness Protection Program
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Ribbons wrote: | | . lol just wanted to let you know that i realised this when last week upon purchasing my beloved starbuks and the coffee man said to me - how are you today and i launched into a 10 minute rant about my life, the nhs, my boyfriend, my as : |
Yes, there's many things like this that are not obvious and were once taught as "manners" or "etiquette." My grandmother taught me these things in a very formal way. She had the mind of a Victorian and I found it very useful. I should make a list of socially appropriate stock responses for common conversations. I have several books on etiquette, including "Miss Manners," and I have memorized stock responses to most social onversation. It serves me well. The rest of the stuff, I analyze it to death. 
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SeriousGirl
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: the Witness Protection Program
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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Ribbons, I don't get tone of voice very well. I have to analyze the content.
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crazedchef
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 05, 2007
Posts: 320
Location: Texas
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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Hello,
The only people I have told so far, my family, are in complete denial and are patronizing to the extent of making me explode.
I don't have daily contact with my family because of where I am at. It seems like they are at the "Well isn't that special." phase. Totall denial.
I do not have high enough opinions of my friends and acquantices to even bother telling them. I cannot see any benefit. Most people are too closed minded (God I hate this SOB I work with, sorry, but I have to sit next to this Nazi racist moron pig for 12 hours a day, i truly want him to die heinously) to accept something like this.
My family thinks that my behavior has always been "My Fault". So did I until a couple of weeks ago. Now I know, too bad noone else does.
crazedchef |
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Graelwyn
Myrrdyn
Joined: Dec 21, 2006
Age: 38
Posts: 9107
Location: Hants, Uk
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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| SeriousGirl wrote: | | After studying people for 30 plus years, I have concluded that most NTs don't want to know. When someone says, "How are you?" They expect you to say "Fine, and you?" It has as much meaning as two strange dogs sniffing arses. |
So very true! The irony of it is that I finally realised this through my belonging to numerous spiritual forums... it made me sick when I realised that all their love and light was more like lies and hype.
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AQ - 46/50
Aspie Score - 180/200
NT Score - 24/200 |
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