My grandmother just died

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My father just gave me the news that she died Saturday. I don't know what to feel.

I feel terrible for not visiting her all these years. She's my paternal grandmother, not the maternal one whom I'm closest to and I haven't seen her since 2001. And I always was telling myself I'd go to see her. After all, she lived only a few miles away.

I'm not as close to my paternal side of the family and haven't heard a word from my father in five years until he called to tell me she had died. It's as if I let my anger at my father influence my relationship with my grandmother, even though she had nothing to do with the way he acted. Now she's gone and I'll never get to visit her or talk to her again.

She was always so nice to me and loved me and all her other grandkids. She was 89 years old, for god's sake. How the hell I couldn't see I didn't have time not to visit her? What the hell's wrong with me?

im sorry your grandmother died

i never knew how to feel either

life is busy... only thing you can do is to keep trying to make more time (and believe me, it just gets harder and harder)... so don't beat yourself up over it... she wouldn't want you to do that.

Yea thats a very hard thing to deal with, its like you dont feel anything even though your suppose to, so its almost like you feel you have to, when you don't know how to. Wow that was confusing what I just wrote, but I hope you understand what I meant by it. I'm sorry about your grandmother also.

Sorry. But, it seems as though you're blaming
yourself for NOT going to see someone that
you were never all that close to. Don't kick
yourself over this. There are a lot of people
whom you are not close to, and whom you
will never get another chance to speak with.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I feel like I can relate a little bit to how you are feeling. My best friend died in a car accident on Friday. Death of a relative or friend is a hard thing to deal with and it is ok to feel sad with the loss of that person in you life whether you visited them a lot or not. What is not good is to blame yourself for not visiting as often. You had no way to know what would happen and regret and sadness are natural to experience for a while after the death of someone you know. Maybe something you could do to help is to write a letter or something. And everyone is here for you at WP. So if you want to talk go ahead.

I am very sorry....

I'm sorry for your loss!

I'm sorry for your loss.It is difficult finding the best ways to relate to the people in our lives,and knowing how to make time to spend with everyone.Try not to beat yourself up with regrets.Rather,go forth with good memories.

nirrti_rachelle, I had some of the same reactions when my great grandmother died. I did have the opportunity to see have a few times shortly before she died, although she wasn't really very lucid at that point (she was 102 and had Alzheimer's disease).

Eventually, I think we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. It's can be difficult but an important part of the process of moving on with life.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your words. You can't imagine how healing they have been.

I will always regret not seeing her as often and for one last time before she left this world. All I can do is remember all the good times I did have with her; the conversations, the food she prepared for us grandkids and the love she gave us. She was a strong woman who had the courage to leave an abusive husband and raising seven children (yep, seven) on her own in the roughest projects in the city. She never had much as far as material things yet she was abundant in spirit and goodness.

Hopefully, her passing will help reunite me and my father as well as two half-sisters I haven't seen in ten years. Life is too damn short for us to keep our distance from each other any longer. I was holding off because I was afraid of rejection and getting hurt again. But I'd rather take the risk of getting hurt than spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn't even try.