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autisticstar
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 31, 2007
Posts: 142
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 Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 12:16 pm Post subject: Talking in groups of people. |
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| I am fine talking to people on a one on one basis or a very small number of people. When there are four or more people gathered in one place it becomes much more difficult. It's hard to figure when to jump into the conversation. So it seems I either end up interrupting people or just sitting there quietly listening to the conversation only throwing my two cents worth in occasionally. When I am in a situation in which there are large numbers of people and tons of different conversations going on I experience sensory overload. As an example I went to an evening church service last night and afterwards there were large numbers of people in the lobby area milling around. I was so nervous and my stomach felt uneasy. I saw a few people that I was acquainted with and it was a struggle just to come up and say Hi. This inability to handle group situations is a major barrier that I'm trying to overcome. I'm sure people can sense that I'm not comfortable and it puts them off but what can I do? I can manage to at least refrain from complaining and being negative but it just seems impossible to feel at ease in such situations. I feel like this is one thing that is holding me back. Has anyone had any success in being more comfortable in group situations? If so, how did you acheive this? |
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zendell
Art of Zen
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Joined: Nov 11, 2007
Posts: 1174
Location: Austin, TX
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| Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:11 pm Post subject: |
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| I have the same problem. The only thing that helps me is to observe others and practice. The more you put yourself in a group situation, the better you will get at it. |
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thegodofhats
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 01, 2007
Posts: 186
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| Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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Groups are hard for me too, very hard, but I think I'm getting better.
Here's what tips I've got for not seeming so nervous.
Smile (but don't show teeth, that's a sign of agression) and stare at their face, it doesn't have to be their eyes, in fact, I think NTs get nervous if someone is staring at their eyes too, just anywhere on the face.
Pockets are a good place for hands, personally I like one hand in my pocket and the other hand holding something (a pen is my object of choice, but it could be anything).
Saying, "I'm not feeling too well," in a situation where you're uncomfertable isn't a lie and is a perfectly reasonable excuse for any "odd behaviors", noticable discomfert, or leaving early.
Bathrooms are you're friend, sure they're filthy, but they're also quiet.
People like to talk about themselves, ask about them, family, job, school, friends, just get them to talk so you don't have to.
Chewing gum can be a good "in the moment" stress relief.
NTs aren't as good at reading body language as we think, being uncomfertable isn't something they always pick up very fast.
I hope this helps you somehow. |
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the_incident
Raven
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 36
Posts: 110
Location: United States of America
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:33 pm Post subject: Re: Talking in groups of people. |
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| autisticstar wrote: | | I am fine talking to people on a one on one basis or a very small number of people. When there are four or more people gathered in one place it becomes much more difficult. It's hard to figure when to jump into the conversation. So it seems I either end up interrupting people or just sitting there quietly listening to the conversation only throwing my two cents worth in occasionally. When I am in a situation in which there are large numbers of people and tons of different conversations going on I experience sensory overload. As an example I went to an evening church service last night and afterwards there were large numbers of people in the lobby area milling around. I was so nervous and my stomach felt uneasy. I saw a few people that I was acquainted with and it was a struggle just to come up and say Hi. This inability to handle group situations is a major barrier that I'm trying to overcome. I'm sure people can sense that I'm not comfortable and it puts them off but what can I do? I can manage to at least refrain from complaining and being negative but it just seems impossible to feel at ease in such situations. I feel like this is one thing that is holding me back. Has anyone had any success in being more comfortable in group situations? If so, how did you acheive this? |
I feel the same way in those situations. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to adapt to talking in large groups very well.
Do you feel comfortable speaking in a large group in a moderated setting, such as a classroom?
I'm very curious to know why you feel it's "holding you back?"
_________________
I'm not autistic, although I do not consider myself neurotypical. I've been diagnosed with major depression and socially avoidant personality. Bonus: bipolar disorder.
~My soul must be iron, because my fear is naked.~ |
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Sally
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Oct 30, 2007
Posts: 183
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| Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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i dont enjoy talking in a group either. i answered a question in a lecture for the first & only time a couple of months ago & even though i got the question right (when no one else in the lecture knew the answer) i spent the rest of the lecture shaking as i had scared myself so much by talking infront of that many people! i am happiest in groups of 3 or 4 as i find when there is just 2 of you the focus is on you to talk, whereas if there is more of you it is easier to just listen. as for knowing when to speak it is v. difficult & i dont know how anyone can get it right all the time. i think you just have to wait till there is a break in the conversation & if you have something relating to the conservation you speak then. however talking about stuff completely unrelated to the conversation is often not appropriate (the other day my housemates were talking of something i wasnt particularly interested in when i told them that in the second world war the Germans claimed to have destroyed HMS victory, they weren't too impressed: the friends that is not the germans!). however if you get it wrong & talk at the wrong time or about the wrong thing try not to worry about it & wait until the next time it appears to be a break in the conversation then make your point then if it is still relevant.
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Never waste time in a hug |
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886
Mongolian Platypus
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 5270
Location: seattle
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| Posted: Wed Jan 16, 2008 1:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I just not talk in large groups. I feel it's something that need not be done. I walked past the 8th grade class room, and my old teacher (i go to a k-12 school) asked me to talk about an experience I had in the class. I had no choice but to talk, and there isn't much worse things in the world then having to speak in front of 30 people. It's just something that needs not be done.. |
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