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mom2bax
Toucan
Joined: Oct 12, 2007
Posts: 250
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
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 Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:02 am Post subject: AH HA MOMENT! |
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i had a breakthrough for myself yesterday.
i told B to go and finish his supper then he could play on the computer, he went to the table for a few minutes then came in to play. i asked him if he was finished, he said yes, so i let him play. went into the kitchen a few minutes later and there was food left on his plate, so i got mad at him for lying and kicked him off the computer.
a few minutes later it hit me, he wasn't lying, i had asked the wrong question, he was finished and didn't want to eat anymore, but i wanted him to finish the last bit on his plate. so i asked him if he was finished eating and that's what he said yes to.
it was a slower reaction and unfortunately after a bit of anger, but it finally clicked.
after all the advice and stories and other posts i have read it finally sunk in and i realized it realtively soon afterwards. it's progress at least. horray for small victories. just wanted to share and say thanks for all your help so far. |
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2540
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:24 am Post subject: |
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That's great that figured it out, however all too common we figure it out after the fact. But you know what? My son has big breakthroughs through adversity too. Sometimes it takes a mistake to figure out the bigger message of an event.
I get specific with my food demands, "eat one bite of this" "if you can't eat this, then we'll fix that and you'll eat something else". My issues with food is whether Pop will skip a meal to eat dessert. (my dinner part is full, my water part is empty, I have room for dessert)
So, did B get his computer time back?  |
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Smelena
Cure Neurotypicals Now!
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 2150
Location: Australia
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mightyzebra
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Posts: 972
Location: Somewhere not over the rainbow
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:08 am Post subject: |
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I can see you have obviously had little knowledge of AS and autism. Keep learning and you'll be able to help B even more!
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:26 am Post subject: |
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smelena's right~it is like learning a new language.......glad you were able to rethink the situation.  |
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Corsarzs
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 03, 2007
Posts: 452
Location: Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:52 am Post subject: |
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Wonderful, keeping his literalness in mind will be very important for the rest of his life. With z it's Are you finished? Yes. Let's see, check his plate and help him balance out what he hasn't eaten. Good job!
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Aspies, the next step in evolution? |
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rachel46
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 193
Location: Midwest US
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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| It is a different language and once you learn it life is so much less stressful. My son's bedroom is upstairs and we finally figured out that just calling his name does not get him downstairs. He is the one who told us "I'll come downstairs if you just say what you want me to come down for" (those Aspies always need a reason!) DUH! Now instead of just yelling "Noah!" We say "Noah come down for dinner or whatever." It's so simple but something you have to learn how to do. |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2053
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| Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 7:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't understand why it was such a big deal that he finish every bite. Once a child is two years old you're supposed to let them eat only as much as they want to, as they are able to determine when they are full. Requiring them to eat every bite after that is one of the most often cited reasons for causing obesity |
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Lunacie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 34
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:53 am Post subject: Re: AH HA MOMENT! |
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| mom2bax wrote: | i had a breakthrough for myself yesterday.
i told B to go and finish his supper then he could play on the computer, he went to the table for a few minutes then came in to play. i asked him if he was finished, he said yes, so i let him play. went into the kitchen a few minutes later and there was food left on his plate, so i got mad at him for lying and kicked him off the computer.
a few minutes later it hit me, he wasn't lying, i had asked the wrong question, he was finished and didn't want to eat anymore, but i wanted him to finish the last bit on his plate. so i asked him if he was finished eating and that's what he said yes to.
it was a slower reaction and unfortunately after a bit of anger, but it finally clicked.
after all the advice and stories and other posts i have read it finally sunk in and i realized it realtively soon afterwards. it's progress at least. horray for small victories. just wanted to share and say thanks for all your help so far. |
I see that kind of thing once in a while with my granddaughters. But what I think really helped the therapist make the diagnosis between Bipolar and Autism is that the youngest tends to put two or more thoughts together in a sentence, and it seems to make perfect sense to her, but we don't understand what connection she is seeing between these things. Wish I could remember one of them to share here, but since they don't make any sense to me, it's hard to remember them.
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
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mightyzebra
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Posts: 972
Location: Somewhere not over the rainbow
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 5:50 am Post subject: |
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| Triangular_Trees wrote: | | I don't understand why it was such a big deal that he finish every bite. Once a child is two years old you're supposed to let them eat only as much as they want to, as they are able to determine when they are full. Requiring them to eat every bite after that is one of the most often cited reasons for causing obesity |
Mmm, you've got a good point there triangular trees*! Unless of course it is something healthy/you haven't got anything else to give them.
*Are they right angled, isoceles, scalene or equalateral? 
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2053
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:11 pm Post subject: |
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| mightyzebra wrote: | | Triangular_Trees wrote: | | I don't understand why it was such a big deal that he finish every bite. Once a child is two years old you're supposed to let them eat only as much as they want to, as they are able to determine when they are full. Requiring them to eat every bite after that is one of the most often cited reasons for causing obesity |
Mmm, you've got a good point there triangular trees*! Unless of course it is something healthy/you haven't got anything else to give them.
*Are they right angled, isoceles, scalene or equalateral? |
Equilateral.
Though for the health food angle, the official talk is to balance it out through the day. So if they don't eat any fruits at breakfast/lunch/dinner than the only thing they should be offered for a snack when they're hungry is fruit. And if you have nothing else to give them, then you can always offer the exact same thing again later when they say they're hungry. Thats a much better approach than making them eat every single bite at a meal even though they are already full. Children don't willingly starve themselves
My problem comes not from being required to eat every bite, but from often having nothing at all to eat, but the thing I have the hardest time with is not forcing myself to clean my plate. I have to stop and think "I'm full. I don't need to keep eating." then i have to move the plate. Otherwise as long as its front of me i'll keep eating at it, even if I eaten so much my stomach hurts. This is especially a problem in restaurants as they serve huge portion sizes. Not surprisingly I'm at least 50 lbs overweight right now. I don't think its a stretch for a child who was forced to eat past his stomach telling him he was full to end up the same way as an adult. |
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equinn
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 755
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| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:15 pm Post subject: |
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I don't understand--of course he wasn't lying. Why would you believe he was lying because he didn't finish his dinner? My kids eat what they want--according to them finished is I'm full and don't want anymore. NT or AS--this seems a bit obvious.
What am I missing?
Also, our kids are not dogs. When you call, you expect them to come running? Why would they? I can't imagine my son running down the stairs after calling his name. It just doesn't work.
Maybe in the brady bunch or leave it to beaver world.
I think I'm from another planet.
I don't mean any offense, but I just don't understand the problem.
I'll admit, I NEVER accuse my son of lying--hate this word--most times they DO NOT lie and if it is a fib, it is innocent with no malicious intent. White lies are forgivable.
Treat your kids as you expect they are and they will become it--AS or not.
If you accuse them oflying, they will be liars, eventually.
I despise public school fo rthis reason. This is where they learn the language of MYOB (mind your own busniess) and telling a lie or liar--awful. |
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mightyzebra
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 26, 2007
Posts: 972
Location: Somewhere not over the rainbow
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| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| equinn wrote: | | Also, our kids are not dogs. When you call, you expect them to come running? Why would they? I can't imagine my son running down the stairs after calling his name. It just doesn't work. |
I do when my mum calls me.
The rest of your post pretty much makes sense though.
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Saqqara
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 26, 2007
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| equinn wrote: | I don't understand--of course he wasn't lying. Why would you believe he was lying because he didn't finish his dinner? My kids eat what they want--according to them finished is I'm full and don't want anymore. NT or AS--this seems a bit obvious.
What am I missing?
Also, our kids are not dogs. When you call, you expect them to come running? Why would they? I can't imagine my son running down the stairs after calling his name. It just doesn't work.
Maybe in the brady bunch or leave it to beaver world.
I think I'm from another planet.
I don't mean any offense, but I just don't understand the problem.
I'll admit, I NEVER accuse my son of lying--hate this word--most times they DO NOT lie and if it is a fib, it is innocent with no malicious intent. White lies are forgivable.
Treat your kids as you expect they are and they will become it--AS or not.
If you accuse them oflying, they will be liars, eventually.
I despise public school fo rthis reason. This is where they learn the language of MYOB (mind your own busniess) and telling a lie or liar--awful. |
Going to have to disagree with you here; allowing blatant lying to continue is really asking for it. In this case, it was just a misinterpretation. Big difference. Big difference between "accusing" them of lying and of simply pointing it out. |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 49
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 1:41 am Post subject: |
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| equinn wrote: | I don't understand--of course he wasn't lying. Why would you believe he was lying because he didn't finish his dinner? My kids eat what they want--according to them finished is I'm full and don't want anymore. NT or AS--this seems a bit obvious.
What am I missing?
Also, our kids are not dogs. When you call, you expect them to come running? Why would they? I can't imagine my son running down the stairs after calling his name. It just doesn't work.
Maybe in the brady bunch or leave it to beaver world.
I think I'm from another planet.
I don't mean any offense, but I just don't understand the problem.
I'll admit, I NEVER accuse my son of lying--hate this word--most times they DO NOT lie and if it is a fib, it is innocent with no malicious intent. White lies are forgivable.
Treat your kids as you expect they are and they will become it--AS or not.
If you accuse them oflying, they will be liars, eventually.
I despise public school fo rthis reason. This is where they learn the language of MYOB (mind your own busniess) and telling a lie or liar--awful. |
I think it was terrible to say this boy was "lying". Aspies rarely lie - we can seem to because of misunderstandings such as this one. It's necessary to be very specific with Aspies.
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Break out you Western girls,
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