tell or no?

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What do people feel about disclosure? My son is starting a new Before Care--should I explain that he has AS or no? Do I have to? I'd rather not if I don't have to. If it comes up then possibly. He'll be there for about 45 minutes M-F.

thanks!

equinn

It depends on the child. Will your son easily adapt to a new/different before care? Or will he act out? How will he act out? My son is very High Functioning. His teacher is aware of his AS but the before/after care doesn't. (at least I don't think so)
Does the daycare require that he participate in activities while he is there? My son does ok in the school provided daycare but he does keep to himself and doesn't play any of the games or socialize like the other children. Of course, as most Aspie children, he is "weird" or "odd" to the other children. To me, he is eccentric and loveable.

i'd consider telling them. i wouldn't go in depth, though.....just explain what he has difficulties with, and how he reacts when he's having difficulties.

We went on holidays and put our 7yo son into their care facility. After about 2 visits, they said - when we were picking him up - we need to talk to you about his behaviour.

I didn't really want to say aspergers because most people give me blank looks but I said it anyway. They were really excited, one girl said she was studying aspergers and after that they gave him the best of care.

I think it's worth disclosing to professionals.

sounds like overall the opinion is that I SHOULD tell. BUT, I'm so worried they will treat him differently or be looking for things. At the last place, the childcare worker was so inept and kept taking notes about every little thing he did. I pulled him out because I felt this was unhealthy--it was as if he were being scrutinized like some kind of lab rat. I didn't like that at all!! !!

I just don't know!! ! I'm desperate for before care and I don't want this to NOT work.

There is a section for special needs and I feel almost dishonest in NOT saying anything, as if I'm ashamed of it, which of course I'm not--I just don't want any preconceived notions or baises before my son has even had a chance.

More opinions would be appreciated!! !! I can't decide and I only have until next Monday!

Experiences telling and not telling, PLEASE!

equinn

I think I would tell or, at least, mention it in passing. Things have always fallen through when I haven't given people a fair warning. I tried not to tell his dentist and we had some issues there . Now, they know what the deal is and they are very supportive when I bring him in.

How old is your son?

You really need to find out how they treat special needs kids there - can you ask one of the other mothers who has a kid in the special needs section? If not, maybe don't tell until you've had a chance to ask.

equinn: my daughter is four and is high functioning. She has been in gymnastics for over a year and she loves it. The past couple of weeks she has been having some behavior issues (pouting, shutting down) because she didn't have her water bottle. One of the instructors came up to me after class this past weekend and asked me if my child didn't want to take class and I was forcing her or something. She did this in front of all the other parents. I explained it was about a water bottle, but the response wasn't real understanding. Next week I'm going early and I'll be having a talk with the owner.

I also waited a couple of months into the school year before telling her preschool teacher. I wanted them to see my daughter first, the autism second. I think it's important to speak up if a problem arises, preferably before one does.

my son is a 7yr old Aspie and we've told pretty much everyone.

at least mention it in passing especially in group situations.

he has a wandering tendency and it's definitely safer to let people know to keep an extra eye out.

The one time I didn't (kind of assumed everyone knew by now) I lost him in a hockey stadium when he went off with a large group + a couple of adults. It was awful.

The only downside is you sometimes get a panic'ed look and "I don't know how to handle this" vibe. I just tell them it's not a big deal and I thought they should just know as a heads up. 9/10 it's OK.

My thinking on this is that some people will react well when they are told about AS and some will not. Since it is very difficult to predict in advance how well someone will react, I follow a simple rule of thumb:

If things are going well, I don't tell. If problems start, I tell.

"If things are going well, I don't tell. If problems start, I tell."

I like this. Just what I was waiting to here.

Thanks for all the reponses. I was on the fence, but I think I will go with my initial feelings that if he's doing well, why tell? If something occurs, then I can tell.

He's only there for a short time in the morning.