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Obstinate
Raven
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 113
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 Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:57 am Post subject: Let's face it: You NEED a Friend |
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I know the lot of you feel that you can get by just lovely without friends and everything, but that's not quite the case. There's just so much you can keep bottled in, and eventually it's gonna take it's toll, and you're gonna end up super depressed. I ended up that way, but then I met a really great friend, and confided in her that I'm simply "Nothing like anybody else. Not just personality wise, but mentally, emotionally." And she makes me feel welcome all the time and gives me hugs and asks me if anything's wrong, and even if she can't understand it, I just open up to her, and she gives me her commentary on it, and tells me what I should try doing to feel better about it. Even things that've been bugging me for years. And on top of that, she's one of those super Extroverted types so she knows a thing or two about how to interact with people, so I learn a bit about that too. But irregardless, 99.9% of people suck, tops. But it's great to find .01%, because at least one of them will help you out so much there's not enough words in the world to thank them for it  . It really is hard to keep thinking about the same things over and over and over for years. Just a word of advice, thanks for your time! |
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Sargon
Sea Gull
Joined: Aug 28, 2007
Posts: 248
Location: Fairfax, VA
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:30 am Post subject: |
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I'd have to somewhat disagree with you, basic statistics would suggest your suggestion is not a very good idea (.01% of success is a fairly low probability), and thus the expected costs are greater than the expected benefits  . Even putting that aside, as Thoreau said, "There's no companion as companionable as solitude"; some people here are actually happy to be alone, especially if the alternative is socializing with extroverted types. |
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oscuria
Verbal Guerrilla
Joined: Feb 01, 2008
Posts: 2164
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:01 am Post subject: |
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| My psychologists said I'm odd and contradicting when I told her I would like friends but dislike people. She said "One part of you wants to socialize, while the other deplores the act."I laughed and agreed. I don't think I need friends so much that I need a sense of self-worth. I am currently feeling good. I don't feel the need to fraternize. Saying "hello" is enough for me. |
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Obstinate
Raven
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Posts: 113
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:05 am Post subject: |
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| Not "fraternize", like talking with a million people, but you meet a person or two at a time, they're lame? Get rid of them. But just like you, I want friends, but dislike people. So what can you do except give it a shot? |
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oscuria
Verbal Guerrilla
Joined: Feb 01, 2008
Posts: 2164
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:25 am Post subject: |
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| Obstinate wrote: | | Not "fraternize", like talking with a million people, but you meet a person or two at a time, they're lame? Get rid of them. But just like you, I want friends, but dislike people. So what can you do except give it a shot? |
What? Your first sentence is confusing to me. |
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SKOREAPV83
Raven
Joined: Aug 13, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 116
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio, USA
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:51 am Post subject: re: NEEDING friends |
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I strongly agree that even we who have AS NEED friends. Back in the early 1990s I did FINE without friends cuz my two childhood friends got too busy with extracurricular activities. But once I learned sign, I'd NEVER be the same. Especially once I got with the Deaf-BLIND and they showed me how GOOD it feels to be touched in the RIGHT ways. I miss the Deaf-Blind more than anyone these days. I've been facing constant rejection from them for 4 years now. A few Deaf-Blind have told me that the Deaf-Blind are like a big family who will kick my a** out. I REFUSE to believe they are all allied against me like that! They're NOT a family - they are a whole culture's worth of people. I learned in college that nationwide in the USA, there are between half & three-quarters of a million Deaf-Blind people. It would be a MAJOR DELUSION to believe that they're all allied against me!
My whole family refuses to learn ASL to improve communication with me. I really don't appreciate that. So yes, I need friends so that I'll have people to sign with so that I can have better communication, especially cuz it's my human right to have better communication. But that's NOT the only reason I need friends...I should stop right here before I end up repeating things I've already said about the rejection I've faced from the Deaf-Blind. Bottom line...I need their touch so bad. |
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richardbenson
Evil Egocentrical Existencialism
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 10802
Location: Here snow will always fall
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 11:58 am Post subject: |
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i agree with Obstinate. unfortuanlty making friends isnt one of my strong points, i think now im just content at not having freinds because i havent had any since i was in schools. i guess thats why i post on message boards 
_________________
Gem quality Fire Agate has been found only in parts of California, Arizona, and Mexico. Despite the fact that this gemstone may never become mass merchandised it has created a small yet devoted following among those who apprechiate its beauty |
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LiendaBalla
Self-editing princess :P
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1506
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:10 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, most people need friends, but I'm pretty dam certain I don't. No seriously. I agree with you about 99.9% people being selfish, though.
Last edited by LiendaBalla on Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:14 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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preludeman
Phoenix
Joined: May 22, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 616
Location: In my inner sanctum of solitude.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:12 pm Post subject: My Two Cents. |
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Everyone needs to speak to someone it is human nature.
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Do what you can when you can. I'm also the "alien"they are looking for. |
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LiendaBalla
Self-editing princess :P
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 31
Posts: 1506
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Hey, hermits are human to. Lol |
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KingdomOfRats
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 3583
Location: Manchester
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:18 pm Post subject: |
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It depends on what is meant by friends,it seems to mean different things depending on who user is.
Not all on the Autistic spectrum has a sense of,or connection to humans and so connect to other things instead whether a living thing or object,am have a profound connection and awareness with cats and class them as friends.
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[LFAutie]
..::moderate & severe autism support:..
.:The residential autist:. -:updated-May:- |
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SilverProteus
The years, no doubt, have changed me.
Joined: Jul 21, 2007
Posts: 7154
Location: Fleet Street.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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Any social outlet is fine, not necessarily "friends".
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"How about a shave?"
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scumsuckingdouchebag
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 15, 2007
Posts: 521
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:47 pm Post subject: |
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I need a friend who I share an area of interest with and someone to work on projects/research with for fun. Otherwise, we're likely to drive each other away if we try to contact each other too often and meet in person as often as normal people do...
When you try to explain to a friend that you sometimes need weeks of solitude at a time and they don't understand that a person can feel 'worn out' by being around other people even a small percentage of the time, it is frustrating. My former friend liked to go to bars, billiard halls, and malls very frequently, resulting in me getting bored very quickly and tiring of the noise and crowd and him becoming angry and calling me various names.
People often say 'opposites attract'. In my case(probably the case of most here), this phrase doesn't seem to apply.
I do have a social outlet: I visit my mother, her boyfriend, and my sister every couple weeks and we do drugs and get drunk. 
But a close friend, who is not going to grow irritated at me or get tired of me, because of my ways of interacting, frequency of interacting, 'weirdness', and obsessive/somewhat obscure interests(where I become agitated if I go a long enough time without pursuing them)? I'd like that very much. I probably won't find one any time soon in real life, and I will just have to accept that.
A friendly acquaintance though? I know a few who I speak to online that I know from college who fit this area, and if they happen to want to design stuff with me, I might develop a close friendship. But, I also have to consider that they have social lives and other responsibilities(one of them is married), and thus perseveration may not be appropriate in projects and progress on them would become frustratingly slow. That, and I do not wish to annoy them or drive them away as I have done almost everyone else I tried to be friends with, most of the time without really knowing how or why(and some cases of it being my own fault from bad behavior).
Friends? Still got the snake...
*edit*
And I have PLENTY of friends online.
Last edited by scumsuckingdouchebag on Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:51 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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anbuend
Oak-Type Autie
Joined: Jul 06, 2004
Posts: 3409
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:50 pm Post subject: Re: Let's face it: You NEED a Friend |
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| Obstinate wrote: | | I know the lot of you feel that you can get by just lovely without friends and everything, but that's not quite the case. |
Not sure why you think that. I've got friends.
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"We may seem in the gutter from up there where you are but maybe you don't know we still see the same stars." -Donna Williams |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory, ISFJ Sweet Pea
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 31505
Location: Somewhere between 1964 and 1984, on any given day.
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:51 pm Post subject: |
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I've made two very close friends, over the past year and a half. My life is now better, since I now have someone that I can talk to. We talk to one another about issues that we could never talk to our parents, about. It's nice to have friends.
_________________
"The darling, unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul"
-Ray Davies 1964
<---This is how I actually look, like Mick |
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