What would you consider the line between being....

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What would you consider the line between being friends and more than friends (im 17 btw)

it just over the last 6 months i found myself in a situation where a female friend of mine is sleeping in my bed with me 2 nights a week because her job finishes after the last bus home. She tells me she loves me (albeit platonically) and recently it all descended into her kissing me on the lips whenever we say goodbye. She is in a relationship which she was in before she met me and its clear nothing is gonna happen but i cant help but feel theres a line thats been blurred somewhere.

this is a weird thing i have going on here isnt it?

Sounds to me that you are standing right on the line and it's heading toward romantic waters.

Sounds to me like shes just being a little hesitant to engage you in a romantic encounter... maybe it's some signal that, because of your as, you may not be sending correctly...

What I would do is try and reciprocate any possibly romantic action she does. If she kisses you on the lips, for example, try to make it a more passionate kiss, to truly let her know that you are interested in more than just platonic love.

I think he said she was "involved" with someone. I would hold back from making it more and possibly just ask her right out in a nice way what she wants from you. And if it is more than appropriate when she is seeing someone else, you might need to ask her to sort out her mind first. You don't want to feel like you are the reason for a failed relationship on her part, and I am sure you wouldn't want someone who would go kissing others while you were with her either.

Sounds like she is attracted to you, and the close proximity with you recently might be wearing her resistance thin. I would make her step back and reflect before moving towards more.

Then again I am FAR from a people person and have been known to read more into situations than appropriate.

just an update

its blown up maybe someone can learn from this

longish story but bare with me... Basically i got her invited to a party and she said i could stay at hers but she turned up with her boyfriend and i was royally dropped (other than when she wanted access to my cocktail bag, being a barman pays off i mix alotta awesome drinks)

I got upset, and ignored her knowing i dont handle jealously well. My mate got in some trouble with his Mrs so me and him left and got very drunk on spirits in his garden next door to this party. My friends girl turned up, spoke to him and then must have told the girl this threads about i was really drunk and looked "upset" or something... She comes over and wants to know whats up, I tell her to go away and she doesnt.

I then have a go at her, saying all this drunken rambling that was rather viciouse but im talking faster than she can understand... she tells me to take my heart meds to calm down and I point out the irony of her trying to heal my heart. She asks what I mean and then she starts crying since she sussed me.

the boyfriend has a go at me outta ignorance and I tell him "F**k off Arthure and let Lancelot talk to his lady", then i shout some outlandish threats in Portuguese and my brother not so helpfully translates so she crys some more... some time passes and she goes home.

I have to go to hers to get my phone to call a taxi since i cant stay at hers or my mates where i meet her parents and to my surprise they entirly blame her and offer to take me home.

In the car i find out they were 100% sure she was sleeping with me, and saw how she treated me almost better than her boyfriend but also say she clearly has made her choice in him and suggested (not as her parents but as people) that i move on. They explained they were really worried this day would come and desperatly tried to get her to treat me fairly.

A month passes where she wont talk to me because she doesnt know if she still wants to be friends, in this time all feelings i had for her romantically evaporate as i know all i want is her as a friend.... naturally now that its all i want i cant have it because she will never see me the same way again since it been so clearly shown she cant be so intimate

moral of the story is, think hard if you want to risk a perfect friendship by telling her you love her because you risk having nothing. (i admit the reason it exploded was cos i got agressive but it was a small part of it)

I don't think you bear any blame here. You did nothing wrong except keep an open heart. She used you for a place to stay. She probably already knew that you had feelings for her and she played those too but added the "platonic" tag to make it seem okay. I'll guarantee the boyfriend didn't know she slept in your bed or else he would have kicked your behind long ago.

If a girl is going to sleep in your bed, then you have every right to expect that she will want more. You should have made her sleep on the couch and not with you. If she was kissing you on the lips then she was either giving you a go signal or playing you again.

If she was a true friend, she would have talked to you about this later to clear things up. Good friends do not let their close relationships get away. If they really love you, they will fix it. Her parents knew what she was doing and they know her best. Listen to them.

Don't think you lost the perfect friendship, there was nothing perfect about that. Be glad that you are out of it and be open to meeting someone new. Don't let her call the shots anymore, if she doesn't want to talk to you then let her go. It's good to know your feelings are changing. Sorry this happened to you.

wow.

this is why I try and stay way from dating. or relationships. or..........situations like this.

Mate. I'm sorry to hear that things turned (for lack of a better word) topsey turvey and upsey daisey in hell twice.

My best advice. Don't talk to her for a good long time (three years) and things will be fine. By then she'll have forgotten all about you. And I'm serious on this. This was an unhealthy relationship from the get go. (by the way, are you Kindern, are you British?) It was an unhealthy........well anything from the get go.

Though the fact that you did your best counts for something, sometimes the lemmons in life end up bursting, and you don't get your lemonade

it was perfect if i didnt have feeling for her.... which i dont know


it would have been a deep, loving freindship where nothing sexual happend but we were close enough to be affectionate no muddied waters, just the height of friendship

sadly i did till it was too late

and yeah i am british

No, friends aren't usually like that. If even her parents think she is leading you on and blame her, then there is obviously something wrong there.

that's crazy... least you got out what you had to say... cause that sleeping situation would have lead to something anyway.

i hope she got a stern-talking-to from her parents... AND her BF for that matter... bet he wasn't none too happy about the sleeping arrangements.

hope you feel better

I wish there was a way to give an update without bumping it up the board but hey.

Things have settled into what they should have been all along, friends who talk and have a laugh and spend time together, except now she isn't on my lap all the time and kissing me.

She stopped the job (not over this) so doesn't stay over at all and I heard is very aware it was wrong, sadly not cos of how it made me feel but how it looked to others.

Naturally all I want now is the affection I used to get cos I don't have romantic feelings for her now so it wouldn't confuse me. Now I just feel awkward around her cos I don't know if I can even touch her.

You really cannot win can you?

maybe I just want what I cant have, the grass is always greener and all that?

Be glad it's stopped, because she was within a whisper of cheating on her partner with you.

This way is probably better for most people.

She's probably just waiting for you to make a move. Come on, she's sleeping in your bed. Ask her more about it, or try to be romantic?