Love-shyness and Asperger's

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In the book "Shyness and Love - Causes, Consequences and Treatment" (http://www.love-shy.com/Gilmartin/Dr._B ... &_Love.pdf), Dr. Brian Gilmartin says in a enclosed letter that:

"Another area of some importance not covered by my book is the re-discovery by American psychologists of the work of Hans Asperger. In 1944, Austrian physician and professor Hans Asperger discovered a condition that has come to be known as Asperger's Syndrome. Six out of every seven victims of it are male; and it can be viewed as another name for 'high functioning autism'. Many of us now believe that as many as 40 percent of the cases of severely love-shy men would qualify for a diagnosis of 'Asperger's Syndrome'."

The men interviewed for his book are all friendless, just as most of us. But they all also get "extremely anxiety-ridden over so much as the mere thought of asserting himself vis-a-vis a woman in a casual, friendly way", as stated in page 118.

As far as I know, aspies just don't know how to behave in a social situation, without feeling shyness or shame, right? Or are all aspies shy too? I'm aspie but don't consider myself as a shy person, though I have very poor social skills. Anxiety and shyness are not in the Asperger's diagnostic criteria, but what Gilmartin said has left me confused. What's the edge line?

For those who don't know what I'm talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

I always had it pounded into my head that I was “shy”. My teachers called me shy, my parents called me shy, other kids in school called me shy. I would always get angry whenever someone called me shy because I didn’t feel it was a correct assessment. But it must have been true because everyone said it. It wasn’t until I was 23 that I realized I wasn’t shy after all – just completely, utterly socially inept.

I do experience what could be called anxiety when I am in a social situation. But again I’m not sure it’s such much shyness and anxiety as just plain apprehension. I know that social situations just drain me and I am rarely ever comfortable when attempting to be social. It’s kind of like going to the dentist – you know it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable, but you aren’t shy or anxious about it, just apprehensive.

Knew I'd seen a thread on this subject at some point...
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt4853.html

Yes, this is not shyness.

Of course aspies are usually awkward in social situation. This is difficult for us to develop social skills. Actually we even have to develop skill and do special efforts just to fill the gap and perform like others do naturally.

No wonder that being silent is an easy choice. Not saying a word is a simple way not to say a blunter. If the discussion is quite fast, it is difficult to find correct timing to talk without cuting another. Often, the discussion subject is also not interesting enough to be involved.

Well, I just superficially read the wikipedia page and your comment. It doesn't seems to me that Dr Brian Gilmartin work is really worthfull. For some things he just discovered the hot water, for other he is wrong or not consistent.

So "40 percent of the cases of severely love-shy men would qualify for a diagnosis of 'Asperger's Syndrome", but this is not covered by his book. It's quite a big omission, isn't it ? So he wants to cure "love shyness", but ignores 40% of affected people!

Anyway I don't want to be cured by this kind of guy.

Not surprising.... I actually have a date for the senior prom and I've had a real tough time initiating a conversation or maintaining eye contact with her. But I do have about a month and a half to get over it, so I guess it's not to bad.

I too was always considered shy. I was even put on Paxil in my late teens for "social anxiety". But I know it has more to do with not knowing where I stand with people, so I'm usually pretty quiet unless I know I'm welcome. I can be very silly around people I'm comfortable with. But I avoid most other people because figuring out what to do or say is exhausting, and I don't like overcomplicating my routines in case I accidently make a new friend. Some of it really is shyness, though. I don't want people that I like or respect to think I'm dumb or crazy, so I hesitate to initiate any social exchanges with them. Somehow my nerves make me twice as autistic around guys that I have a crush on. Add that with my displeasure in disturbing my longterm routines, my distaste in talking on the phone for more than a couple minutes, my pickiness in guys, my inability to act like a female adult, my fears of commitment...ect. and that's why I've never cared too much about dating.

I have been labeled as 'shy' my entire life, and I guess it's true to some extent. I have the desire to find a girlfriend but, I'm so socially disabled that I can't convince myself, that any women will tolerate my wierdness long enough to get to know me. I know I'm a good person, but, it takes so long for me to open up to another person that, she will probably be long gone before she even gets a chance to know the real me. Maybe someday....

That's me to a T. I'm very love shy. I tend to want to stay away from guys who try to flirt with me. I've been this way, for 14 years. It all started in the Spring of 1994. A guy in my Sped college class, that I've had a crush on, was turning out, to be a real jerk. I was distancing myself from members of the male sex, until the mid Fall of 2006, when I became friends with three men, and a lot of women. I was even distancing myself from my dad, which was a stupid thing to do. I should have gone to see a Mental Health worker, when that all started, and I would have nipped it, in the bud. I would have never developed psychosis and depression, if I would have gotten help for what I've dealt with, in 1994, that same year.

I have had several experiences with limerence - two shy people who like each other and no-one makes the first move. I think Aspies are especially prone end up in this situation when they fall in love with each other because both are unsure of social cluess that might be very obvious to other people. This can last for months or years. It is actually a nice feeling and very intense.

I'm another one who's been labeled as "shy". I always thought that it didn't quite fit, as I was/am not scared of people, I'm just not particularly interested in them and I don't know what to do with them.
I wouldn't call myself love-shy: I can and have approached men in the past, and I am capable of/willing to assert myself in a romantic situation. At the moment I have no desire for a romantic relationship: people are more trouble than they're worth, I'm very busy and I'm happier (note that that says HAPPIER and not simply "more comfortable") on my own. More alone time= more time to pursue my interests.

I've been called shy, but I'm not shy at all (anyone who doesn't talk or who is quiet will usually be seen as shy around here).

I just don't know how to interact with people; not "behave" here as I tend to know what's appropriate and not for many situations, I just lack the ability to interact.

For example, a person with no hands can watch other people pick an apple up, and know how it's done; this applies to social interaction with me. Then I get overwhelmed and anxious as I do my best to try to pick the apple up (with my intelligence), but I just cannot as I have no hands.

I have always been called shy as well. but i love people. I just can't deal with them very well.