benherszen
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 29, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:08 pm Post subject: Why do I feel inferior to everyone else? |
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I was was diagnosed with asperger's syndrome about 5 years ago this coming June. im 34 years old . My issue is that I feel like I everyone in my age group specfically neurotypicals are getting married, have steady jobs , alot friends, REALLY THEY HAVE A LIFE AND I DONT.
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel so inferior to everyone else.
Thanks Ben |
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matt
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 21, 2007
Posts: 378
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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I've always felt inferior to everyone else.
But I've often been accused of thinking I was better than everyone else. |
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zghost
oh hi there
Joined: Oct 29, 2007
Posts: 1474
Location: Southeast Texas
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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Yep, I know exactly what you mean. You hear about people you went to school with (for example) doing all these things and having great careers, and you feel like you haven't done anything at all.
My little sister has a life I'd love, always doing things, lots of good friends, taking trips....
It's hard NOT to feel inferior sometimes.
By the way, I'm 33. |
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benherszen
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 29, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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| zghost wrote: | Yep, I know exactly what you mean. You hear about people you went to school with (for example) doing all these things and having great careers, and you feel like you haven't done anything at all.
My little sister has a life I'd love, always doing things, lots of good friends, taking trips....
It's hard NOT to feel inferior sometimes.
By the way, I'm 33. |
Thanks for responding to my post. I hear all the time about people i went to high school with and college who just got married or got promoted in a job etc.. It feels good to know that Im not alone in having these feelings.
Ben |
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Rainbow-Squirrel
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Age: 30
Posts: 2437
Location: Siena, Italy
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: |
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I think I can relate, I've been there, I'm still there on some bad days, but I'm coming out of that hole.
My point of view is this: we should just stop comparing ourselves to others, we should instead just stop and ask ourselves: what are the things that I care for, the things that really make me happy, the things that produce positive feelings ? Are they inappropriate for my age ? Yeah, probably they are (If I were an NT...), but it DOESN'T MATTER, because I'm not an NT.
I've learnt from my experience that when I stop worrying about judgments, about what people may think of me, and I just act how I feel, not only I'm happy, but I also get along with people better. |
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IsThatAFact
Blue Jay
Joined: Nov 26, 2007
Posts: 86
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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| I have had an inferiority complex all my life - mainly because I just did not fit with anyone and anything, my AS diagnosis has allowed me to place some logic around those feelings, now I much more accept that I am different not inferior. |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 6519
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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| matt wrote: | I've always felt inferior to everyone else.
But I've often been accused of thinking I was better than everyone else. |
Well, I haven't PRECISELY felt that way, but I had the same accusations.
As for feeling inferior to everyone else? Look at their problems/failings. With ME, after I do that, I find that the only ones I feel a bit inferior to are ones that I respect, etc... Hey, NOBODY is perfect! There is ALWAYS someone better! |
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NArt
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 11, 2008
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm 31 and it would bother me if I wanted to be normal(?). My values are so different than most that I'm happy plotting my own course. |
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9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5893
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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I am 43 years old. To a casual observer, I might be considered a "failure." I don't have a driver's license, am not married, and have only a part time job. However, I've had that job for nearly six years now, really love it and have a lot of different responsibilities during the day. I do more substantial work in 4 hours than some people do working full time. I am looking forward to getting a full time job when the new library opens in August. Meanwhile, my current job is very appropriate for my skills.
I am not a mom, but I do take good care of my cats. I had a Siamese that lived to be 20.
I may not "catch up" to "normal" people my age, but I have done better than I once believed I could.
The only area I am advanced in comparison to many people my age is educational attainment. I have a Master's in English, but sometimes question whether I really needed all of that schooling. Aside from college teaching, nothing I've done really requires a lot of education, just a strong fund of general knowledge, which I believe I have. |
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Heron
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 04, 2008
Posts: 64
Location: Kent
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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| I still feel inferior a lot of the time and have to fight it off. I think it's a lot to do with poor socializing skills, even not so bright NTs walk all over me when it comes to social interaction. I just try to remember my positive points and remind myself not to be ground down, it's a constant struggle we don't really need but have to put up with. It's probably why I/we tend to withdraw from society. Oh well, carry on. |
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DukeGallison
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 181
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rifler39
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 71
Posts: 200
Location: Moses Lake, WA
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:54 pm Post subject: |
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| matt wrote: | I've always felt inferior to everyone else.
But I've often been accused of thinking I was better than everyone else. |
You beat me to it.
I've accomplished much in my life, but am often considered a "failure" by some because I haven't amassed a large of money or material possessions. However, I have amassed what we want and need, so I don't think that is so bad. However, there is a gulf of difference between "think" and "feel."
Pops
_________________
Tools are dangerous only while being controlled by a human.
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benherszen
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 29, 2006
Age: 36
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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I mean I am 34 yrs old and i have never had a girlfriend, never lived on my own etc.... When ever i go out and see other guys with there girlfriend or wives or with there group of friends i feel like "I WISH I HAD THAT" . iT IS A VERY FRUSTRATING THING TO DEAL WITH.
I have trouble with all types of social situations, weddings, bar mitzvahs etc.. I try to go to them but I get sensory overload. I sit there alone or dont talk to anyone. In my heart I want to talk but I can't especially to the opposite sex.
This is really embarssing to say. 
Ben |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 6519
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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Since everyone else said this, I might as well say that when I spoke of how I don't generally feel inferior to everyone else, that is very true, BUT.....
In some ways, I feel THEY are better off....
Socially, and with regard to a family, I might as well be FIVE years old! That is to say I have NO wife or kids, etc.... I WOULD have pets, but I am not sure of how best to train some, and currently don't have a stable enough life to have it in a sane way.
As for my inability to be at social events, I really don't care about that. But one of the best dream segments I recall of my youth was simply walking down the steps from a library in Germany with a nice wife and daughter. I got the idea that I lived there, etc... in a nice part of germany, and the library was big, fancy, and nice. It was a simple and short dream, but nice. MAYBE I should have taken it as an omen, and moved to Germany, but I never did. Oh well, I doubt the fact that my great grand parents were german from germany would have carried enough weight, etc... |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 3166
Location: United States
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 12:22 am Post subject: |
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I'm OK as far as social skills are concerned, but I worry that people look down on me. When I walk past a group of people, I can almost hear them whispering amongst themselves: "Did you see that loser walk by? Yeah, he's so creepy. How can he live like this?" I even cross the street when I see large groups of standing. My "paranoia" is strongest when the group consists mostly of good-looking women. Logically, I know that it's rarely the case, but my tendency to worry about it is just too strong.
This is even true at my job. I often worry what my co-workers are saying behind my back. And most of them are really nice people, with whom I've had good conversations. I try to convince myself that it's all in my head, but I still wonder what they really think of me, and whether or not the niceness is just how they act at work. |
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