Aspie girlfriends- I want some

ford_prefects_kid · Posted: Thu May 22, 2008 7:47 am Post subject:

Not in the same way that many of the male posters complaining in the Love and Dating forum do, but "aspie girlfriends" in the sense of having friends that are also female and aspie.

I think this is my favorite forum on this site even though it has the least activity, simply because I've never heard from other female aspies before and so much of what you say seems to echo my own personal life experience.

I actually first came to this site because I had to write an essay for an ethnic/gender type course- about two groups I identified with, and how these identities conflicted each other within the "presentation of my self." Female was the obvious choice for one, but I figured being caucasion was too common to really use as an ethnic-group. So I went back to my old diagnosis, found the link on wikipedia, and (the day before my paper was due) posted an essay-oriented question here about being a female aspie. (Don't worry, I cited you guys as a source. Wink

) Surprisingly enough, I got some thoughtful replies that actually made me interested in my diagnosis for the first time. So I kept coming back. That thread actually stayed active for quite awhile.

Thing is, I haven't really had any female friends since high school that lasted more than a month. And any that I've ever had only became so because we were in situations where we were forced to talk so often we eventually got to know each other. To this day girls always tell me they assumed I didn't like them at first and that I made them feel uncomfortable. I make a point not to glare at people or look annoyed all the time like I did in high school, but apparently it isn't working.

The only friends I end up making are guys, because it seems I offend and confuse them less and they don't get upset or assume I think I'm better than them just because I don't call or go out much. But since I got in a relationship within a few months of moving here, I can't really make guy friends either.

Granted this is partially my fault, since I don't really have a reason to try as hard, but I've also found that guys are less likely to become your friend if they already know you have a significant other that you are serious about. Kinda like this "oh...you're another dude's chick, um... I don't know if it's cool to be hanging out with you all the time" mentality.

But mostly, it's just frustrating because so many of the women posters here- particularly the ones who are older than me- seem to have so much insight into issues that don't seem to exist in the real world for anyone but me. Don't get me wrong, reading the replies and the few PMs have been greatly appreciated, but it's starting to get embarrassing when stories of my social life consist of, "Oh, and then ______ responded with ::insert witty remark here:: and it was so obviously true, you could practically hear the guy stop typing to think that one over."

I mean, I like being by myself more than most, but I hear all three of my housemates (or at least the smart one who doesn't seem to dislike me) conversing with one or two friends in the living room about stuff that really only girls find interesting, I kinda regret not making more of an effort to learn social skills.

Sheesh... the more stressed and more stuff I have to get done, the more I post here. WP is now my new OCD tick. Embarassed