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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6452
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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 Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:25 am Post subject: is it ok for family to spy on you as an adult? |
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if, say, wrongplanet was a primary social outlet for you, a place to share your innermost thoughts and make friends and stuff, how would you feel about it if your family monitored everything you did here, and constantly sent you critical emails about what you post? like, if you had an overbearing mother whose main hobbies were passing judgment on you and gossiping with her relatives, and she and several of her relatives read all of your posts on a daily basis and discussed them among themselves and then sent you emails with lots of nasty stuff WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS to get their point (which generally involves you being wrong in all ways, and awful for not accepting their complete rightness) across, would that be… ok? bad? good?
how do you think it would psychologically affect someone (particularly an adult, living their own life away from their family) to be spied on and criticized in this manner?
anyone have to deal with this? how would you handle this situation?
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God protects fools. Be a fool.
Proud member of the Auschwitz Girls Club, which now has 5 members! |
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adverb
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 08, 2007
Posts: 235
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:26 am Post subject: |
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oops, that was my post - ana54 forgot to log out again.
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What will happen in the morning when the world it gets so crowded that you can't look out the window in the morning?
- Nick Drake |
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Aaron_Mason
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 04, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 615
Location: Bathurst, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:38 am Post subject: |
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adverb,
My girlfriend gets this kind of thing all the time from her mother. It is most certainly not OK, if you are an adult you should be able to live your life your way. If they missed something in your upbringing, it's too late, whether you needed it or not.
Once my kids hit 18, I'm stepping back and taking an advisory role, letting them make their own decisions and mistakes, while still having a soft place for them if they fall.
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We are one, we are strong... the more you hold us down, the more we press on - Creed, "What If"
AS is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old - Modest Mouse |
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silly_rabbi
Toucan
Joined: May 15, 2008
Posts: 257
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:50 am Post subject: |
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Boundaries need to be set. If you have a talk with them and say "I don't like it when you say x and I'd really like you not to email me about y", and they still do it perhaps it'd be best not to have any contact with them.
I've learned over the years that the delete button/caller id are blessings. If I don't want to hear what person x has to say I ignore them. I know it's hard when it's family, but sometimes the best thing for one's own sanity is to ignore the person.
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There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't. |
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spudnik
The Dude Abides
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 2962
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:52 am Post subject: |
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| Yes they defiantly need boundaries, your an adult, and that is an invasion of privacy |
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Tim_Tex
Bender in Human Form
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 18844
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:55 am Post subject: |
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I've had that happen to me once.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 2994
Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:02 am Post subject: |
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| adverb wrote: | | oops, that was my post - ana54 forgot to log out again. |
Are you two in a relationship or something? You two seem to be sharing the same household.
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Aspergers, PDD-NOS, autistic, who cares what diagnoses I have, it's just a label. All on the spectrum. |
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LostInEmulation
Penguin
Joined: Feb 11, 2008
Posts: 1109
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:37 am Post subject: |
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I'd send 'em nasty viruses! The kind, which reduces your MBR to a pile of rubble. Of course make it in a way they don't associate with you... but if you keep this up, they might understand that the internet is an unsafe place for them.
Sorry, mods, this is talking from wanting to do it myself, I do not want anyone to override their consciousness and commit a crime, but I would definitely do it in such a case!
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I am no native speaker. Please contact me, if I made grammatical mistakes in the posting above.
kip: Now, imagine if Microshaft got a sense of humor and made the command prompt full screen, and with a blue background. |
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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6452
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:43 am Post subject: |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | adverb wrote: | | oops, that was my post - ana54 forgot to log out again. |
Are you two in a relationship or something? You two seem to be sharing the same household. |
Yeah, we are. We've been living together for 5 months. 
It was adverb posting that, not me. But he posted it with my permission, because it was bothering him and bothers me a little.
_________________
God protects fools. Be a fool.
Proud member of the Auschwitz Girls Club, which now has 5 members! |
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Aaron_Mason
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 04, 2005
Age: 23
Posts: 615
Location: Bathurst, Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:11 am Post subject: |
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Yay for ana54 and adverb
Back on topic, emancipation may be your only hope - i don't speak to my folks any more because of misunderstandings that led me to choose between them and my girlfriend, and while i chose my gf over my own family, I've been much better for it. However this should only be a last resort. Try to sort it out first, and if it doesn't work, up and go.
_________________
We are one, we are strong... the more you hold us down, the more we press on - Creed, "What If"
AS is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.
I'm the same as I was when I was six years old - Modest Mouse |
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demeus
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Posts: 67
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:32 am Post subject: |
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I think what your parents do not realize is that you are 18. Unless state law is 21 (and some states such as New York have the law set where you are a child until 21), you are an adult. You do need to set boundaries, even if it means moving out.
There is a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud which explains what happens when boundaries are and are not set and how to set boundaries in your personal life.
Another thing you can do is change yours and your girls login names so that your families do not know who you are in WP anymore. |
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just-me
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 408
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| Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject: |
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Yes change your user name and tell your family its none of there buissness what you do here.
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I have a boy friend so don't ask me .....
I encourage all of you to be your selves when and were you can. Because true joy is in showing your true nature.
You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I'll rise |
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