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Cori
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Posts: 29
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 Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 10:45 am Post subject: anger and frustration |
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Hi everyone... my son is 12 years old getting ready to turn 13 on the 22nd...I would like to know if anyone's child has issues with anger/frustration? The other day my son was looking for some pizza in the freezer, he couldn't find it and about had a fit! Screaming, yelling... I tell him to calm down, but that sets him off even more. Finally after a while he's rational and apologizes...but I can't take this. Is there anything I can do to teach him to self-calm or to not get so angry/frustrated for something so silly?
Thanks! |
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Roseduelist
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 153
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:54 am Post subject: |
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Do you think that there is a chance your son is being bullied at school? When I was that age I was easily set off,because I was in a bad emotional state from school. I took it out on my mom alot,so much so to the point where she would cry and say she was a bad mother. 
Going through those teenage years as an Aspie is really hard on both parent and child, but if the both of you are willing to be patient with each other, it will blow over soon.
As for a calming technique what I did (stimming) was touch my thumb to my first finger,then next one,then next one ,then the end finger. I keep doing it over and over again until I can concentrate in a rythmn. |
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jat
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 135
Location: Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| You're not only dealing with the Asperger's, you're dealing with adolescence! There are few people, let alone kids, who respond well to being told to calm down. If you can respond to his frustration with "Is there something I can help you with?" (I know it's hard, but it really is more likely to be effective), he might see you as more of any ally than another of many problems. With all my kids, NT and ASD, I have found that ignoring the outbursts, dealing with what is upsetting them, and then, afterwards talking about better ways of dealing with the frustration, works better than confronting the angry behavior as it happens. If I confront the inappropriate behavior when it happens, the negative behavior just spirals out of control. Discussing it when everyone feels calm is generally more productive. |
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 3089
Location: left coast
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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sigh.
Hormones are not his friend, right now. Good luck.
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Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery: When comes the revolution, things will be different - not better, just different. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2309
Location: new england
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 5:41 pm Post subject: |
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| 13 was a difficult age........not only hormonal, but aspie also. hang in there |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2013
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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I'll often scream, talk about how everything is against me etc when I can't find something.
i find doing so calms me down and enables me to focus more on looking rather than feeling frustrated (I realize I'm acting frustrated but I'm not feeling frustrated when i'm on the rant)
And it just makes it that much better when I do find what i'm looking for |
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flowergal
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jun 13, 2008
Age: 37
Posts: 58
Location: Peaceful Countryside, USA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 20, 2008 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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My oldest kid is 9 and she has a bad temper too. She is a possible Aspie, and I can feel for you when it comes to those fits...my son who is TS and possible HFA has them too, we are just starting this journey with AS/HFA or whatever is going on so I can't offer much advice at this point, but I will keep you and your son in my prayers...it sounds like a lot of people here are "been there" people and thank goodness for their knowledge huh? Hang in there. 
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"When life brings you to your knees, you are in a good position to pray!" |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:23 am Post subject: |
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| jat wrote: | You're not only dealing with the Asperger's, you're dealing with adolescence! There are few people, let alone kids, who respond well to being told to calm down. If you can respond to his frustration with "Is there something I can help you with?" (I know it's hard, but it really is more likely to be effective), he might see you as more of any ally than another of many problems.
With all my kids, NT and ASD, I have found that ignoring the outbursts, dealing with what is upsetting them, and then, afterwards talking about better ways of dealing with the frustration, works better than confronting the angry behavior as it happens. If I confront the inappropriate behavior when it happens, the negative behavior just spirals out of control. Discussing it when everyone feels calm is generally more productive. |
Yes, even as an older person: if I get agitated over something it really annoys me to be told to just calm down. Being asked if there is anything they can do to help is better by far.
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4623
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I mentioned in the other forum before how my sex drive got turned up several notches when I was 13. It was like it went
6 10
7 10
8 10
9 11
10 11
12 11
13 15
I considered 10 to be high enough. I ended up managing to control it. |
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Cori
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Mon Jun 23, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you all for the comments. I get frustrated at myself for not knowing how to help him when he does get angry. Today he lost a piece of paper and wham, the screaming and the "tantrum" starts. He's more emotional too. How long does this last?  |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2309
Location: new england
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: |
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| at the time it seemed endless.....................i found that son's aggression over little things increased when there was something larger bothering him ( in your case, it's probably not just about the paper he lost...)............as i've said elsewhere, meds and cognitive behavioral therapy are what helped the most |
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Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 2013
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| Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2008 10:30 am Post subject: |
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| Cori wrote: | | Thank you all for the comments. I get frustrated at myself for not knowing how to help him when he does get angry. Today he lost a piece of paper and wham, the screaming and the "tantrum" starts. He's more emotional too. How long does this last? |
I do that too, just about every time I lose something, particularly if I have just had it in my hands earlier that day. I'm 26. I find it calming and a good way to relieve stress. Now I wouldn't do it out in public, but I do it while my roommate is home. |
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