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moo_cow
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 202
Location: SA, Texas
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 Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:55 am Post subject: Difficult meeting a girlfriend |
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How do you male Aspies manage to get girlfriends? Most turned me away because of my AS symptoms. I can't help I talk in monotone voice, etc. Any words of advice? Other people said I'm a good looking guy and should have no trouble getting a decent gf, but I DO.
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sgrannel
Velociraptor
Joined: Feb 21, 2008
Posts: 444
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:25 am Post subject: |
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Girls can be picky. I don't know what to say. It seems every 10th topic asks some version of this same question. Welcome to the club. I wouldn't go looking for girls here, because they're outnumbered AND I get the impression that all I've run across so far are taken, underaged, looking elsewhere, or not looking at all for one reason or another. Don't stalk anyone, don't compromise your integrity and self respect, and try not to look desperate. There is much to be learned here.
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Rynok
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 11, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 413
Location: San Antonio, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 4:28 am Post subject: |
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Statistically, the odds are in your favor...so have faith! (and be confident)
If they don't like you for who you are, just move on.
If you get rejected, it only means your not what they want right now in a man, it doesn't mean your "not worthy".
Define a list of traits you want (both physical and personality wise) and look for women with those traits. That will help "cut to the chase" so to speak.
Relationships are about compromising...so always be prepared but don't forget you're your own individual.
Don't get desperate. The single life is frowned upon by society, because if your single there "must be something wrong with you"...but there are definite benefits, not to mention you can't always help being single. You can't force a girl to like you.
Looks aren't everything...it only attracts their attention long enough to give you the initial 10s used to determine if your a good partner or not.
Why AS makes getting girls harder:
Girls expect to be "hunted" while I haven't noticed very many AS guys taking on the "hunter" role in life.
Girls are social creatures...and we aren't.
Continual rejection -> lower confidence -> desperation -> More rejection (and the cycle continues...don't get trapped) |
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Tim_Tex
Bender in Human Form
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 18844
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 11:50 am Post subject: |
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| sgrannel wrote: | | Girls can be picky. I don't know what to say. It seems every 10th topic asks some version of this same question. Welcome to the club. I wouldn't go looking for girls here, because they're outnumbered AND I get the impression that all I've run across so far are taken, underaged, looking elsewhere, or not looking at all for one reason or another. Don't stalk anyone, don't compromise your integrity and self respect, and try not to look desperate. There is much to be learned here. |
Yeah, but there are other places besides WP to meet other female Aspies.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
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moo_cow
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 202
Location: SA, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:35 pm Post subject: |
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| sgrannel wrote: | | Girls can be picky. I don't know what to say. It seems every 10th topic asks some version of this same question. Welcome to the club. I wouldn't go looking for girls here, because they're outnumbered AND I get the impression that all I've run across so far are taken, underaged, looking elsewhere, or not looking at all for one reason or another. Don't stalk anyone, don't compromise your integrity and self respect, and try not to look desperate. There is much to be learned here. |
No, I'm not stalking or planning to do anything you said. Often when I have met random girls online, they live too far to be more than internet friends.
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moo_cow
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 202
Location: SA, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | | sgrannel wrote: | | Girls can be picky. I don't know what to say. It seems every 10th topic asks some version of this same question. Welcome to the club. I wouldn't go looking for girls here, because they're outnumbered AND I get the impression that all I've run across so far are taken, underaged, looking elsewhere, or not looking at all for one reason or another. Don't stalk anyone, don't compromise your integrity and self respect, and try not to look desperate. There is much to be learned here. |
Yeah, but there are other places besides WP to meet other female Aspies. |
Hey Tim, you ever met a female Aspie that you were compatible with?
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2716
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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Keep mooing loud
you might attract females like this  |
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moo_cow
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 202
Location: SA, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Rynok wrote: |
Girls are social creatures...and we aren't.
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I'm more social now than I was since being on medicine. However, my AS traits probably still show. I've got to learn how to do small talk I guess and talk find out what they are interested in to talk about which is some times hard because I've had girls tell me they have NO hobbies, weird.
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moo_cow
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 02, 2007
Posts: 202
Location: SA, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | Keep mooing loud
you might attract females like this |
There's not an algorithm to it like Computer Science
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Tim_Tex
Bender in Human Form
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 18844
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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| moo_cow wrote: | | Tim_Tex wrote: | | sgrannel wrote: | | Girls can be picky. I don't know what to say. It seems every 10th topic asks some version of this same question. Welcome to the club. I wouldn't go looking for girls here, because they're outnumbered AND I get the impression that all I've run across so far are taken, underaged, looking elsewhere, or not looking at all for one reason or another. Don't stalk anyone, don't compromise your integrity and self respect, and try not to look desperate. There is much to be learned here. |
Yeah, but there are other places besides WP to meet other female Aspies. |
Hey Tim, you ever met a female Aspie that you were compatible with? |
Yes, once. She didn't want to be tied down to anyone for a while and just wanted to be friends.
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When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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lisa81
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 615
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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I don't understand why you guys even only search "aspie" girls.
you're limiting yourself to women out there. Doesn't matter if you're autistic or not.. I may or may not be and if I'm not I would date an aspie guy I felt I have a connection and it's got nothing to do with my son having autism or what not. It's not about your condition... it's what you bring to the table and if these girls don't want ya... it's their loss and you don't need someone whose going to judge your autism...
everyone wants acceptance... fat people have a hard time.. non attractive people have a hard time... it goes both ways. NT's don't got it better |
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n4mwd
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 08, 2008
Posts: 590
Location: Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 5:51 pm Post subject: Re: Difficult meeting a girlfriend |
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| moo_cow wrote: | | How do you male Aspies manage to get girlfriends? Most turned me away because of my AS symptoms. I can't help I talk in monotone voice, etc. Any words of advice? Other people said I'm a good looking guy and should have no trouble getting a decent gf, but I DO. |
Have you tried an audio recorder to listen to yourself speak. Try reading from a novel out loud and then playing it back. Maybe you can use the feedback to correct your monotone voice into something more acceptable. Its hard to tell what you sound like without a recorder.
As far as meeting girls in person, please try my eyeball technique.
When one approaches, look at her eyes and if she looks at you stay looking at her and smile. If she smiles back, then introduce yourself, because she is open to meeting with you. If you just run up and ask some girl out, you are taking a big chance of getting rejected. |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2037
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 7:17 pm Post subject: |
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| lisa81 wrote: | I don't understand why you guys even only search "aspie" girls.
you're limiting yourself to women out there. Doesn't matter if you're autistic or not.. I may or may not be and if I'm not I would date an aspie guy I felt I have a connection and it's got nothing to do with my son having autism or what not. It's not about your condition... it's what you bring to the table and if these girls don't want ya... it's their loss and you don't need someone whose going to judge your autism...
everyone wants acceptance... fat people have a hard time.. non attractive people have a hard time... it goes both ways. NT's don't got it better |
Put me into cryogenic stasis and wake me up when nerdy genius is back in style... Then maybe I stand a chance... |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2475
Location: United States
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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Moo_cow, I'm not going to offer the same cliche advice you may have heard before. You know, things like "just be patient, and you'll find someone"; "the right girl is out there for yoo"; "have more confidence"; "be yourself", "ask out many girls, and one of them will say yes"; etc etc etc, ad nauseam.
Instead, I'll point out a possible cause of your problem: sexual or romantic frustration. You said that girls are always rejecting you. As a result, you can't get any experience in dealing with a girl, which clouds the entire female gender in an aura of inaccessible mystery. Most importantly, you can't get romantic experience without meeting a girl, and you can't find a girl without romantic experience. It's a catch-22 at its worst.
So how do you break the vicious cycle? Lower your standards. That's how I found my first relationship. "But she's _____" (fill in the blank with a reason why she doesn't appeal to you). No matter what the excuse is, it shouldn't matter. You should be focused on her liking you; the reverse is just a pleasant bonus. Don't worry about what your friends will think, and if you told them what you told us, I'm sure they'll understand. (Mine did, although a few showed mild disapproval.) Once you two start dating, you'll be able to accomplish your goals: going out with a girl, doing romantic things, hugging, kissing, and more.
With that said, treat her with full respect, and be honest about your intentions. In other words, be a gentleman and don't say you're looking for a long-term relationship with her when you aren't. Even if you two end up going separate ways (either on your or her initiative), she'll still appreciate having met a nice person like you. And in the end, you'll have more experience and less frustration. Good luck. |
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lisa81
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 07, 2008
Posts: 615
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| Posted: Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | | lisa81 wrote: | I don't understand why you guys even only search "aspie" girls.
you're limiting yourself to women out there. Doesn't matter if you're autistic or not.. I may or may not be and if I'm not I would date an aspie guy I felt I have a connection and it's got nothing to do with my son having autism or what not. It's not about your condition... it's what you bring to the table and if these girls don't want ya... it's their loss and you don't need someone whose going to judge your autism...
everyone wants acceptance... fat people have a hard time.. non attractive people have a hard time... it goes both ways. NT's don't got it better |
Put me into cryogenic stasis and wake me up when nerdy genius is back in style... Then maybe I stand a chance... |
uh well I dunno I was never into the bad boy cool dudes... I've always found nerdy men sexy.. not the whole pencils in pocket with thick glasses kind... but men who can speak about anything other than sports, cars and partying or sex all the time is great. I love learning new things if my man can show me new things great. smart men are way more attractive and I doubt i'm the only chick on this planet who also thinks like this |
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