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MrEckshun
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 31
Location: Northern Colorado
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 Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject: I've recently become a complete failure. |
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Well, it's official. I just lost my only friend today. Seven years we'd been friends and he got mad at me last week because I didn't want to talk to him about what was bothering me. There's no real point in setting the scene because I'd more than likely alter events in an attempt to make myself feel better, and I don't have the energy besides. What it comes down to is a now-complete lack of reason for my being alive and I can't quite decide if that's funny or not.
Anyway, since there's nothing you can do about that - and since an anonymous shoulder to talk to doesn't quite cut it - there's probably no real reason to respond. But maybe this'll help if someone out there is doing some statistical analysis. Cheers and mixed metaphors for everyone. |
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pakled
"Bless his Heart"
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 2547
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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if you don't want to talk about things with your friend, you came here...why?...
don't be so quick to cast a good friend aside. Wait until the time is right, and then talk about it. |
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MrEckshun
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 31
Location: Northern Colorado
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| pakled wrote: | if you don't want to talk about things with your friend, you came here...why?...
don't be so quick to cast a good friend aside. Wait until the time is right, and then talk about it. |
Like I said: statistics  .
Ordinarily that last part would be the way I'd go, but this wasn't my decision. He's made it fairly clear that I'm out by way of dropping off all the things he'd borrowed from me over the years. On the plus side, it's nice to have my copy of The Choirboys back.
Last edited by MrEckshun on Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:26 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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CanyonWind
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 12, 2006
Posts: 1233
Location: West of the Great Divide
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:06 pm Post subject: Re: I've recently become a complete failure. |
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| MrEckshun wrote: | | There's no real point in setting the scene because I'd more than likely alter events in an attempt to make myself feel better |
In all my life, I haven't run into too many people willing to be that honest with themselves and with others.
Anything you can find a way to laugh about ain't beat you yet.
_________________
I have met them at the close of day.
- Yeats
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mouapp
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 21, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 674
Location: probably not WP
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:29 am Post subject: |
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i haven't had a reason to live in over 4 months when my girlfriend droped all the things i had loaned her, there are still little things that make me happy though
obviously im no good at advice but i thought id post, you'll get through it if you set your mind to it
_________________
http://www.last.fm/user/mouapp/
Maybe I don't know either. |
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flailure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 13, 2007
Posts: 599
Location: my office
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:46 am Post subject: |
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There is no reason, only cause and effect. We're alive because we were conceived and carried to term. Beyond that we persist of our own free will finding pseudo-purpose solely in the self-imposed burden of responsibility toward others. The removal of the burden or its object does not relieve us of purpose because there is no such thing.
When I sought a reason for my own existence I had to also inquire if there were a reason for me to cease to exist. My apparent incompatibility with the world around me does not seem to justify any action on my part that would lead to my demise. I've witnessed countless seemingly useless things not only tolerated by society, but sometimes welcomed with open arms even if only to provide a break in the monotony of life. I also found that while I do not have a defined purpose, I may still have a function, if I so choose, upon which I can construct an identity, the social equivalent of a voltage converter, for interfacing with the world around me.
Sometimes, most of the time, my interface seems as if it is missing a vital service pack, and I just can't connect with anyone any deeper than my career requires. Other times it seems that I attempt to pass too many packets of information to the receptor client before the initial handshake is complete and I find myself automatically blocked by their firewall. It may be a native flaw, but some systems are just not compatible not matter how hard we try to make or maintain a connection.
_________________
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
- George Carlin |
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MrEckshun
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 31
Location: Northern Colorado
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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flailure -
Hooray, philosophy! The only thing that still lets me feel like I'm contributing something to humanity. Kinda. And in case there's any confusion, I'm not mocking you... I'm mocking ME.
Ain't it grand, the human penchant to do absolutely nothing no matter what? Doing nothing is always easier than doing something and no matter how I try to fool myself that's probably the main reason I'm still alive. Example: "Yeah, I feel really bad today, but if nothing gets better I can always strap a JATO rocket to my car TOMORROW." And so it continues but, as you (sort of) alluded to, that line of reasoning doesn't much help.
All my life I've wanted to have purpose. I'd skip the fame and take the fortune, but I've wanted to do something worthwhile to help fix the crap of life. My sights and my standards kept dropping by orders of magnitude until I strove only to get ONE SINGLE PERSON to be kind and nonjudgmental and considerate and intellectually curious. And honest. Such low aim and I can't even get that to happen, which means either a failing in humanity, a failing in myself, or a failing in my chosen purpose. Don't know which yet.
And function - I've never really had it. I've tried to find a function which would allow me the social equivalent of eating my own brain but as yet I've come up dry. That's never particularly bothered me because I don't want to simply live and I don't care what I do for money. I wanted to get married and have kids and enjoy myself and just maybe leave something good behind amidst the chaos and stupidity of life. Yep, silly romanticism, but all goals are in some way romantic and silly. But I'm starting to think that I've given all that up; you can only fail so many times before you wise-up and quit trying. Maybe I'm missing that same software patch which prevents you from forming a connection (so many networking jokes to be made...), but whatever the case I'm finally sick of people. Function, here I come... stocking shelves at Walmart. At night.
So... what? Applied philosophy? I used to have some of that. I still have some of the pure kind. But sadly, knowledge of the world hasn't helped me change even the smallest part of it. Perhaps function will be more fulfilling; it couldn't possibly be worse than purpose. And perhaps I should give mindless materialistic hedonism a shot like everyone else.
tl;dr: You may just have something there. "flailure" is a great username, by the way.
mouapp - Sorry to hear that and I wish you the best of luck. They say (and I'd tend to agree) that it's the little things which matter. My last girlfriend has been gone for two years and it does get easier. You might try what I did and start posting ridiculous personal ads on craigslist - I once wrote one about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Well, I guess I'm no good at advice either, but right back at ya.
CanyonWind - That's probably the best implied compliment anyone's ever paid me. Thank you. |
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AspE
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 01, 2008
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| You don't need friends, and you don't need a reason to be alive. |
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mouapp
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 21, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 674
Location: probably not WP
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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| MrEckshun wrote: | | Maybe I'm missing that same software patch which prevents you from forming a connection (so many networking jokes to be made...) |
im holding back a few myself
sorry to mislead you, im reasonably happy at the moment i just dont have a why and thats what i meant you can get used to, but thanks for the effort, sorry i never know what to make of people trying to help me
but seriously looking into different carers is probably your best option, if you wanna make a change, i donno become a teacher, a cop or with the networking joke maby you might like working in IT
you know the old saying, 'if you love what you do you'll never work a day in your life', hell i work at a supermarket (during the day) but i like knowing ive done all i can to help people, that gives me a why for the day
the hardest bit is probably deciding what "change you want to see in the world", not becoming it
_________________
http://www.last.fm/user/mouapp/
Maybe I don't know either. |
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traveller011212
Deinonychus
Joined: May 27, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 361
Location: Right here!!
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:31 pm Post subject: |
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| MrEckshun wrote: | My sights and my standards kept dropping by orders of magnitude until I strove only to get ONE SINGLE PERSON to be kind and nonjudgmental and considerate and intellectually curious. And honest. Such low aim and I can't even get that to happen, which means either a failing in humanity, a failing in myself, or a failing in my chosen purpose. Don't know which yet.
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Those are still some pretty lofty standards. Most people tend to have one or two of those traits while very few have all five. People spend their whole lives looking for someone just like you described and come up short. However, if you open your heart to people you can find new traits that each individual has. |
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MrEckshun
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 31
Location: Northern Colorado
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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mouapp - Ehh, no worries. Misunderstandings are what the internet is all about  . I just hope you didn't do what I did and go to bars every night for a month to hit on women who looked like Keith Richards.
And no way are you going to suck me back into being a computer geek . I did that for several years and it made me want to collect antiques. |
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MrEckshun
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 31
Location: Northern Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:13 am Post subject: |
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| traveller011212 wrote: | | Those are still some pretty lofty standards. Most people tend to have one or two of those traits while very few have all five. People spend their whole lives looking for someone just like you described and come up short. However, if you open your heart to people you can find new traits that each individual has. |
Hey, are you hitting on me?
Seriously, I've always tried (and usually succeeded) to find the good points in people I meet and to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don't imagine I'd be alone on this forum in saying that it seems like every time I open up I get bitten one way or another. Maybe I'm too sensitive, maybe my value-jugment system is out of whack, maybe it's simple misinterpretation by either party, or maybe I'm just plain nuts. The really goofy thing is that after something goes wrong nobody will tell me WHAT went wrong. I feel like I'm doomed to make the same (suspected) mistakes again and again and, silly as it sounds, being alone seems like a more pleasant alternative. I really do hope that I'll get over that - and the sooner the better since I don't really like the way it makes me feel about myself - but at the moment I'm just plain exhausted. I've even been making up excuses to avoid sitting at Starbucks with a book lately. I'd have to talk to someone or they wouldn't give me coffee and I don't even want to face that. If I thought about my current situation I'd probably start wondering when I was going to take the last step by growing a beard, looking up prices for one-room-cabins in Montana, and plotting my diabolical-yet-curiously-low-tech revenge on society... by recording parodies of Weird Al songs? No, don't want to think about that.
I greatly appreciate what you wrote and yes, I'd rather hang on to the hope that someday I won't feel like anything I say will be used against me in some random and unexpected way. But I just don't feel it now. For now I'll keep my head down and hope that someday the flowers grow up around it. |
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Postperson
The Daughter of Indifference
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Age: 51
Posts: 2572
Location: Uz
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 3:24 am Post subject: |
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| flailure wrote: |
Sometimes, most of the time, my interface seems as if it is missing a vital service pack, and I just can't connect with anyone any deeper than my career requires. Other times it seems that I attempt to pass too many packets of information to the receptor client before the initial handshake is complete and I find myself automatically blocked by their firewall. It may be a native flaw, but some systems are just not compatible not matter how hard we try to make or maintain a connection. |
This is great.
Re: losing friends. It's a natural progression. I had a best friend in my late teens to mid twenties, then we hated each other. A new best friend came along for my thirties. Was pretty alone in my forties (except that's when jesus/god became my best friend). I'm in the process of forming a new bestfriendship for my fifties.
People change, things change, you drift apart. |
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JerryHatake
Kumdo Practitioner
Joined: Jul 02, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 8712
Location: Woodbridge, VA
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 7:11 am Post subject: |
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Well actually no one is a failure in life because we all stride ourselves to our full potential all the time spite the ups and downs in our lives. Never look at the negative aspects of life instead look at the positive aspects because it will keep your spirit high and strong.
_________________
Jerry
"No one is the same you can't compare yourself to other people because everyone is different" - Michelle
"Everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard that is to believe sometimes, it is so true!" - Michelle
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flailure
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 13, 2007
Posts: 599
Location: my office
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| Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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| MrEckshun wrote: | | "flailure" is a great username, by the way. |
Thanks. I guess I see myself as a flailing failure in progress. Funny though, I never seem to fully succeed at failing. I guess I fail at that too. Jerry is right; I'd add that we really only fail when we judge ourselves on the standards of others.
Many thanks as well for the 'philosophy' comment. Usually people say stuff like, "Yeah, Deepak Chopra said that..." Someone actually said that to me when I was trying to post something constructive to someone on another forum. Why bother trying to explain that I hardly ever read and that the only school I've ever really excelled in was the school of hard knocks? People are convinced that if you're not published and famous you can't have an original or insightful thought. If it makes you feel any better, and I sincerely hope it does, that really made my day.
_________________
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"
- George Carlin |
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