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BazzaMcKenzie
Wild colonial man
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Age: 48
Posts: 3695
Location: the Antipodes
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 Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 10:57 pm Post subject: self harm - cutting - why? |
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when I was about 18 - 19-ish, (now 40-ish) I burnt myself with lit cigarette (have minor scars). At the time I liked knowing that I have will power strong enough to not be bothered by the pain (actually there was not a lot of pain, I think the nerve endings died and after a short while there was no pain). I didn't do it for very long - a couple of weeks? It was enough for me to know I could do it and I stopped (have since stopped smoking too).
My son has a friend (girl) he chats with on MSN who cuts herself and is about 16 y.o. It upsets him.
He asked me why people do it and how you can get them to stop.
Any insights?
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I self harm (though not cutting...can't draw blood. Scratching is a more appropiate term) and it's hard to help somebody unless they want help. If this is a friend that your son knows not just from the internet, I would say call a help line or something.
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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MR
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 25, 2008
Age: 39
Posts: 303
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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| I get the impression that there are various reasons. I know one reason is to escape from emotions one doesn't know how to deal with. An emotional release. I can relate to this reason because I had (sometimes still have) my own strategy for that, though in my case, something not harmful. |
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Bluesummers
Benevolent Dreamer
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1178
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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Because physical pain is comforting compared to some emotional pain some people feel.
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BazzaMcKenzie
Wild colonial man
Joined: Aug 22, 2006
Age: 48
Posts: 3695
Location: the Antipodes
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:27 pm Post subject: |
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| ebec11 wrote: | | Well, I self harm (though not cutting...can't draw blood. Scratching is a more appropiate term) and it's hard to help somebody unless they want help. If this is a friend that your son knows not just from the internet, I would say call a help line or something. |
Its a someone he knows IRL.
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Bluesummers
Benevolent Dreamer
Joined: Feb 13, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1178
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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| ebec11 wrote: | | I would say call a help line or something. |
Talk about the worst thing you can do. The "crazies" go into a bin, they don't get help. And the help they get...well, they're better off cutting themselves.
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LTP
Raven
Joined: Jun 14, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 122
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:44 am Post subject: |
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| There is a biological basis behind cutting. Pain and pleasure are closely related and some activities like cutting can cause a cascade of endorphins and other stress relieving chemicals. The state of mind that leads to self-mutilation generally makes you susceptible to addictions as well so it is very possible to get addicted to the rush you get from cutting. Of course I have to add a general don't cut yourself to get high disclaimer: It is a dangerous activity that can cause long term complications(scarring) and possibly death if you get a bad infection from the open cut or a dirty knife. There are much better ways to deal with your problems. |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 2:26 am Post subject: |
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| Bluesummers wrote: | | ebec11 wrote: | | I would say call a help line or something. |
Talk about the worst thing you can do. The "crazies" go into a bin, they don't get help. And the help they get...well, they're better off cutting themselves. |
I don't think it's THAT bad
At least it's better then nothing getting done 
Maybe tell guidence or a teacher, or SOMEBODY else, so your son doesn't feel responsible about his friend's well being.
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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jat
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 30, 2008
Posts: 135
Location: Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:48 am Post subject: |
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It can be tough with friends of your kids - you want your kids to be empathetic and caring friends, but you don't want them dragged into their friends' issues. It's a tough line. Do you know whether the girl's parents are aware of the situation? Is she a cutter who wears long sleeves in the summer, and her parents think she "just likes" long sleeves?
What your son does depends a lot on what is going on with the girl and whether she's getting any help already. As others have said, different people cut for different reasons - some to express emotional pain, some because it's a release of stress, some because it's the only way they can "feel;" there are probably almost as many reasons as there are cutters.
If the parents know, and/or the girl has a therapist who knows, there really isn't anything for your son to do. It's probably best for your son not to engage around the issue, either - if it becomes too much of a topic of conversation, the conversations could be reinforcing the cutting.
If the parents don't know, do you know why? Does your son? Is there another adult in the girl's life (a trusted family member, a teacher, the school nurse, guidance counselor) who does know? Someone needs to know, and it's best if she tells them. Since your son knows her in real life, does he know her well enough to support her in telling one of these adults? If he's not the right support person (if she needs one), can he help her identify one?
If the parents know and aren't getting her the help she needs, she needs to approach someone like the school nurse or a trusted teacher, or even a family member who might have some influence with her parents. The girl should be the person to share the information, if at all possible. Only if she absolutely refuses, should another person be told by someone else. If your son and she are in the same school, he could speak to the guidance counselor, school nurse or a trusted teacher they have in common.
Whatever path is chosen, it should be done soon - not just for the girl's sake, but also for your son's! |
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DejaQ
Drill fork! It can drill and fork! ...Mostly fork.
Joined: Feb 18, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 1978
Location: The Silver Devastation
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 9:58 am Post subject: |
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| One reason people do it is because of accumulated emotional stress. Self-harm can distract from the stress and some people find the release of endorphins calming. Another reason could be to externalize what they're feeling - they could be trying to convey something that they don't feel comfortable stating in words. They might want to get the attention of someone they think can help to relieve their stress. That's as much as I know. |
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LiendaBalla
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 30
Posts: 691
Location: Houston Texas United States
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:38 am Post subject: |
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let him know not to tell her that her self harm makes him feel bad in anyway.
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Sublyme
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 191
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 11:29 am Post subject: |
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| LTP wrote: | | There is a biological basis behind cutting. Pain and pleasure are closely related and some activities like cutting can cause a cascade of endorphins and other stress relieving chemicals. The state of mind that leads to self-mutilation generally makes you susceptible to addictions as well so it is very possible to get addicted to the rush you get from cutting. Of course I have to add a general don't cut yourself to get high disclaimer: It is a dangerous activity that can cause long term complications(scarring) and possibly death if you get a bad infection from the open cut or a dirty knife. There are much better ways to deal with your problems. |
This is exactly why I self-harm. It has nothing to do with the physical pain being compared to emotional pain, I don't even feel emotional pain. I don't sit in my bedroom and take out a box of razors and knives and cut my arms up over and over, and cry....heck I don't even cry...ever.
When I self harm it's usually part of a melt-down. It's not always cutting....sometimes it's banging my head on my desk or lab bench, sometimes it's hitting my forearm with a the metal edge on a ruler until I have a huge bruise that lasts almost a month. Other times I have submerged my hand in boiling water or pulled out huge clumps of hair. Then there is always my box cutter to slice my hand or arm open when I feel the need to.
Here's why I self-harm. I am prone to wild tantrums....just this blind rage that comes out of nowhere. I have been known to be violent and destructive. I scream, I yell and I break things. This behavior I know is not appropriate at work. I have been warned before that it is "not professional" (a bit of an understatement). I'm lucky I can even hold a job. One thing I can do to stop a tantrum in it's tracks is to induce physical pain, to start the cascade of endorphins that instantly calms me down and stops the tantrum in it's tracks. I can focus and go back to whatever I was doing before the tantrum started, like it never happened.
Anything can trigger these tantrums from hearing a fire alarm, to my concentration being broken by an annoying co-worker, to being frustrated when I can't understand my bosses verbal instructions......to being criticized by my boss because I did something wrong or misunderstood her. They also happen at home, if I'm trying to concentrate and the phone rings, or if I'm cooking and someone distracts me. Usually when I'm at home I just let the tantrum come, repair any holes in the walls, clean up the broken glass, and replace my cell phone if I happened to break it yet again.
I don't like that I have these, and I don't know how to stop them, except I know that inflicting pain will stop one in it's tracks. I haven't found any medication that works as quickly, and I haven't found any medication that can really prevent them.
I know it's something that isn't healthy, but it works. I haven't found another way to deal with them that's as effective. |
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veruniel
Velociraptor
Joined: May 20, 2008
Posts: 432
Location: England
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| Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 1:40 pm Post subject: |
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I self-harm. I scratch until I bleed, though I only do it when my medications aren't working (fortunately they seem to be keeping it under control at the moment, so perhaps my days of self-harm are over). I've talked to other people who do it also, and in every case there seems to be an element of wanting control over a situation that seems out of control. I can't always control my feelings of depression or my reactions to them, which is frightening. But I can control my reaction to physical pain... or rather my lack of reaction, because it's within my power to ignore it.
There's also an element of wanting a release or a distraction. The physical pain gives my mind something to fixate on, helping to drive out thoughts of doing worse things or just general, undirected depression. It's a coping mechanism that has probably prevented me from doing even sillier things to myself, though of course I'd never say it was healthy!
As for getting someone to stop, it can be very, very difficult. This behavior can become very deeply ingrained and it's hard to abandon unless there's some other coping mechanism that can replace it or unless there's some way to blot out the feelings that cause it in the first place. In my opinion, in this era of SSRIs, the easiest cure is to cure the depression. As I said, I don't do this when I'm on a medication that works for me. Once meds have taken care of the underlying condition, therapy can be applied to change all the behaviors that were learned while the depression was untreated (things like low self-worth, which can inspire mutilation). Of course, it can be hard to get someone to submit to treatment, but I do think a combination of meds and therapy is the best answer. |
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