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ma_137
Toucan
Joined: May 31, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 289
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 Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 10:27 am Post subject: She's perfect. So why am I still having some trepidation? |
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So I think I found her, yet I'm still somehow having some second thoughts. She's funny, has a good personality, is understanding, supportive, smart, and beautiful. Only chick I know who has two modeling contracts, yet reads manga and cooks in her spare time. She prefers eclectic music over the trash they play over the radio, and even likes my dirty jokes! And she's strongly attracted to me, yet I'm still having some trepidation.
For one thing, she almost seems too good to be true. I recall praying for a tall, beautiful woman who likes to watch anime and cook....And somehow she fits all of these criteria perfectly. She also was attracted to me so strongly, that she pushed me back to kiss me on the first date. She calls me every day, and just says she wants to spend time with me whenever its possible. All of this, I really like. But I'm still not sure. She's also fairly young (19) to my 23 years of age, which is the second obstacle, but maybe I"m thinking too much? She said she's never met a guy like me, or even felt attracted to one. I'm the first boyfriend she was actually attracted to. I dunno. She's really nice, and I like her too, but I'm just trying to slow myself so that I do not get hurt again. Just going into a situation that seems too good to be true, usually is. Anyone else have anything to chime in on this? AM i thinking too much? |
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Serissa
Ex-Moderator
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Joined: Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 4570
Location: A DEN OF INIQUITY!!!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 11:18 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, you're thinking a little too much, but that's OK- you just need to RELAX a little bit, thinking too much is not an irreperable problem. I went through (go through) something similar; if there is no conflict I wonder how the hell that could be possible.
And I'm 19 and dating a 23-year-old. It's not THAT big a difference. I think it kind of depends on mental age a bit too once you're over the age of consent wit a difference of four years and you're both under 30 (after that it matters less). I've been living on my own since I was 16; with that and other factors, I'm kind of mentally old for nineteen. |
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spacemonkey
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 29, 2004
Posts: 639
Location: Atlanta, Ga
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 11:51 am Post subject: |
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Yes I think you should relax and enjoy.
If you are worried that it's too good to be true, think how bad you will feel wondering what could have been.
_________________
"I was made to love magic, all its wonder to know, but you all lost that magic many many years ago."
N Drake |
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sandra3
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 351
Location: california
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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| it sounds like something out of the twilight zone where the guys prays for the dream girl he always wanted but then things start getting weird, and then the dream girl starts liking somebody else, turns out he was just dreaming the whole time, and nothing is what is seems. |
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Relyt
Sea Gull
Joined: Nov 05, 2005
Posts: 234
Location: Bellflower, CA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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i suppose its just human nature to never feel satisfied. just try to fight that human nature is all i can say  |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:01 pm Post subject: Re: She's perfect. So why am I still having some trepidatio |
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| ma_137 wrote: | | She's also fairly young (19) to my 23 years of age, which is the second obstacle, but maybe I"m thinking too much? She said she's never met a guy like me, or even felt attracted to one. I'm the first boyfriend she was actually attracted to. I dunno. She's really nice, and I like her too, but I'm just trying to slow myself so that I do not get hurt again. Just going into a situation that seems too good to be true, usually is. Anyone else have anything to chime in on this? AM i thinking too much? |
On the age issue I'd look at it from this end - most people pretty much are what they are; I've known some timelessly mature 17 and 18 year olds and more than enough 40+ who'll never get it right. If she's that on-point and if she's that specifically directed in your direction then I'd say no worries. The only thing I'd be worried about with a really good-looking girl is could she do better, would she find other guys more entertaining than me, and in general just how much opportunism-tempation is there for her. In your case, if she's really only been connected to you and is that much into you (especially if she's into you for the aspie qualities) then I think you can heave a *major* sigh of relief on that end. The only other thing you might be concerned with is neediness or clinginess (something we aspies are usually too independent or obtuse to satisfy) - another thing that I can't imagine a model who reads manga and keeps it that real would have because IMO the clingy/needies tend to be your uber-conformists who are locked in the box out of fear of rejection.
Lol, your probably hearing now from one of the biggest skeptics/cynics on the dating scene as well - go for it! 
_________________
Keep your feet on the ground, your heart in the stars, and clarity in your mind. |
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Serissa
Ex-Moderator
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Joined: Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 4570
Location: A DEN OF INIQUITY!!!
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:14 pm Post subject: Re: She's perfect. So why am I still having some trepidatio |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: |
Lol, your probably hearing now from one of the biggest skeptics/cynics on the dating scene as well - go for it! |
Actually, two of them, counting my post as well. |
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TheBladeRoden
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 11, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 1273
Location: Wisconsin
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| Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:38 pm Post subject: |
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I can take her off your hands for ya  |
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AbominableSnoCone
Cybernetic Vampiric Werewolf Ninja
Joined: Jun 16, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 1680
Location: Jersey
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irishmic
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 09, 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:09 am Post subject: |
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I'm a recovered addict and an aspie.
If something isn't broken I go look for something to break.
Often it seems that the feeling that I have the most trouble with is that feeling that everything is going good. I know how to do problems, it's success that I have trouble with.
A little advice "Self knowledge avails us nothing."
So, stop thinking about it and learn to be calm even when your brain is spinning out of control.
If you actually succeed for longer then a day, then would you kindly let me know how you did it. |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Age: 30
Posts: 7838
Location: The fine world of insomnia and coffee
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:38 am Post subject: |
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| irishmic wrote: |
A little advice "Self knowledge avails us nothing."
So, stop thinking about it and learn to be calm even when your brain is spinning out of control.
If you actually succeed for longer then a day, then would you kindly let me know how you did it. |
I agree with the learning to be calm but completely disagree on the self-knowledge; self-knowledge is freedom and I couldn't imagine living without it - I'd be someone else's puppet all the way, be emotionally tossed arround like a ragdoll by the outside world, and the instability caused by that would be hell (I can say that because as a kid and up through highschool I was like that, self-knowledge and determination liberated me).
Another thing about self-knowledge is it's about knowing your own wants, needs, knowing your weakpoints and things you need to work on (or want to work on), finding ways to better your self-assurance and confidence, and you simply can't grow throughout life nearly as much without it.
_________________
Keep your feet on the ground, your heart in the stars, and clarity in your mind. |
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irishmic
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 09, 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 3:13 pm Post subject: |
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| techstepgenr8tion wrote: | self-knowledge is freedom and I couldn't imagine living without it - I'd be someone else's puppet all the way, be emotionally tossed arround like a ragdoll by the outside world, and the instability caused by that would be hell (I can say that because as a kid and up through highschool I was like that, self-knowledge and determination liberated me).
Another thing about self-knowledge is it's about knowing your own wants, needs, knowing your weakpoints and things you need to work on (or want to work on), finding ways to better your self-assurance and confidence, and you simply can't grow throughout life nearly as much without it. |
Knowlege about ourself avails us all of that it is true, but it avails us that only through careful application coupled with trial and error in relationships with others. In a since, we grow best only when we have a mirror through which we can see our own ideas, beliefs, behaviors reflected onto us through the eyes of another individual. Hence, we grow best in relationships.
Yet, it is this growing part that is the most challanging. These challanges can provoke trepidation. Trepidation can keep us, especially us Aspies, locked into our own little corners with a felt lack of desire to reach out to others for help. Thus, we feel safe because we do not have to grow, but growing is a large part of what life is all about. If we are afraid to grow, then life loses meaning and we can sink into greater degrees of depression or worse. So, self knowlege avails us nothing if we let trepidation prevent us from fully engaging in relationships with others. It is best to just take the leap with a willingness to grow from the experience. |
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en_una_isla
Queen of the Nile
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 2862
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:12 pm Post subject: |
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Attraction is a very unpredictable thing. It could be that for all her perfect qualities you just aren't attracted to her. There is something that makes certain people "click" that can't be forced. Of course I can't say if this is the case for you, but it is a possibility.
_________________
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ma_137
Toucan
Joined: May 31, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 289
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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| en_una_isla wrote: | | Attraction is a very unpredictable thing. It could be that for all her perfect qualities you just aren't attracted to her. There is something that makes certain people "click" that can't be forced. Of course I can't say if this is the case for you, but it is a possibility. |
I wouldn't say all that. I"m incredibly attracted to her, first mentally, and then when we finally met, she just turned out the have the body of a model so physically as well. She's quite lovely and perfect in every way, which is the problem. I keep expecting this to be too good to be true. I guess I need to stop hunting for flaws. |
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alex
Developer
Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6759
Location: DC Metro Area (No. VA)
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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| ma_137 wrote: | | en_una_isla wrote: | | Attraction is a very unpredictable thing. It could be that for all her perfect qualities you just aren't attracted to her. There is something that makes certain people "click" that can't be forced. Of course I can't say if this is the case for you, but it is a possibility. |
I wouldn't say all that. I"m incredibly attracted to her, first mentally, and then when we finally met, she just turned out the have the body of a model so physically as well. She's quite lovely and perfect in every way, which is the problem. I keep expecting this to be too good to be true. I guess I need to stop hunting for flaws. |
I wish I had your problems dude........ |
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