family members and not intervening in verbal abuse etc

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My aunt and uncle have really hurt me about 3 years ago I was staying with my aunt and uncle in NSW my aunt apologised for not interveing when she had seen my mum verbally abuse me. Last year both she and my uncle now claim to have not seen verbal abuse and to have just seen "poor parenting" which they describe as correcting and trating an adult like a kid etc. To me even that is abuse all be it minor and should be intervened.

Even now with mum (I cant spend any time with her without feeling anxious, nervous and scared). She is critical, controlling and at times abusive none of which is right. Aspies are often blamed for their behaviour or the parents actions are ignored or downplayed making it all the more hurtful for the aspie. Many family members have said to me they didn't/dont want to intervene or they find mum scary themselves IMO this is no excuse you can still say something. It doesn't take much even a leave her alone as John (step-dad) and joe (step-brother) does sometimes valiadates the aspie and puts the abuser in their place. Mum wont ever get me she has her own issues.

I aM HURTby my aunt and uncle saying flat out they wont intervene aND also hurt that my aunt either denies or forgets what she said to me that at the time actually made me feel validated. Writing this i am close to tears.

I don't know why she didn't try to stop it. Maybe she thought that it would have been useless to try. She should have tried anyway, considering that having a talk with your parents would not have done any harm, at the least; but it seems like she just chickened out.

I think too often people dont intervene or make excuses sure the occasional swearing or verbal barb is nothing but more than that is wrong. Also I think people often think that aspies behaviour justifies verbal abuse it doesnt. I hate when i see kids be yelled at, bewlitted or hit by their parents. Spanking and chastising is seen as wrong here although not illegal yet.

I don't know why your aunt and uncle have decided to rescind their apology. That makes no sense, as there seems to be no repercussions to have supported you as such. It just seems mean-spirited. Sorry to hear that happened.

It's a mistake people make, that they are unwilling to stick up for children with abusive parents, and then make sad attempts at justification in order to excuse the fact that they stood by and watched the strong hurt the weak. It is true, if they had said something, they would have drawn fire upon themselves. But... so? If your step-family can muster up the guts to do it, and they (presumably) have to live with her, I don't see why your aunt and uncle are afraid to even apologize to you over their failure to protect you.

Between getting reamed by someone you know is wrong and cruel, and defending someone innocent or helpless from mistreatment and psychological trauma and lack of self esteem which can follow, I think the choice should be clear for anyone with a conscience.

My parents were and are very emotionally abusive and they threw treatment centers at me and did nothing to assist after finding out i scored high as 'very likely' aspergers.. they also refused to answer if they looked up aspergers and symptoms on the internet which was my way of telling them quit abusing me! They never have totally stopped.. WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS DISORDER THAT MAKES PEOPLE SO TICKED OFF? WHY DO OUR PARENTS FRICKIN HATE US ? Oh, my 'mother' actually said 'and that's my fault?' when i told her i scored high as 'aspie'. Well, your fault for putting your kid down and not getting them treatment all their life, yeah!

It's because we upset the delicate balance of their relationships between them by pointing out the elephant in the room.

Some thoughts:

1) in situations of correcting abuse, one of the most important things is

What can actually be done about it?

chances are, your relatives can't change the emotional dynamics of your household or offer you a better place to live. The only thing they could accomplish by speaking out would be to make you feel better for a little bit.

I'm not saying this isn't a worthy objective, but this sort of limited return may be why they aren't doing anything.


2) what actually can be done about it?

It sounds like you're a grown up. Is there anything your relatives can do about this that you can't?