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The poem that inspired my username
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sunshower
Ethereality
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 114
Posts: 4488

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:42 am    Post subject: The poem that inspired my username Reply with quote

SUNSHOWER

She killed herself that day
in her head
While talking of rosebuds
A smile never wider
And before that scrubbing the bathroom wall
listening to meaningless music
trapped inside her head.
Screams transformed to single tears lost in the cleansing spray
Obedient servant
listless, arrogance broken forgotten
Despair in the lush garden.
Planting with worn, chewed fingernails
A one way street
Dirty feet trailing to the door
Smiling, talking of rosebuds,
Dead face upturned to greet the
sunshower
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Last edited by sunshower on Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Sand
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 11852
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great poem
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sunshower
Ethereality
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 114
Posts: 4488

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

thanks Smile
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Sand
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 11852
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I do some poetry myself and resort a good deal to the mechanics of rhythm, rhyme, alliteration, repetition, etc. It helps me shape what I write, but it can be quite mechanical. I admire your poem because it seems to me to rely on pure imagery with small if any requirements for mechanical poetry and it is very successful. I found it very moving.
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sunshower
Ethereality
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 114
Posts: 4488

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks again Very Happy
Nearly all my poetry is like that. I rarely edit it, it just flows straight out of my emotions and ideas and onto the page. This is one of my best ones though, not all of them are as good. I post it up on fictionpress.com under the same username (sunshower). Can I read one of yours? Smile
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Sand
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 11852
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 5:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A friend has put a few on her site at http://www.artvilla.com/mair/sand.htm
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sunshower
Ethereality
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 114
Posts: 4488

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 8:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, your poems are amazing. I particularly loved your toenails one. Very Happy
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Sand
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 11852
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have written about 700 of them, mostly fun with rhymes and poetic tricks. I also just write them out as they come, frequently letting one line dictate the next and they take about 15-30 minutes to knock out. Once you pick up the knack it's pretty easy. I'm sure, if the poem in this thread is any indication, that you can do that too and with your interesting imagery do better than me. Another site with a few of my poems is at http://www.familyhomefront.net/JanSandOne.html
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sunshower
Ethereality
Phoenix


Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 114
Posts: 4488

PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow 700! I'm more on about 200 or so..
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Sand
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 11852
Location: Finland

PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm a lot older than you. I've had more time.
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just-me
Magic is upon us....
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Posts: 2386

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow you wrote that, that's really really good!

I thought that was out of a book or somthing.
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PhR33kY
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Age: 175
Posts: 917
Location: Philidelphia, PA, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've told you this before, but I'll say it again: you are a wonderful poet.

Reading that struck a chord. It brings to mind vivid memories of my home life from when I was younger.
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