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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2443
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 Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: The poem that inspired my username |
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SUNSHOWER
She killed herself that day
in her head
While talking of rosebuds
A smile never wider
And before that scrubbing the bathroom wall
listening to meaningless music
trapped inside her head.
Screams transformed to single tears lost in the cleansing spray
Obedient servant
listless, arrogance broken forgotten
Despair in the lush garden.
Planting with worn, chewed fingernails
A one way street
Dirty feet trailing to the door
Smiling, talking of rosebuds,
Dead face upturned to greet the
sunshower
_________________
My music: www.youtube.com/citcat299
My poetry: www.fictionpress.com/~sunshower
Last edited by sunshower on Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:01 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Sand
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 7279
Location: Finland
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:49 am Post subject: |
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| Great poem |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2443
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Sand
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 7279
Location: Finland
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:00 am Post subject: |
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| I do some poetry myself and resort a good deal to the mechanics of rhythm, rhyme, alliteration, repetition, etc. It helps me shape what I write, but it can be quite mechanical. I admire your poem because it seems to me to rely on pure imagery with small if any requirements for mechanical poetry and it is very successful. I found it very moving. |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2443
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| Posted: Fri Oct 10, 2008 11:11 am Post subject: |
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Thanks again 
Nearly all my poetry is like that. I rarely edit it, it just flows straight out of my emotions and ideas and onto the page. This is one of my best ones though, not all of them are as good. I post it up on fictionpress.com under the same username (sunshower). Can I read one of yours? 
_________________
My music: www.youtube.com/citcat299
My poetry: www.fictionpress.com/~sunshower
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Sand
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 7279
Location: Finland
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2443
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Sand
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 7279
Location: Finland
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| Posted: Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:32 am Post subject: |
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| I have written about 700 of them, mostly fun with rhymes and poetic tricks. I also just write them out as they come, frequently letting one line dictate the next and they take about 15-30 minutes to knock out. Once you pick up the knack it's pretty easy. I'm sure, if the poem in this thread is any indication, that you can do that too and with your interesting imagery do better than me. Another site with a few of my poems is at http://www.familyhomefront.net/JanSandOne.html |
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sunshower
Ethereality
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Age: 21
Posts: 2443
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Sand
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2007
Posts: 7279
Location: Finland
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| Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm a lot older than you. I've had more time. |
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just-me
Magic is upon us....
Joined: Mar 07, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1888
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:48 am Post subject: |
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wow you wrote that, that's really really good!
I thought that was out of a book or somthing.
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Just-you is my boyfriend
I'm a witch. don't worry i mean well.
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PhR33kY
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Age: 170
Posts: 917
Location: Philidelphia, PA, USA
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| Posted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:35 am Post subject: |
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I've told you this before, but I'll say it again: you are a wonderful poet.
Reading that struck a chord. It brings to mind vivid memories of my home life from when I was younger. |
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