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Another woman trying to come between me and my boyfriend. 1, 2  Next  
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autisticstar
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Jul 31, 2007
Posts: 142

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 12:58 pm    Post subject: Another woman trying to come between me and my boyfriend. Reply with quote

O.K., here's the deal. This past week I went out for a birthday dinner with my boyfriend and his sister and his sister's husband. We all had a great time. His sister asked what we were doing for thanksgiving and I said that I would be in town. So they invited us to have thanksgiving dinner with them and I accepted.

This week I got an e-vite from this woman who I have seen at a few social funtions who very obviously flirts with my boyfriend. She called my boyfriend up ostensibly to get a group of people together to celebrate his birthday. Well, so far the e-vite has been out for only a week and so far the only people going are myself, her, and him. A large number of people on the evite replied no and nobody has replied maybe. This event is only two weeks away. It's not a party or get together at somebody's house. She wanted people to meet someplace and then drive into the countryside and hang out and look at the fall foilage. Well, I find it very strange that nobody has confirmed that they are going. My boyfriend mentioned these plans to me and at first I thought it was something like some people who are already going to meet for dinner and then asking if he wanted to come along. I feel very uncomfortable around this woman. I am not some psycho jealous "#$$$%% but I feel like there needs to be some boundaries in a relationship. Recently I told my boyfriend that I'm not dating anyone else and I don't want to date anyone else. He replied that he is also not dating anyone else and does not want to date anyone else. I feel like this woman is just using a get together as an excuse to hang out with him. I have never gone out with this girl socially; I have only met her a few times and I am not friends with her. I am very upset and don't know what to do. I know this girl's phone number but I feel ridiculous calling her up. What should I do? I strongly believe that my boyfriend is an Aspie and does not pick up on the fact that this woman is hitting on him.
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let him know that you think this woman is hitting on him, and that as his girlfriend, it's making you uncomfortable. Many times women have hit on me and I wouldn't even realize it until years later.
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Mutanatia
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 02, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 603

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, since he's an Aspie, and coming from someone who IS an aspie (albeit a mild case of it), I would like to have it brought to my attention that she is hitting on me. (if "me" can be substituted for "your boyfriend")
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Miyah
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Posts: 771

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

AS,
what you need to do is tell your boyfriend that you feel that this women is trouble and she's trying to steal him away. In addition, explain the examples such as with the napkin and her evil plan. I would also advise him to go to this so-called, "get together" which is really just a way for her to act like Scarlett O'Hara. I also advise you to politely and assertively tell this women that you know that she likes him and that she's jealous, but he's already been committed to you. You may also advise her that he isn't right for her and that she shouldn't make things happen that aren't supposed too. AS, I am also dealing some other people at work who are having the same problem.

Miyah
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You have 2 options:

Do what ToadOfSteel says....



......or plan for an awesome threesome!
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Phoenix


Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LePetitPrince wrote:
Do what ToadOfSteel says....


I never thought this day would come... Razz
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AutisticMalcontent
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 30, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 517

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 3:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I must agree with ToadofSteel, and the ever so witty LePetitPrince on this one Razz Good advice warrants congratulations, and if you are wise, original poster, you will certainly give what ToadofSteel said some consideration Wink Good luck Smile
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juliekitty
Running dog
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 1759

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AS, I think your focus is misguided.

Ignore this woman. She's a cipher. She is a tool with which, if you remain silent and observe, you can learn important things about your boyfriend.

If your boyfriend responds to her, HE is the problem... not her. Dump him and find someone more loyal.

If he doesn't respond to her, then you have no problem. Right?

Miyah wrote:
AS,
what you need to do is tell your boyfriend that you feel that this women is trouble and she's trying to steal him away. In addition, explain the examples such as with the napkin and her evil plan. I would also advise him to go to this so-called, "get together" which is really just a way for her to act like Scarlett O'Hara. I also advise you to politely and assertively tell this women that you know that she likes him and that she's jealous, but he's already been committed to you. You may also advise her that he isn't right for her and that she shouldn't make things happen that aren't supposed too.


I must respectfully and entirely disagree.

If you react in this way, you will be according this woman far more importance than she deserves, as well as making yourself look needy, insecure, and grasping.

Quiet confidence is much more effective in these situations. This state of mind can be achieved by remembering that relationships are like buses: if you miss one, another will be along in fifteen minutes to half an hour.
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sufi
Phoenix
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Joined: Dec 16, 2007
Posts: 570
Location: mid-michigan

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 5:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with juliekitty.

You are dating, not married. you have not stated how long you have been together or whether there has been a problem in the past. Do not doubt him if you have no reason to. It is a good opportunity for you to find out his charater. If he is willing to dump you for this woman then he is not the guy for you and don't waste any more time on him. If he is committed to you then he will not respond to her and you will feel better about him.
_________________
If you have one option you have an obsession.
If you have two options you have a delema.
If you have three options you have a choice.
Look for three or more options.
"I'm not too crazy about reality, but it's the only place to get a decent meal.
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ToadOfSteel
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Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 26
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PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AutisticMalcontent wrote:
I must agree with ToadofSteel


Holy crap, LPP and AutisticMalcontent agreeing with me? Is the world about to end?
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alex
Developer
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Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 28
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Location: Beverly Hills, CA

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Although ToadofSteel's advice isn't too bad, I agree with juliekitty that the best thing would be to not bother about this woman. You don't even need to mention it to your bf. I'm sure he can take care of himself and you don't want him to start thinking your jealous for no reason. that would cause issues w/ trust in the relationship.
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AutisticMalcontent
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: May 30, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 517

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ToadOfSteel wrote:
AutisticMalcontent wrote:
I must agree with ToadofSteel


Holy crap, LPP and AutisticMalcontent agreeing with me? Is the world about to end?


Lol, I'm not so proud and arrogant as to compliment people when they give good advice. Although my advice is often controversial, that doesn't mean I always think I have the right answer, just my interpretation of things.
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
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Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AutisticMalcontent wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
AutisticMalcontent wrote:
I must agree with ToadofSteel


Holy crap, LPP and AutisticMalcontent agreeing with me? Is the world about to end?


Lol, I'm not so proud and arrogant as to compliment people when they give good advice. Although my advice is often controversial, that doesn't mean I always think I have the right answer, just my interpretation of things.


I wasn't really attempting to mean anything, just attempting (and failing) to be funny as usual...


Alex wrote:
Although ToadofSteel's advice isn't too bad, I agree with juliekitty that the best thing would be to not bother about this woman. You don't even need to mention it to your bf. I'm sure he can take care of himself and you don't want him to start thinking your jealous for no reason. that would cause issues w/ trust in the relationship.


Concerned and Jealous are two different things. If he truly doesn't know that this woman is hitting on him, certain subconscious effects can start coming into play... I've had women hit on me successfully (although they were trying to manipulate me into giving them answers to test questions) where I didn't even realize it until months, perhaps years, later...

I would say letting him know of your concerns once would be enough. If, after you've stated your concerns, he continues this pattern of behavior (and he doesn't make it clear in conversation that he doesn't think of her in that way), then you have a right to be jealous, and should probably start thinking about breaking off the relationship...
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Miyah
Phoenix
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Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Posts: 771

PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well,
that's the problem people. He is kind of clueless when it comes to this kind of stuff and almost to point of being passive. I have met the guy and he has a problem saying no to things sometimes. I really do think that AS needs to talk to her boyfriend and the other women about this issue. Has anyone in here ever had someone they've had a relationship with?
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autisticstar
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl


Joined: Jul 31, 2007
Posts: 142

PostPosted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 11:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have actually been dating this guy for a little over seven months. He invited me to spend Thanksgiving day with some of his family so I don't think he's going anywhere. Plus, last time we went out he mentioned Christmas and said he thinks he knows what he's going to get me for Christmas. He mentioned his nephew and myself in the same sentence. I'm not expecting a ring just yet, but things look promising. Very Happy

So I think I will see how the next two weekends play out. I will be going to a wedding with him on Saturday and this other woman will be there. I think I will just observe and see what happens. I have not mentioned this other woman since that last conversation about it and I don't plan to for a few weeks yet. This woman has a habit of continually patting him on the arm. So I will see if she pulls that stunt at the wedding this weekend. I refuse to make a scene at someone's wedding. So, juliekitty, you may well be right. I will see if he indeed does respond to her advances. I don't really think they are going out; I think this woman is just desperate. Probably the fact that someone she knows is getting married is making her feel somewhat desperate. The church group that used to meet together where he knows her from met several years ago, five or six years ago, on a regular basis for a year. We saw this woman a few months ago at a church function. So, I figure if he was really interested in this woman he would have asked her out by now and not have continued to date me for seven months.
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