NT/Aspie Girls- Does intelligence mean anything romantically

Post Reply New Topic

I ask this out of curiousity mostly, because I'm not a good judge of what women think romantically. It would stupid to make assumptions when I can merely ask you girls informally.


All my life, I've been isolated from my peers, socially and maturity wise. I have learned a lot of stuff about various subjects over the years (trivia, knowing about historical events and cultures, psychological models of behavior, how to speak decent German, reading books about dystopias and other subjects, etc.) Even today, I speak with vocabulary that leaves most people dumbfounded. I don't say it to be pompous, it's just part of my vocabulary.

I have many interests that could be percieved as intellectual in nature. However, although I have amassed all this knowledge, I question whether being intelligent has any direct correlation with being considered attractive. I have my own hypothesis about intelligence in the romantic sense, and these are just my observations.

From the futility of my efforts in dating in real life combined with the failure of my attempts through dating sites, I honestly believe being intelligent is a handicap romantically. I reason that most girls typically don't want an overly intelligent/complex guy, because a guy too intelligent might either intimidate, annoy, or confuse them to the point where the guy's attractive appeal is total demolished. I also think that almost all women view things on an emotional level, as opposed to a logical level, which is the exact opposite of viewing things rationally. I'm NOT saying that women are devoid of rationality, I'm just saying I think most women's gut instinct is to react to a stimulus emotionally before resorting to rationale.

I also reason that many people were not raised with the same understanding of certain intellectual subjects, like various occurences in history, psychology, science, etc. I think most people become so acclimated to the social norms of their culture that they forget anything else that they might deem unesscary. For instance, I could probably ask almost any girl (or a guy for that matter) if she/he knew the capital of South Korea (Seoul), or the name of the conquistador who conquered the Aztecs (Hernando Cortez), and I bet she/he wouldn't have a clue. However, if I asked something more culturally based or media driven, she/he could answer that in a heartbeat. Thus, intelligence often has an isolating condition to it socially or romantically.

These are my observations, however, I'd like to hear what you girls think. Thanks!

I agree with you.

I think you're making a few typically aspie presumptions here. First, you're conflating knowledge, or really a litany of facts, with intelligence. Second, you are mistaking mere intelligence or knowledge for something more existential. Intelligence is just the ability to adapt to one's environment. The rote memorization of esoteric facts may be interesting if you have Asperger's syndrome, but it really won't captivate a woman at all (with very rare exceptions possibly). If a woman wanted facts, she'd get an encyclopedia; if she wanted logic, she'd use a computer; if she wanted a lecture, she'd take a class. You need to use your intelligence to adapt to what women want. Make yourself more personable, spontaneous, and interesting. Instead of reading about, thinking about, and talking about concepts and the goings-on of life, maybe you should stop intellectualizing and start living. An analytical approach is appropriate in some situations, but you need to break out of the aspie fallbacks of the comforting routine and cold fact. If only for your own sake, getting some new, less bookish interests can only make you a more well-rounded, more fulfilled person; of course, it isn't stopping you from enjoying solitary, more esoteric pursuits with the rest of your time.

Of course, you were asking for women, but hey, at least as an aspie guy, I know this much about women.

Hi,

Intelligence is one of the things that's really important to me in a partner, or even in friendship. I don't expect the person I am conversing with to have the same knowledge base as me, otherwise the conversation would be boring and no new input would be generated. If I hold a conversation, I most enjoy those with people with equal or greater intelligence than myself, because I love to learn things.

Intelligence is not about what you know, but how you process things. Wisdom is different, as is sensing the flow of a conversation and when it's the right time to say certain things, which seems to be where aspies fall over socially. It's possible that what may isolate you is not that you are intelligent, but the times at which you choose to talk about the capital of South Korea (which, incidentally, I do have no idea of [is it Seoul?], but if you brought it up in conversation i would be very interested to hear about).

My beautiful man who I adore very much has the habit of talking about Transformers when I'm spilling my guts emotionally, and doesn't realise that it hurts me because it makes me feel as though he's not listening and doesn't care. Really he does care, but his Asperger's doesn't allow him to stop thinking for long enough to say "yes, baby, I understand." or something of that ilk - he just goes on to the next thing spinning around in his thoughts.

So it's timing and the art of conversation that may be the issue rather than your intelligence.

That's my opinion. Hope it helps you out.

Hello!

I am a mom of an asperger teen, and I can answer your question. Yes, men do like intelligent women, but.....they don't want them smarter than they are usually. So, the way to a man's heart and mind is to be yourself except sometimes you have to let them be right even if they are wrong or not as smart as you.

Men naturally want to take care of women, and they sometimes feel threatened if a woman is too strong minded, so women grow up and learn to "dumb down" a little and not act like smarty pants all the time. You have to be yourself, but also relax and don't argue with them about small details. I have been married 17 years, and have a very smart husband. We took and IQ test and we are equally smart. He still loves to "bet" me on silly things, like who sings a certain song or other trivia, we usually bet who has to do the dishes or clean the house, or who gets the last red vine in the pack.

So, that is a way you can have fun with a man and show them your intelligence without putting it in their face. They want to be manly and it sometime requires you to "appear the weaker sex".

I hope that helps, they also like you to do things with them that they like to do...I play golf sometimes with my husband not thrilled to go but we have fun anyway or watch football. Love is Sharing and Taking Turns in Talking and Interests!

Merry Christmas All!
Wolfs Mom

For me it does, BIG time, but I admit it counts for nothing without a good sense of humour (but sense of humour in many cases comes hand in hand with high IQ, it just gets more elaborate, which BTW I find totally sexy).

Intellectualism tops the list of desirable traits for me.

An intelligent man with conversational skills and a thrist for knowledge is very attractive. Someone who has interests beyond everyday personal experience, who can articulate insights about his everyday experiences will continue to be interesting as time goes on.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn1 ... f-sex.html

It looks like it means something but not as much as good looks. Of course girls are going to go for all they can get though .

I think that if I had to perform tasks in front of a camera I would look very stupid though, despite my intelligence scores which indicate otherwise.

You'd imagine intellectual types would be the new Alpha males in this day and age.

The average female's definition of Alpha male is not the most apt for today, but the most apt to the world a 2.5 million years ago; ie. A brute Neanderthal. Conclusion - Most women fail at good judgement.