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Danielismyname
crack boom
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 8848
Location: Hell is where I dwell
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 Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:22 am Post subject: Why do they laugh? |
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Today, I ignored someone as usual who tried to approach me with greetings; I offered a shake of my head, as that's all I could physically and mentally muster (it's a grand effort to even do that), and the lady laughed at me.
This has happened to me many times, and I don't know why.
Why do they laugh? |
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Fear
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 07, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:25 am Post subject: |
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| i think this person has picked up on some shy vibes you omit and found it amusing |
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pandd
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 16, 2006
Posts: 2357
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:35 am Post subject: |
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| One of the reasons most non-autistic people are quite comfortable with social situations, is because to them, these situations are predictable. Take away that predictability and they can become flustered, anxious, embarrassed, upset or experience other negative feelings. One common way to deal with feeling embarrassed or flustered in a social situation is through laughter, either nervous or malicious. |
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Who_Am_I
music_machine
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 5235
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:40 am Post subject: |
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| pandd wrote: | | One of the reasons most non-autistic people are quite comfortable with social situations, is because to them, these situations are predictable. Take away that predictability and they can become flustered, anxious, embarrassed, upset or experience other negative feelings. One common way to deal with feeling embarrassed or flustered in a social situation is through laughter, either nervous or malicious. |
^This.
Laughter is a common reaction from people who don't know how to react.
From WikiAnswers (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_people_laugh)
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Laughter is an emotional release similar to crying, brought upon by a mild mental stress rather than an emotional stress. It happens when the mind has some notion of a expectation and then that expectation is replaced by something unexpected.
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_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I |
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Zyborg
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 459
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:09 am Post subject: Re: Why do they laugh? |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | Today, I ignored someone as usual who tried to approach me with greetings; I offered a shake of my head, as that's all I could physically and mentally muster (it's a grand effort to even do that), and the lady laughed at me.
This has happened to me many times, and I don't know why.
Why do they laugh? |
Maybe because you look funny when you do that?
I use to scare people when I do not greet them. I am very pleased with that.
I am good at dominating others. |
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capriwim
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 03, 2008
Posts: 238
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:16 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes people laugh at someone if they are offended by them and want to get one up on them. They see offence as a competition - if they consider themselves to be put down, they must therefore put down the offending person in return in order to 'win'. Laughing at someone can be a way of undermining them and also of trying to prove that one wasn't offended (because people who are offended often like to prove that they are not, so that it doesn't look like the person who offended them has 'won'). If someone offers a greeting and is ignored, they often feel offended, because it's as if you've negated and rejected them. So they laugh as a way of putting you down in return and hiding the fact that they actually feel hurt by you.
This is different from a genuine laugh of amusement. It is possible to tell from the tone of the laugh whether it is genuine or not. If it was a genuine laugh, then the person would have simply been amused by you. But normally when people's greetings are not returned, they are not amused. |
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ruveyn
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 22, 2008
Age: 73
Posts: 5802
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:29 am Post subject: Re: Why do they laugh? |
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| Danielismyname wrote: | Today, I ignored someone as usual who tried to approach me with greetings; I offered a shake of my head, as that's all I could physically and mentally muster (it's a grand effort to even do that), and the lady laughed at me.
Why do they laugh? |
That was damned impolite. Why do they laugh? Because they have no manners.
ruveyn |
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Danielismyname
crack boom
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 8848
Location: Hell is where I dwell
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:25 am Post subject: |
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| capriwim wrote: | | So they laugh as a way of putting you down in return and hiding the fact that they actually feel hurt by you. |
You know, I don't mind if people don't respond to me (even people I'm close to); they don't owe me anything, whether social or emotional. My lack of empathy, I suppose (I expect people to see things how I do).
What you said, and pandd and Who_Am_I too, probably is the right answer; it makes sense insofar as a social hierarchy goes.
It's a good example of showing that "normal" people lack empathy for me too; since I don't look physically deformed and they can't read my body language, they have no understanding of me.
It's a strange, strange species. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 5190
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:36 am Post subject: |
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Inappropriate laughter topic
My ignorant ex-husband used to do this to. He would be amused by all sorts of things he did not understand.
Did he not think to see himself as someone else would see him? How would he like another to laugh at him? 
And from someone who does not display empathy like an NT, I can imagine myself somewhat in Daniel's place, and I would not be amused. 
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Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
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Zyborg
Velociraptor
Joined: Dec 21, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 459
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:41 am Post subject: |
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| I often intimidate people, looking them straight into the eyes. I do not blink very often either, and I express no emotions. My cousins call me kamen lice ("stone face") since I never smiled. I have learned to smile when I am about to verbally slaughter someone. When I am angry, I start to smile very much. |
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zshampo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 01, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 52
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:45 am Post subject: a |
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| pandd wrote: | | One of the reasons most non-autistic people are quite comfortable with social situations, is because to them, these situations are predictable. Take away that predictability and they can become flustered, anxious, embarrassed, upset or experience other negative feelings. One common way to deal with feeling embarrassed or flustered in a social situation is through laughter, either nervous or malicious. |
[u]
you really make an excellent point. Maybe that is why asking someone out is so hard for everyone, because people have no idea what the other person will say, and they are afraid of rejection.
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Whatsherhame
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jan 04, 2009
Posts: 197
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:51 am Post subject: |
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Maybe she thinks that was cute somehow?
She could find that quality about you endearing somehow. I don't know why...Ignoring usually isn't taken that way by typical people. Maybe she's a little off-kilter too.
Last edited by Whatsherhame on Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total |
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cosmiccat
Escapee - Fugitive - Drifter
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Posts: 2623
Location: In someone else's room with no money
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:51 am Post subject: |
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I often use the head nod as a form of greeting or recognition. It's somewhat like an oriental bow. I think it's a valid way of saying hello or greeting someone you are not familiar with, or if you walk into a roomful of people it's a way of saying hello to everyone and acknowledging or showing respect for their presence. I think it was a legitimate and acceptable gesture showing you were not entirely closed off and willing to reciprocate with your own form of greeting. The lady who laughed was being condescending, in my opinion. You responded in a quiet but polite way, that should have been enough.
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ToughDiamond
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 16, 2008
Age: 57
Posts: 1847
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:08 am Post subject: |
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People as a rule just don't understand when somebody doesn't obey the social conventions.....I guess laughing may be a sign of stress, trying to "laugh it off" - basically they don't know what to do. In a neurotypical, it would be a sign of hostility to refuse to shake hands.
I was recently talking to a guy who began to hum for a moment while I was speaking. A few years ago I'd have probably just thought "what a strange guy!" and avoided him in future. But being a little more aware of the meaning of strange behaviour, I just let it happen and figured that might be his way of burning off the stress when he's feeling overloaded. I'd just explained one idea to him and was proceeding to add a second idea - I've felt the stress of that when it's been done to me. Anyway, he passed my touchstone test - if the strange behaviour isn't materially harmful, tolerate it. I don't want to share the planet with people who don't accept that simple concept. I'd like to know how they'd defend their attitude, but I never met anybody yet who has anything to say in its defense. |
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Xanderbeanz
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 09, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 831
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| Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2009 12:02 pm Post subject: .... |
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| sartresue wrote: |
Did he not think to see himself as someone else would see him? How would he like another to laugh at him? |
no, no and no again, most human beings are nowhere near that self aware. being that self aware and self concious, whilst enlightening, is at the top of an arduous mountain of pain.x |
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