Are You Capable of Empathy / Sympathy? (please read post bef

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Before you vote, please use these definitions rather than what you think empathy and sympathy is. It's a complex and confusing subject. Also, I'm not claiming that the definitions I am putting forth here are necessarily definitive, but I would like everyone on the same page for the poll.

For purposes of this poll, empathy is defined as the ability to understand (without emotion or personal opinion) the origin of someone's opinions, feelings, or actions. Shallow sympathy is defined as the ability to relate to a particular perceived emotional state outside of an empathetic context. Deep sympathy is defined as the ability to partially share in the emotional state of the other person as a result of empathy.

Take John Wilkes Booth's assassination of Abraham Lincoln as an example situation. Things that contributed to Booth's motive may have included:
1) his childhood and upbringing
2) the post-war political climate
3) his mental state right before the assassination

If I empathize with Booth, I am expressing an understanding of how these three factors may have worked together to compel him to assassinate Lincoln. In order to have deep sympathy for Booth, I would have to feel that I would have done the same or similar thing were I in his shoes.

Another example. If I pass a homeless person on the street who is asking for change, it may make me feel sad that they are in the position they are in. That's shallow sympathy. (This is irrespective of how you outwardly react to the situation. You may, in fact, appear very cold and distant to a casual observer.) In fact, they themselves may not be sad at all, or they may be both sad and angry, or perhaps they are feeling something else entirely. If I were to sit down to talk with this person to find out how he was feeling and the details of his situation, I would be gathering information to understand why he was feeling the way he was feeling. That's empathy. Then, if I were to see myself in that situation and be able to relate to those feelings (not necessarily physically feel them), that's deep sympathy.

Also, I'm not talking about all people and all situations, only if you believe that you are ever capable of it. If you have ever replied to a post here at WP where someone described their feelings about a particular situation, "I can understand why you would feel that way," you are capable of empathy. If you have ever replied, "I can totally relate to the situation you describe" and then go on to tell a similar story where you felt similarly as a result, you are capable of deep sympathy.

I'm look forward to the results and discussion!

i think every person is capable of sympathy and empathy somewhat but cant be able to literally show it or embrace it like others can. I know i have empathy and sympathy, do i show it? not really and not always, i dont understand it much to literally show it always or embrace that feeling either, i know mentally i feel something but it doesnt always trigger to put two and two together, so im going to mark, gee i dont know for that reason.

I'm completely unaware of any feelings i might have so i can't emotionally empathsise or sympathsise with people. I can however sympathsise with people who are in pain, but i can't recognise the fact they are in pain unless they tell me. As you said, it's a complex issue.

I can experience empathy, I can identify and acknowledge the events that lead up to a person's actions, position or state of mind. But I don't experience any emotion towards a person's situation, however if I've experienced a similar course of events then the emotions I've felt at that time emerge but are not necessarily the same emotions this person is having.

I hope that's clear enough, I can't clarify it any further at this time.

that's it, very well said. sometimes i think that maybe i am only careless. i see the people in their difficult situations and i know why they feel sad, but it's their lives.

often i know i wouldn't be sad in their situation, when there is no way to change it, and yet i understand why they are sad, although it doesn't affect me. people are sad and happy, it's natural, there is nothing wrong about it. everything has its beginning and end, as well as their sadness and happiness. why to be sad if you know that the sadness has an end anyway?

Brilliantly put Lecks. I often sit stony faced or faking empathy by tilting my head while a relative cries their eyes out. I do want them to feel better but can't understand why the situation is so upsetting for them. I am also aware that my upsets don't make sense to others and it would be very hurtful if they shrugged off my bad feelings so that's why I fake empathy.

Other times I can really empathise and waves of feeling come rushing over me as I remember a similar incident, but as age1600 pointed out, my empathy doesn't register on my face and people think I'm 'cold hearted'. I don't understand all the sentimentality on NT forums either. It's good to acknowledge someone else's pain and have my feelings validated too but why all the hearts and flowers ad nauseam?

I do think the whole empathy and TOM issues need to be researched more thoroughly without the assumption that we are all lacking empathy when some on the spectrum clearly experience overwhelming feelings of empathy.

I voted "other (please post)".
I know that I'm capable of both types of sympathy but since I don't really know what empathy is, I don't know if I have it or not. There was no option for just sympathy which is why I voted for 'other'.

It think it's important to first make perfectly clear that it is, in fact, a spectrum and that those who are diagnosed within the same sub-category do not all share the exact same symptoms nor are the symptoms equally severe with each individual.

Once people understand that we're not all carbon copies of some "proto-aspie" we can present them with more knowledge.

Sympathy is understanding why a person feels a way and feeling sorry for them/their situation. Empathy is feeling what a person feels, sharing the experienced emotions.

In my experience women ask for empathy a lot, they want you to listen to what they say and feel what they feel, they don't want you sympathizing and trying to give advice. I only empathize with others who share my situation at the same time I do, it seems pointless to me to dwell on the past and to continually empathize over a past event, asking others to do so seems selfish to me.

I am capable of all three types, although I have a tendency to try and keep them internalised as much as possible. For me, all types of emotions feel uncomfortable to express. Not sure why, it's like I'm embarassed to show other people my inner feelings. Hmm.....

I haven't voted yet, because I'm still not sure about shallow sympathy. Let's say I see someone on a TV show (Not fiction, but like a documentary or reality show or something) wipe out on skis or have to eat a spider or even get mauled by a bear or something, and I wince and go "holy crap!", but I don't actually feel sad or worried or anything for them. It's kind of like I understand that the situation would suck, but I don't actually care about the person in any emotional way. Do I have shallow sympathy?

Hmm... I would more closely tie shallow sympathy to something like a distress rate. TV I think is a tough one because it's inherently removed from your immediate time and place. Perhaps a better example would be if you are in a public place (such as a park), and you see someone you don't know crying their eyes out. You have no idea why they are crying their eyes out, so you can't be empathetic. However, you can relate to what you perceive as a state of sadness and maybe feel a touch of sadness, regret, distress, etc. yourself. I would call that shallow sympathy.

Does that help?

Last edited by fiddlerpianist on 21 May 2009, 6:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Just to be clear... your definition of sympathy correlates to the poll's definition of deep sympathy (although it doesn't have to be sorrow... it could be, say, mild joy if the other person is happy). Your definition of empathy is not defined for this poll.

EDIT: A correction/clarification: your definition of empathy also falls under "deep sympathy," but it is not how empathy is defined for this poll. Empathy in this poll refers simply to the act of understanding where a person's emotions are based upon.

I have alexthemia, so I don't know. I don't feel anything when someone else is sad, but I try to speak with actions, if I hear someone broke up with someone I text them (I rarely text people), and if someone's sad I try to cheer them up. I also make sure to go to funerals. I occasionally feel empathy, a girl I really really like was sad and I was sad, weird. I used to feel a lot of emotion but *classic emo quote* now I'm dead on the inside

That helps, yes. I used TV as an example because those things are extreme enough for me to physically react to them, unlike a person crying in the park. I think I'd feel the same way about the crying person though. (Actually I know it, because I've seen someone crying in the park..) I guess I don't have shallow sympathy. But empathy and deep sympathy: yes. *votes*
This is an interesting poll!

I didn't bother reading the OP before posting.

Though after reading them I think your definitions are rather confusing, but it seems mine are as well, as by "understanding" I don't mean to have experienced or felt anything, I simply mean that you can imagine why someone would be upset that their friend was shot, even though you've never known anyone that was shot and have no idea how that feels so no emotions are involved other than your being sad or happy for them rather than with them. Anyways...

I can't change the vote, but if I could I'd change it from 'other' to the all three one.