Let my school mentor talk with my bullies or beat'em up?

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Hi,
I decided in a conversation with my mentor to talk about how I was being bullied the 6 years in school. He asked who? I told the names and he said he has quite some influence on them so said he'd talk to them if I didn't object. I said I'll think about it. I am afraid they'll talk to everyone about it and ppl will think of me as sad person who can't stand up for himself.

I also could beat em up. I know I could easily win from the one who inflicted the most mental pain to me. I just feel afraid about what other people think of me, otherwise I would have done it long ago. First I wouldn't dare to response to his f*****g responses now I'm a step up thrashtalking him.

I'm in my final year. Should I let my mentor talk down to them or should I wait till I got my paper and then beat the crap out of them so school can't do me anything? or both?

Just let him speak to them on your behalf. A moderator once did that for me here on WP, and that ultimately worked out well for everyone.

I agree. We had the same situation with my son in school, finally the vice-principal asked for names, and the bullying stopped the NEXT DAY. My son's "missing" lunchboxes magically reappeared. This probably won't happen in every case, but it's the best place to start (I have no idea what the vice-principal said, but knowing him, I imagine it had something to do with carefully explaining the situation and asking the kids to take responsibility, and nothing to do with threats. Whatever it was, no problems for several months.)

It is not in any way weak to ask for help when you need it. Sadly, violence often makes you MORE vulnerable to bullies, because sometimes they use it against you: bullies learn to present themselves as "victims," and YOU get punished and socially marginalized as the bully.

While in Hollywood acts of violent vengeance seem to work out well, in real life they normally do not work so well.

I would suggest that you try to avoid taking the law into your own hands. Some act of violent retribution might make you feel good for a short moment but after the school and the police see what you have done they will view you as the villain.

This did not work for me it only made the attacks worse. When I complained about this to the counsler he said it was my fault that I provoked the attacks.



If you beat them up do not walk up to them and hit them. Get them to follow you off school grounds. If they follow you, you are considered mutual combatants and both to blame with no one as the bad guy in the courts eyes. If you attack them you are considered unlawful and the bad guy. When I was in 11th grade I got into a fight after school and my bully followed me off school grounds to fight me. Long story short I kicked him in face with steel toe boots breaking his orbital socket. His parents wanted me arrested even though their little angel beat me up once a week from 7th grade to 10th grade because he was bigger than me but when I was bigger than him they did not want me to touch him. The judge told his parents their son followed me off school ground to fight making us mutual combatants so we both at fault. The judge gave me a letter to hand a judge incase the bullies parents tried to sue my parents. When they tried to sue us for medical bills my school gave us over 70 complaints I filed against him for attacks against me plus other instances where he hurt other students. I gave the judge the letter and the school complaints proving a history of attacks and harrassment. Not to mention playing up the fact I was in special education. We did not have to pay his medical bill or pain and suffering I got off lucky only because I was able to show with documentation I had been a victim of his for 4 years of constant abuse and harrassment.



If its your final year why not just hold out until the end and ignore them its not even really worth it in the long run.

Well, I have also quite a long history with bullies.
It's really awful when they are hurting you, and the general advice would be talk to someone you can trust. Though you can fight, it's not recommended.
All your anger is building up and up, and vengeance seems so sweet, but it's not worth it. They try to blame you, (the bullies) and if it happened that a guy fought someone, you can both or alone be punished. How unfair that seems, unless you have prove.

I would say, try to talk with your school mentor it can also create a moment of relief, even if you mention that he'll have to wait for the problem to be fixed unless you want it or drop it.

I consider 6 non bulling months quite value, do you?

Edit: In the Netherlands bullying is not a taboo subject and mostly taken care of. You should also look if you wish to talk to a "vertrouwenspersoon" and ask if there are other people who can talk with you. (ambulante medewerkers, etc)

Cursing helps, I find out. Just walking with a fast steady pace and say what you think.
damn I hate this.. my life would be near a 9.9 if I had some more friends and could fit in more easily and understand people better.. now it is like a 3 eventhough I have everything (except a great social life) I'd wish.. I'm happy with my looks, taste in music, clothes, my properties, my skills as DJ, and my athletic skills. apparently if the surrounding is right I have some nice leadership skills too, my new job as trainer at my atlethics club is very nice!

Dang I will dedicate my whole life fixing that last part.. my study, if I get rich later I'll put all my money which I don't need to fit my lifestyle into asperger research..

People who always had a big mouth to me don't dare say a word just because 1 remark.. shows how insecure they are
My mistake: trying to dish out smart lines which always come up to me 5 minutes after the fact.

I gave permission by the way. i don't care what they'll think.

They must be confronted. Probably they don't because jerks which glide thru the holes in social rules are socially accepted.

I hope they'll get a near fatal traffic accident so they are paralyzed from top till toe & I can laugh at their disabled puny faces for the rest of their lives

Hi,
I dont think that beating them up would be a good idea, I know you may have heard this time and time again but bullies really do want a reaction. If you beat them up then they see it as winning, some people are like that. Another reason why you shouldn't beat them up is all the serious trouble you will get in and if you've lasted so long without beating people up then you can hang on.
I've been bullied, a lot of people do get bullied and have been bullied. You've told somebody about the issue which is great and now you must hold on until your mentor takes the action needed to solve the problem. Your school, by law, should have a policy detailing the procedures of what will happen if a pupil tells a member of staff that is being bullied and those procedures should be followed.
Most schools will have a policy in place that will not only prevent the bullying, but prevent it from happening again and sort the bullies out in terms of sanctions. Most schools really will come down hard on bullies and their behaviour will result in severe sanctions and possibly records to show what they have done so that future employers know.
Hang on and dont do anything stupid, by anything stupid I mean dont beat them up even though I'm sure that you think it would be satisfied. If you were to beat them up you could end up in deep trouble and you probably wouldn't be as satisfied as you might think you'd be.
Here's hoping things get better for you,
eliotraincloud

Yeah I won't beat although it comes up in my mind sometimes. I think about intimidating them by grabbing them by the throat and threaten to do something if they continue.

Violence doesn't solve anything. Solve it the rational way and go with the first option.

I'm now profoundly sure that one of the bullies(the biggest one which made me insecure in the first place) is socially weaker than me. Of course he might be more socially handy but not social.

He was playing on his ipod while in class, the teacher asked him to stop, 5 minutes later he started again and the teacher confiscated it. I saw he was whining to the teacher at the end of the lesson to get his ipod back. the teacher refused. This happens roughly 4 times a week. While in the lesson he was looking to me, I looked him straight in the eye, then he whispered to his neighbour 'look at the face of that kid' in the next lesson I spotted him stray from his friends, I was out for a way of revenge, so I asked him whether he got his ipod back in a sneering way. He murmered no.. I grinned and he observed me grinning, he said 'that's not funny!' I said. I think it is, and continued grinning. he walked to me and stood behind my chair trying to intimidate me. He said shut up, and some random curse words I wasn't affected by. I said no.

Then he walked to his own place and a friend which happens to be nice to me as well tried to intermediate. he didn't know what it was about, and without him knowing what this was about the bully (Alexander) said 'he needs to shut the f**k up' (showing his lack of empathy, Alexander didn't answer his question and the friend still didn't know what it was about. He just went back to his own place. I spoke up out loud 'You are f*****g stupid for keeping on playing with your ipod after the teacher warns you.' I'm sure he heard it because from earlier experience he senses when I whisper about him. He didn't respond though

Felt good to confront him with his own behaviour. If it is within my capabilities I will do it as much as possible now I got enough self confidence to pay him back for 6 years of misery on a place which I spend 1/3rd of those 6 years.
Because I'm sure he won't be feeling much of his misbehaviour.

John, while I completely agree that he can't mistreat you, it sounds like this person has troubles of his own. Getting revenge isn't going to make you feel better and - especially if this is about him and not about you - it's unlikely to make him stop. I urge you to stay away from this person and to get an outside authority figure to help you.

I know from my own experience that I usually can't tell the difference between bullying and someone lashing out because they are otherwise hurt or cornered. I think this is not uncommon for Aspies - so I try to find a way to give people the benefit of the doubt without allowing them to hurt me either physically or emotionally. Usually the best way to accomplish this is to ask an impartial person to help.

John, do you have an older brother who could walk with you? My youngest son is AS but his older brother sticks up for him. My oldest son is also captain of the varsity wrestling squad. He has convinced his team mates to keep an eye out for my youngest son. Bullies will now have to answer to a bunch of fellows who like to throw people down on the ground for fun! It's a deterrent that seems to be working. There have been no acts of violence.

No, I wish I had an older brother who could tell me what subtle /advanced social skills I lack & how to improve em!

Physical bullying never took place, but I hope they would because that gives me a warrant to beat the crap out of them. I'm being ridiculed, gosipped, name called, made fun of, which are much harder things to retaliate/find proper action for

Physically I am pretty strong. Mentally I'm not really strong as I have trouble finding the right words in the right time delivering with the right amount of power. I think too much of trying to find witty answers.

This is what they are exploiting; they know you want to respond. Don't take the bait; walk away - meaning, walk somewhere where you can't see or hear them.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Thx for feeling with me. It is annoying to sense every social interaction, whether verbal or non verbal taking place precisely but not know how to act accordingly/'properly'...

Problem is most stuff is taking place in my class room, it is not in your face cursing but just being annoying and ridiculing..

For example I have a Turkish background and some annoying person doesn't directly talk to me but shouts 'Toerky Toerky' randomly to nag me. If I were allowed to he'd be faceplanted in no time.
What would be a proper response:
1. walk to him while the whole class will be watching and say I'm not amused with his racial slurs though not explicitly said implicitly obviously directed towards me and he'd better shut the f**k up!
2. something else[fill in in response]?