Yameretzu
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 248
Location: UK
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 Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:03 am Post subject: |
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I prefer to date older men because they know what they want in life (well moreso), they're generally more mature and they love you (not just say it).
My relationships:
1st: a couple of months younger
2nd: 4 years older
3rd: 2 years older
4th: 3 years older
5th: two months older
6th: 6 years older
7th: 10 years older
8th: 2 years 5 month older (the one I'm dating now) |
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Nomaken
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 10, 2005
Posts: 2059
Location: 31726 Windsor, Garden City, Michigan, 48135
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:49 am Post subject: |
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I'm attracted to anybody who is mature, and interesting, so generally i like em older.
_________________
And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
My body is a channel that translates energy from the universe into happiness.
I either express information, or consume it. I am debating which to do right now.
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Absolute_Zero
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 09, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 644
Location: New Brunswick, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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The one measely relationship I had hit the massive iceberg of absolute zero and sunk in only a week!
I had a couple flings and when I say a couple, I mean 2..my whole life plus that measely peeon of a date. The actual relation was when I was 20 and the girl was 16. The flings were like 23me to 20-21 them. Older women like 30-40 are really impressed by me for some reason it would seem. I can't stand people my own age, I think it probably has something to do with the hits I took in all my school years. Girls picked on me the worst and I watched all my childhood girl-friends turn on me. There's something subliminal going on, a fear of girls if you will...or at least a fear of one's my age. I feel whey more comfortable around anyone who is at least 2-3 years younger or older than me. |
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BrianR
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 29, 2005
Posts: 33
Location: Denver, Colorado
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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While I can get along with people of pretty much any age as casual friends, my longing for emotional intimacy definitely gravitates towards girls that are much younger than me. There seems to be some vital emotional connection that people outgrow in adulthood, but which is very important to me. There is an emotional transparency that I find in teenagers and some young adults that makes me very comfortable, but which people my age seem to have "gotten over". When kids are happy it shows on their face, in their body language, in the tone of their voice, etc. Likewise when they are sad or frustrated, or whatever. They really don't know how to hold it in and hide what they are experiencing. The only way that I can hold things in is to bury them entirely. My 19 year old daughter sings and dances in public when she feels like it, and my daughter and son, who are 14 and 12 respectively, lean on each other and give each other hugs while we're wandering the aisles of the grocery store. They openly act out their emotions.
Once people learn to hide their true feelings behind the mask of social appropriateness, they lose me and I don't feel like we are really communicating anymore. Among adults, emotions are mostly communicated through secret codes that that are either confusing and imprecise, or just downright ridiculous (IMHO). At the same time, I know that I am an expert at hiding my own feelings so that I don't intimidate people and scare them away, so what I really want in a relationship is the chance to open up and say and act out whatever I'm feeling. With my teenage daughters, I see them and their friends more or less blurting out what's on their minds, trusting their friends to act as a safety net and love them anyway. I don't see much of that kind of acceptance and patience among adults, and I don't speak the secret code well enough to ever feel understood.
At the same time, I know that I have plenty of "grown up" experience with my career and raising a family and such, and those are important parts of who I am that I want to share in an intimate relationship. So I feel trapped between two extremes that don't seem to coexist in anyone but me: the emotional openness and idealism of a teen or young adult, together with the maturity and experience of a middle-aged parent. Adults say that being "young at heart" is a good thing, but I seem to get a lot of negative feedback for trying to act that way.
Anyone else feel like this?
Brian |
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Ghosthunter
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 20, 2005
Posts: 2473
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 6:48 pm Post subject: Hmm? |
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SINsister
Childlike Empress
Joined: May 26, 2005
Age: 45
Posts: 1435
Location: Pandaria
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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I guess I'm a freakshow all around - I'm *only* interested in guys who are younger than me - in most cases, considerably younger (my ex is 9 years younger than me, and we were together for nearly 8 years). I'm no pedophile, though, so don't even go there, thanks! I have nothing in common with people my age or older, period. I'm mature in some ways, and quite immature in others - and I'm tired of having to justify my quirks to age-similar peers. I don't know what I want out of life, and I really can't relate to those who do. Ultimately, though, it simply boils down to the fact that I'm a highly visual person with specific tastes...  
_________________
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
~Steve Jobs |
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friend
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2005
Posts: 12
Location: philadelphia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:40 pm Post subject: childlike |
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Hey Brian
Your complaint about transparency and childlikeness I really can relate to, so it's not totally absent on the NT front. All my life people, even my own kids sometimes, have said I am childish or silly in my behavior or outlook. It may relate to the fact that I'm an artist, or maybe I'm an artist because of it. But I do know that all my life I've felt like people either don't take me seriously or don't respect me as they should. And I always stood out rather than fit in. That very well could be a major part of our attraction from the start. I know that when we first met he thought it was fantastic when I flashed him with a brand new purple bra in semi-public. Granted, it's not the kind of thing I do every day, but I have always been known as a quircky livewire all my life. I always pick the road least travelled. Unfotunately I didn't realize that I was on a railroad track this time until I got hit head on by the diesel. |
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BrianR
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 29, 2005
Posts: 33
Location: Denver, Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:09 pm Post subject: Re: childlike |
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| friend wrote: | Hey Brian
But I do know that all my life I've felt like people either don't take me seriously or don't respect me as they should. |
They only take you seriously if you act the way THEY think you should, which is not too big of a problem at work, but it sucks at home. I'm glad to know that somebody else knows what I'm talking about.
This whole topic can get very deep and complicated because it also gets into "gender expectations" for me. Not only am I supposed to "act my age" to be taken seriously, but I'm supposed to "act my gender" too. My wife is actully pretty supportive on this fron though. She sees the value of having a man in her life that cries at movies and likes to cook and reads French poetry. But it makes haning out with the guys at work difficult because we don't have that much in common. Which probably comes back around to the many reasons that I prefer the company of women. And I especially enjoy the company of women who are idealistic, emotionally straightforward and childlike, and generally not afraid to be silly and appreciate my stupid, silly sense of humor. I just find them to be in short supply in my age bracket. Even women (such as my wife) who used to be much more that way when they were younger tend to give in to the social pressure to outgrow those things in adulthood. |
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BrianR
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 29, 2005
Posts: 33
Location: Denver, Colorado
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| Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 3:24 pm Post subject: |
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| friend wrote: | I personally would like to know how she mentally and emotionally handles the open relationship issues. It is so adverse to the standard NT mindset.
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Actually, her intial fear was that if we "rocked the boat" everything would fall apart and that would be the end of our relationship. I believe that if you are so worried about the fragility of a relationship that your fear of it collapsing is an impediment to discussing the issues, then you are in serious trouble already. What has actually happened is that we are now able to discuss VERY deep, personal issue in an open way that we could never do before.
For example, after the therapy session I described recently where my wife was filling in the therapist on how my brain works, my wife discussed the whole experience with her boyfriend (I know this sounds weird, but you would be amazed how valuable second opinons can be in your personal life). He is very intellectual (college professor, author, lecturer) and actually specializes in the field of the subtle symbolism the underlies our use of language and how it affects human communications. He also was priviously married to a woman with a severe case of AS, so he is familiar with the issues. He jumped right in and started quibbling over the exact definitions of words, just as I had been doing with our therapist, which was his way of saying that he saw the humor in the situation and that he likes to play that game too, and that he appreciates the value of precise communication.
My wife came home with the new insight that overall she has really does value the way that I (and her boyfriend) pick apart and analyse communication, even though it sometimes annoys her. Even though this is not her personal style of expressing herself, she can see that it is something of great value that I bring to our relationship. But the real clincher is to see that another man (of her own choosing) that she is romantically drawn to and cares about very deeply does the same thing. In the past she thought she was just tolerating my weird behavior, or humoring me so she wouldn't hurt my feelings, but now she realizes that some of my quirks are things that she has actually come to cherish and seek out in other men.
The moral of the story is that opening up a relationship to comparison between your partner and other people that you shoose to get involved with can be a scary, threatning thing. But it can also be immensely rewarding and open doors to a new depth of communication that simply would not have been possible otherwise. I know that an open relationship is not for everyone, but I would definitely recommend that everyone who is in a commited relationship should think over the issues and get a clear picture in their own mind about what their expectations are concerning commitment and exclusivity, and WHY they feel that way. Even better would be to discuss these issues with your partner. If you see things the same way, then your choice of exclusivity (or not) will be reinforced. If you disagree, and it becomes a real problem to hold different view points in this area, then it is my personal opinion that your are each better off finding someone else whose views are more compatible. No one should be pressured into denying their own feelings just to hold together a relationship which is keeoing them from truly being themselves.
So my wife and I are both firm believers in the richness and joy that an open relationship has to offer for those who are comfortable with it. |
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friend
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 07, 2005
Posts: 12
Location: philadelphia
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| Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:14 am Post subject: hers |
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| I still would like to hear from her. |
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purplepants
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 20, 2005
Posts: 2
Location: schnecksville, pa
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| Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:48 pm Post subject: |
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| i feel most comfortable with teenagers, im 25 |
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Prometheus
Mindless Philosopher
Joined: May 06, 2005
Posts: 1506
Location: Through the plexiglass
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| Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 10:23 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | I always pick the road least travelled. Unfotunately I didn't realize that I was on a railroad track this time until I got hit head on by the diesel. |
I hope that was a figure of expression!
_________________
All your bass are belong to us. |
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Purplefluffychainsaw
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 28, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 361
Location: Oxford
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 6:37 pm Post subject: |
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I've never really dated before, but I've had a couple of crushes and so on and so forth (I should probably point out I'm bisexual), and I am actually in my first relationship at the moment.
Most of the people I've had crushes on are my age... one girl from my youth theater is a little older than me (oh- but both of the guys I had crushes on turned out gay, so...), but Michael, my b/friend is 8 years older than me. I didn't even realise until he pointed it out a while back. Since I've been going out with him I've been talking to another guy who has a crush on me (ye gods, what a strange feeling it is!) and he seems so immature and strange, so maybe my tastes are changing. |
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nomad32
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 13, 2005
Posts: 147
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| Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:30 pm Post subject: relationships |
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| SINsister wrote: | | I guess I'm a freakshow all around - I'm *only* interested in guys who are younger than me - in most cases, considerably younger (my ex is 9 years younger than me, and we were together for nearly 8 years). I'm no pedophile, though, so don't even go there, thanks! I have nothing in common with people my age or older, period. I'm mature in some ways, and quite immature in others - and I'm tired of having to justify my quirks to age-similar peers. I don't know what I want out of life, and I really can't relate to those who do. Ultimately, though, it simply boils down to the fact that I'm a highly visual person with specific tastes... |
What does highly visual person with specific tastes mean, if I may ask? |
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RobertN
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 31, 2005
Posts: 934
Location: Cambridge, UK
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| Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Absolute_Zero wrote: | The one measely relationship I had hit the massive iceberg of absolute zero and sunk in only a week!
I had a couple flings and when I say a couple, I mean 2..my whole life plus that measely peeon of a date. The actual relation was when I was 20 and the girl was 16. The flings were like 23me to 20-21 them. Older women like 30-40 are really impressed by me for some reason it would seem. I can't stand people my own age, I think it probably has something to do with the hits I took in all my school years. Girls picked on me the worst and I watched all my childhood girl-friends turn on me. There's something subliminal going on, a fear of girls if you will...or at least a fear of one's my age. I feel whey more comfortable around anyone who is at least 2-3 years younger or older than me. |
I kind of feel the same. I don't like people my own age either. I tend to like older women, as they are less bitchy than teenagers. |
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