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spongy
...
Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7390
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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 Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:25 pm Post subject: |
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| rabbittss wrote: |
| spongy wrote: |
Whats difficult to understand its the fact that you still hang around them.
Ive seen girls like that(and males with a similar attitude whenever they need something from you(making you think that you are the greatest buds and you need to hang out while they need your help with x, once its done they dissapear)).
Second time sh*t like that happens I make a point to avoid interacting with them(usually first time if it involves any sort of hard work from me). Its that simple |
As I said to the previous quote, I'm speaking in the past tense, but generally speaking, if I suspect a person is interested in me and she is making all the overtures, then I'm not going to tell her to go away right away. After all, maybe she's legitimately interested and just likes to take things slow. It's never been my experience though, and at this point I doubt I'll ever trust another woman enough for it to happen again.
I agree, men can do this exact same thing, they hang out with you, but when you do what they need you to do they don't want to know you anymore. The reason this problem is so pernicious via women is that they insinuate a possibility of intimacy if you just jump through the hoops. For a person who already has a shoddy/ non existent track record with women these sorts of things can be extremely hurtful and damaging. |
I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: |
I agree with you about leading him on and I encouraged him to leave them the minute he sees that they are just leading him on.
If you have a better way of acting please feel free to share it. |
Thats pretty much all you can do, move on as soon as you realize they are doing it. The trick is, it sometimes takes a long time to realize they are doing it. Self Delusion do to tricking yourself into thinking this girl is actually interested if you just stick it out has a lot to do with it. |
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Kurgan
I'm always right
Joined: Apr 07, 2012
Age: 24
Posts: 1680
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: | | Kurgan wrote: | | spongy wrote: | | DoodleDoo wrote: | Why LJBF hurts, because your being defrauded. You are being lead to believe at some point this will lead to intimacy, but she has zero intention of this. You could spend time with her, she dumps all her problems on you, talking talking because she needs to do that. You think your getting somewhere but in reality your just someone to dump on. She meets another guy and after 4 hours of time together she is intimate with him and he is her boyfriend. You get to hear about all the problems they are having and o can you take me shopping. You want a lover she really wants a girlfriend to chat with and someone go shopping with.
In the example of the rinsers, they do not care how many people they hurt. You will see extreme users like this who are strippers, basically selfishness on crack. Probably more common than aspies but in no way common. However a majority of women have these tenancies under the right conditions.
There is a simple solution to this, its called NO. When you are with someone and it is not happening after a certain period of time, then you close and move on. If you are paying for something you should get what you pay for, if not, that's it, no more. Its about spending time building the kind of relashenship you want, dont let the time wasters rob you. |
LJBF only involves one thing: a friendship.
If you feel that she doesnt actually mean it or you barely know her feel free to avoid hanging out with her at anytime.
I assume that you talk with your male friends about things as well.
Friends do that you know.
If you feel that someone is just using you try to talk with them about it or cut them out of your life regardless of their gender. One of the things that took me most time to realize and its just so simple. |
If she flirts with him, says things like "I wish more men were like yu" and sh.t like that, she's leading him on. This is one of the mind games a manipulative girl who wants an emotional tampon uses. |
I agree with you about leading him on and I encouraged him to leave them the minute he sees that they are just leading him on.
If you have a better way of acting please feel free to share it. |
Then we agree. If she rants about how he was just trying to get in her pants, let her. |
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AScomposer13413
Complacent Composer
Joined: Feb 02, 2012
Posts: 2044
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:38 pm Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
| spongy wrote: |
Whats difficult to understand its the fact that you still hang around them.
Ive seen girls like that(and males with a similar attitude whenever they need something from you(making you think that you are the greatest buds and you need to hang out while they need your help with x, once its done they dissapear)).
Second time sh*t like that happens I make a point to avoid interacting with them(usually first time if it involves any sort of hard work from me). Its that simple |
As I said to the previous quote, I'm speaking in the past tense, but generally speaking, if I suspect a person is interested in me and she is making all the overtures, then I'm not going to tell her to go away right away. After all, maybe she's legitimately interested and just likes to take things slow. It's never been my experience though, and at this point I doubt I'll ever trust another woman enough for it to happen again.
I agree, men can do this exact same thing, they hang out with you, but when you do what they need you to do they don't want to know you anymore. The reason this problem is so pernicious via women is that they insinuate a possibility of intimacy if you just jump through the hoops. For a person who already has a shoddy/ non existent track record with women these sorts of things can be extremely hurtful and damaging. |
I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
While it might be damaging in some ways, it seems the weight of the few pros outweigh the cons. For instance, you say that taking time to open up hinders you from meeting people, but at the same time, you'll know who's intentions are clear based on if they're willing to actually wait for you to open up. |
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edgewaters
hibernating
Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Age: 40
Posts: 2426
Location: Ontario
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:49 pm Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: | I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
I don't think there is anything wrong with caution - I'm a recluse, so ...
Thing is, I don't feel the need to make negative assumptions about entire classes of people or perfectly normal social phenomena, to warrant caution. People actually are friendly just for the sake of being friendly. If you pay attention you will see it happening all the time. It's just that when you make a decision (to be cautious, for example) the mind picks out details to reinforce or justify it, and skips over those that don't accord with it. |
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spongy
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Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7390
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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| Posted: Sun May 27, 2012 4:26 pm Post subject: |
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Im aware that you cant make generalizations about people that easily.
It was mostly a joke:recently re-started reading a book and thats the last part I read and I found it pretty funny.
You can find all kinds of people if you can look at the right places but most people that actually approach me end up badly so I tend to treat them with extreme caution.
Not a recluse, Im just tired of being used and whatnot |
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Roman
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 18, 2005
Posts: 2301
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:09 am Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
| spongy wrote: |
Whats difficult to understand its the fact that you still hang around them.
Ive seen girls like that(and males with a similar attitude whenever they need something from you(making you think that you are the greatest buds and you need to hang out while they need your help with x, once its done they dissapear)).
Second time sh*t like that happens I make a point to avoid interacting with them(usually first time if it involves any sort of hard work from me). Its that simple |
As I said to the previous quote, I'm speaking in the past tense, but generally speaking, if I suspect a person is interested in me and she is making all the overtures, then I'm not going to tell her to go away right away. After all, maybe she's legitimately interested and just likes to take things slow. It's never been my experience though, and at this point I doubt I'll ever trust another woman enough for it to happen again.
I agree, men can do this exact same thing, they hang out with you, but when you do what they need you to do they don't want to know you anymore. The reason this problem is so pernicious via women is that they insinuate a possibility of intimacy if you just jump through the hoops. For a person who already has a shoddy/ non existent track record with women these sorts of things can be extremely hurtful and damaging. |
I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
Can you clarify the relevence of the above quote to this thread? Are you saying that the girls who LJBF you are usually ''too friendly too quickly''? In my experienc this was, indeed, the case with Anne who LJBF-ed me. But I had no idea this is true in general. So why would the frindship with LJBF develop a lot quicker than other types of friendshp?
The other question I have is this. From sexual perspective, LJBF is ''too slow'' rather than too quick. In fact overwhelming advice is ''if its not happening right away, leave her''. Now, wouldn't that advice be in direct contradiction to the quote you posted which says ''if it is happening too fast leave her''? |
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Adam82
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 601
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 3:32 am Post subject: |
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| You guys are lucky you even get a LJBF. Most girls who reject me cut off all contact. I don't understand why they can't at least be friends. |
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spongy
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Joined: Jul 18, 2010
Age: 22
Posts: 7390
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 4:12 am Post subject: |
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| Roman wrote: | | spongy wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
| spongy wrote: |
Whats difficult to understand its the fact that you still hang around them.
Ive seen girls like that(and males with a similar attitude whenever they need something from you(making you think that you are the greatest buds and you need to hang out while they need your help with x, once its done they dissapear)).
Second time sh*t like that happens I make a point to avoid interacting with them(usually first time if it involves any sort of hard work from me). Its that simple |
As I said to the previous quote, I'm speaking in the past tense, but generally speaking, if I suspect a person is interested in me and she is making all the overtures, then I'm not going to tell her to go away right away. After all, maybe she's legitimately interested and just likes to take things slow. It's never been my experience though, and at this point I doubt I'll ever trust another woman enough for it to happen again.
I agree, men can do this exact same thing, they hang out with you, but when you do what they need you to do they don't want to know you anymore. The reason this problem is so pernicious via women is that they insinuate a possibility of intimacy if you just jump through the hoops. For a person who already has a shoddy/ non existent track record with women these sorts of things can be extremely hurtful and damaging. |
I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
Can you clarify the relevence of the above quote to this thread? Are you saying that the girls who LJBF you are usually ''too friendly too quickly''? In my experienc this was, indeed, the case with Anne who LJBF-ed me. But I had no idea this is true in general. So why would the frindship with LJBF develop a lot quicker than other types of friendshp?
The other question I have is this. From sexual perspective, LJBF is ''too slow'' rather than too quick. In fact overwhelming advice is ''if its not happening right away, leave her''. Now, wouldn't that advice be in direct contradiction to the quote you posted which says ''if it is happening too fast leave her''? |
People that try to use others usually start being overly nice and pleasant until they have you where they want you to be.
Ever heard the phrase if it looks to good to be true it probably is?.
Some PUAs encourage males to take girls out as soon as they meet them to give them a false feeling that things went better than they actually went(we all heard stories about how someone met some new people and had a crazy night out and is now overly friendly with them). Imo it follows the same principle |
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Adam82
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 601
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 5:00 am Post subject: |
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| Roman wrote: | | Joker wrote: | | Roman wrote: | | Joker wrote: | | women like me because I never say disrespecful things about them. |
Two questions:
1. The only kind of 'disrespectful things' i say about women is in the context of them not liking me. Now since cause happens before the effect, the women FIRST rejected me and only LATER i started saying negative things. This brings up a question: why did they reject me this first time if i haven't said anything disrespectful yet?
2. Even if you take the time AFTER the initial rejection, the only audience I complain to about it is online, not the real world (in fact I am quite shy in the real world). So how would women know what I say on the internet unless they somehow stumble on one of the message boards I post in? |
I mean I get rejected to me it's not a big deal becasue the worse they can say is no. |
But still, you encounter say 10 wmen a day, 5 say yes, 5 say no. In my case i encounter 1 woman in 5 months, and if she says no then i have to wait another 5 month for some other one. THAT is where resentment comes from. So once again, you can't say it is because of resentment since resentment was CAUSED BY IT. |
This. I don't socialise with women, in a non formal (work, or shop service) context nearly as much as I'd like to. I only get an opportunity every 5 or 6 months or so. I work in teaching, and none of the other teachers are my age, and all are married. I don't see many women, to be honest. That's the trouble when you haven't a big social circle at your disposal.
It sucks still noticing beautiful women, but you are too shy and Aspie to talk to them. |
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Roman
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 18, 2005
Posts: 2301
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2012 1:35 pm Post subject: |
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| spongy wrote: | | Roman wrote: | | spongy wrote: | | rabbittss wrote: |
| spongy wrote: |
Whats difficult to understand its the fact that you still hang around them.
Ive seen girls like that(and males with a similar attitude whenever they need something from you(making you think that you are the greatest buds and you need to hang out while they need your help with x, once its done they dissapear)).
Second time sh*t like that happens I make a point to avoid interacting with them(usually first time if it involves any sort of hard work from me). Its that simple |
As I said to the previous quote, I'm speaking in the past tense, but generally speaking, if I suspect a person is interested in me and she is making all the overtures, then I'm not going to tell her to go away right away. After all, maybe she's legitimately interested and just likes to take things slow. It's never been my experience though, and at this point I doubt I'll ever trust another woman enough for it to happen again.
I agree, men can do this exact same thing, they hang out with you, but when you do what they need you to do they don't want to know you anymore. The reason this problem is so pernicious via women is that they insinuate a possibility of intimacy if you just jump through the hoops. For a person who already has a shoddy/ non existent track record with women these sorts of things can be extremely hurtful and damaging. |
I just read a wonderfull quote from a book that describes my approach:
<<Listen up son, if someone is very nice with you and you dont really know them, run. Nobody is friendly just for the point of being friendly. And, if they are, well f*** them>>
Im overly cautious around new people and I take quite a lot of time to open up.
Dont meet that many people but its better this way.
Both things can be extremely damaging to those with as and its been my experience that they happen just as frequently. |
Can you clarify the relevence of the above quote to this thread? Are you saying that the girls who LJBF you are usually ''too friendly too quickly''? In my experienc this was, indeed, the case with Anne who LJBF-ed me. But I had no idea this is true in general. So why would the frindship with LJBF develop a lot quicker than other types of friendshp?
The other question I have is this. From sexual perspective, LJBF is ''too slow'' rather than too quick. In fact overwhelming advice is ''if its not happening right away, leave her''. Now, wouldn't that advice be in direct contradiction to the quote you posted which says ''if it is happening too fast leave her''? |
People that try to use others usually start being overly nice and pleasant until they have you where they want you to be.
Ever heard the phrase if it looks to good to be true it probably is?.
Some PUAs encourage males to take girls out as soon as they meet them to give them a false feeling that things went better than they actually went(we all heard stories about how someone met some new people and had a crazy night out and is now overly friendly with them). Imo it follows the same principle |
I understand about users in other context. For example a MALE who scammed me over something completely unrelated to relationships was overly friendly. But since this post is specifically about LJBF as opposed to users in general thats why I asked this question. Even though you can argue that "users are overlyl friendly and LJBF-girls are users therefore LJBF-girls are overly friendly" I haven't seen any guys complaining that hteir LJBF-s are too friendly. |
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Adam82
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 30, 2010
Age: 30
Posts: 601
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 3:19 am Post subject: |
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| LJBF really hurts. Especially when it really means ''I'm going to date a series of clods and complain about them to you, whilst treating you as a shoulder to cry on" . It really sucks seeing your crush date a bunch of dipsticks and then complain about it to you. I know, unrequited love happens to everyone. But once or twice. Not constantly, throughout your life. I'm nearly 30 now, and unrequited LJBF relationships is all I've ever experienced. No GF ever. Clearly I'm doing something wrong, and it is indeed me, not something wrong with all these women. |
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 31
Posts: 9260
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 3:29 am Post subject: |
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| The reason why LJBF hurts is because it's a rejection, any type of rejection hurts. |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2541
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 3:38 am Post subject: |
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| The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | The reason why LJBF hurts is because it's a rejection, any type of rejection hurts. |
This. Any additional reasons for it hurting are not the fault of whoever rejected you.
LJBF haters, either JBF or GTHO and move on with life. Billions of people out there, and in some of our countries hundreds of millions. There's someone out there that will be more than just friends with you.
_________________
"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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rabbittss
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 30, 2011
Posts: 1348
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2012 10:50 am Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | The_Face_of_Boo wrote: | | The reason why LJBF hurts is because it's a rejection, any type of rejection hurts. |
This. Any additional reasons for it hurting are not the fault of whoever rejected you.
LJBF haters, either JBF or GTHO and move on with life. Billions of people out there, and in some of our countries hundreds of millions. There's someone out there that will be more than just friends with you. |
We aren't in countries with hundreds of millions. We are in local communities with thousands, or if we are lucky tens or hundreds of thousands. Geography isn't insurmountable but if you have no money it might as well be.
Finding someone who wants to be my girlfriend, but who lives in Anchorage, wouldn't help me any more than finding a girl in London or Sydney who wanted to be my girlfriend. It would require one of us to uproot our entire life and take a massive chance by moving to where the other was, then if it didn't work out, the one who took that risk would be completely screwed.
Pretty much, I'm limited as to what I can find inside of 25 miles, and thats the reason for my constant failure, since what exists inside of 25 miles are overweight, bible thumpers who talk about how "Country" they are.. or trust fund baby college girls who are more interested in finding a rich husband than anything else. |
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