I made an embarrassing error.

Post Reply New Topic

I make social errors very often. I think it is part of my autism that makes what I'm saying come across as rude, inappropriate, impolite etc.

Tonight I texted a friend (as part of a series of texts we had sent to each other) saying that I thought it was cool that I qualified for the Triple Nine Society. I just felt happy about myself. He replied with "your IQ is not as high as your ego" and then said "I don't think you have a very high IQ". My IQ is tested by a qualified Educational Psychologist as being 160.

I apologised to him twice but now he won't reply to my texts.

I didn't want to come across as boastful.

What can I do??

Ceasing to care about one's IQ seems to help. I know I did before I was even in high school. I probably didn't score as high as you due to the speed at which I allow myself to responsibly complete anything. As soon as I took the test, I began realizing the divisive nature of putting numerical values on these things (I went to a hugely competitive high school, among my biggest mistakes). I can't be sure yet if knowing my AQ has even helped with anything, save for conversations with neurologists and pathologists, all of whom I only know personally since the last time I tried some kind of therapy was years ago as a kid at my parents' insistence.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Fair point.

I like my IQ though, just like some people like their bodies because they're beautiful. It's one of the very few things I feel confident about.

I'm just going to stop talking about my IQ to anyone.

Is IQ really so important? I thought it's no objective measurement of anything. I'm curious what you think.

It seems like you did make a blunder. Personally I think your friend will come round. But I don't get why people are so hung up on I.Q's I don't think I've even got one.

Your friend may have just wanted to take you down a notch with your interests in mind. I see the possibility that he thought your apology validated his views on some of his prior experiences with your ego; everyone has one after all. I have a strong aversion to discussing my smarts with anyone, my friends in particular. I'm terrified of explaining why they should see themselves as my equals, because when I can't, I have no way of seeing myself as theirs. I'm not sure I can know if I'm a particularly prideful person, but what I do know is that I'm a stark realist about what I actually have accomplished, and that it doesn't really slot into the whole of what anyone might need me to do. I always feel reflexively down when anyone asserts I'm more intelligent than they, I don't wish the sensation of a mental deficit which can't be articulated on anyone I know, save perhaps for the one coder friend of mine I see regularly; IRL he clearly has more egomania than you've worded out here.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

IQs are just a number, probably. Anyway every IQ test has a scale that doesn't correlate completely with the others. Also some people (me included) score much higher in some areas than others.

You're right, I shouldn't care about my IQ number. I should instead just know that I am intelligent, but not take notice of standardised psychometric testing.

I used to boast a bit when I was a young child. When I got to secondary school my confidence was almost totally abolished, except for my confidence in my ability / intelligence.

I feel embarrassed for this blunder but I keep making mistakes like this.

there will always be greater and lesser ones than thou, but people in general don't like being reminded of the latter part of this.

I find myself on shakier ground than that provided by my own faux-pas when my friends talk among themselves about my abilities. I just drop out of reality altogether until someone asks a difficult unrelated question I can use to take my mind off it. Mind you all this was 10x worse in every way you can extrapolate when I was in school, yet it still shoves me back into isolation irrespective of my surroundings. Last time it hit me I was having a beer with my feet in a hot tub.

edit: The only place it comes back to bite me faster is among family; mine's almost entirely college or grad school educated, and some are professors. I have but a G.E.D.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

IQ is a sensitive issue for some. Just like bodyweight can be.

You should be able to be proud of such things and be able to tell others without them thinking you are boasting. Then some people are just averse to others showing their achievements and other things they are proud of, at least where I live.

I hope it works out well with your friend.

A true friend would've been happy to celebrate your celebratory mood and would've been PROUD of your IQ. A social acquaintance, on the other hand - with those you're not supposed to share your spontaneous inner feelings, only whatever is socially appropriate.

Learn to differentiate between the two, and that will take care of a huge amount of social blunders. There are no fixed rules with humans, it's all circumstancial, it all depends on the kind of relationship you have with a certain someone. It's all about knowing WHAT to say to WHOM, WHEN and HOW.

Learn this and you need to learn very little else in life to succeed.

I did not know that, but thanks for telling me.

if one has a high IQ, the way to keep harmonious relations with one's fellows is to talk softly and help them where they are lacking when they ask.

I like to boast about my IQ almost as much as I like to boast about having Aspergers Syndrome, both of which are the result of random genetic chance, one might as well boast of having an average or below average IQ, or skin color for that matter. I suppose the real problem is that there is a perceived advantage by being endowed with extremely high IQ, a fact which I believe is highly debatable anyway, really all an IQ test does is locate your position on a bell curve relative to the most common IQ. An IQ score is completely arbitrary and has nothing to do with how successful or un-successful one might be in the real world, if anything a very high IQ might well be a disability much like autism ismay or may not be a disability depending upon the circumstances life presents to an individual.

For what its worth my IQ is in the mid to high 130s, not that it matters