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syzygyish
Dada Dodo
Joined: Feb 04, 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4021
Location: waiting for IF
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 Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:40 pm Post subject: Post your literal jokes here |
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We've all done it at some point, so 'fess up!
The other day I was asked "What are you up to?" by the old guy who runs the local video rental shop,
who I really like and we joke around a lot.
After the obligatory 3 second auditory processing delay, I put my flattened palm on the top of my head,
stepped away, looked at where my palm was and said "I'm up to about there" deadpan.
He didn't particularly find it very amusing (  to him)
So, that's one of mine, now it's your turn - share.
_________________
"Genius is the ability to recall childhood at will"
I always thought that guy that said "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" was full of it! |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 7591
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:12 am Post subject: |
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"what are you up to?"
'about 5'7''
Merle |
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kip
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 14, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 687
Location: Las Vegas NV USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:36 am Post subject: |
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Being asked, "How's everything going?" And telling the person asking how litteraly EVERYTHING is going, IE the latest DOW numbers, the news I've heard or read throughout the day, which friends are having life crises... My boss finally explained the answer is good, that the question is meant to be a 'Hello' of sorts.
Or being asked "Whats up?" Which is supposed to be another one of those hello phrases... I look at the ceiling nearly everytime. |
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Fuzzy
Ack! Thbbbt!
Joined: Mar 31, 2006
Posts: 1926
Location: Alberta Canada
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:39 am Post subject: |
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them:"you are not normal"
me:"No, normal is a vector perpendicular to a surface."
jk |
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Deus_Imperator
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 14, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 330
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:17 am Post subject: |
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Personal hate:
"What's up?"
My answer is always:
"The sky."
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Vale Omnes |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 57
Posts: 7591
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:40 am Post subject: |
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whats up?
Dow Jones |
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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 650
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:18 pm Post subject: I do stand up |
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I actually use this joke when performing stand up. the normal people love it.
"I hate when people say 'there you go' I'm always like 'I'm still here!'
Heres a video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cH7eqsNWEA |
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syzygyish
Dada Dodo
Joined: Feb 04, 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4021
Location: waiting for IF
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| Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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MartyMoose, I watched your video and thought to myself "I'm going to post that here!"
and then as soon as I did, my e-mail went 'ping'
and you beat me to it!
anyway
today I heard the lady that runs my support group say
"How do I turn on this computer?"
to which there is only one answer:
Buy it some chocolates and flowers and take it out to dinner!
_________________
"Genius is the ability to recall childhood at will"
I always thought that guy that said "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" was full of it! |
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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 650
Location: Chicago
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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 650
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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This comedian named Kile that I know said yesterday "I saw a mounted policeman and I said 'what are you' and he said 'am mounted policeman' and I said come down here and say that'"
I thought it was halerious. He didn't think it was that good of a joke. |
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nutbag
Moofy Prime
Joined: Jan 28, 2007
Posts: 3039
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 8:50 am Post subject: |
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Grocery store cashier asks if I found everything okay. I reply "Yes, I found everything and it was okay."
No laughs yet.
_________________
Who is John Galt?
Still Moofy after all these years
It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion
cynicism occurs immediately upon pressing your brain's start button |
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syzygyish
Dada Dodo
Joined: Feb 04, 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 4021
Location: waiting for IF
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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I have seen some good ones elsewhere on WP.
I keep forgetting to put them up here!
I have to do a mental task program at the moment.
One of the questions was "Name as many different types of birds as you can."
I'd rather duck that question.
still no laughs
I should have called the thread "Dad jokes"
_________________
"Genius is the ability to recall childhood at will"
I always thought that guy that said "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" was full of it! |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5251
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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It's not really a joke to me, but people seem to laugh whenever I say this
They'll ask how are you, and if I'm not having a good day, I'll say
"Absolutly horrible!"
Then they laugh 
_________________
"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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886
Honking Antelope
Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 2706
Location: valley of the damned
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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| ebec11 wrote: | It's not really a joke to me, but people seem to laugh whenever I say this
They'll ask how are you, and if I'm not having a good day, I'll say
"Absolutly horrible!"
Then they laugh |
Heh, I do the same thing.
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If Jesus died for my sins, then I should sin as much as possible, so he didn't die for nothing. |
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Smelena
Cure Neurotypicals Now!
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 2136
Location: Australia
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