Coming off Effexor

merrymadscientist · Toucan Joined: Dec 19, 2007 Posts: 299 Location: UK

I took my last pill on Monday and ever since Tuesday I have been feeling dizzy, irritable, apathetic, wanting to cry at the drop of a hat (even though Im not sad or angry), stomach problems and a desperate urge to eat everything I can especially carbohydrates. In fact this eating urge has been going on a while - perhaps since I started reducing the Effexor a few months back, but its much worse now I have gone down to zero. I am really glad to be off it after more than a year, but I am dismayed to see how dependent my body is on it and hoping that these things will go away soon. The eating really disgusts me - I dont even enjoy it and i am still doing it even though I now have stomach aches also.

I have decided that this weekend I will try and go without any food in a desperate attempt to try and shrink my capibility to eat so much in one go, then really really try and eat normally from monday (although have already been trying this for months without success). It is supposed to be nice and sunny here, but I dont feel like doing anything much, even things I usually like doing, so Im prepared to spend most of the weekend in bed sleeping or reading, or on the internet if I am feeling dizzy and sick still.

What I have realised though recently is that I dont know who I am any more. These drugs have made me a lot happier and I realise now that my depression wasnt normal or good, but they have also changed my personality - certain traits which have both good and bad sides have gone. For example, I used to have a lot of willpower and stoicism - I would decide to do things then do them, perhaps over rigidly control my life (my mother was always saying that I never allowed myself to relax) and that can have a bad side, but now I feel too relaxed. I dont push myself any more at work. I let my hobbies go too often in favour of just playing around on the internet or reading. And I miss the old will power - it was part of me even if I took it to extremes. I want it back, even if it does require a bit of self punishment to use it properly.

I hate the way that these drugs can completely change my character - ok I know that I am nothing more than a mixture of brain chemicals and electrical impulses, but to experience that is not particularly pleasant - to be able to change characteristics by simply taking a little of this or that. I am still on 5mg Abilify but I think this might be contributing to my overeating and my character change, even though it did really help me 5 months ago. The doctor says I have to take it in the long term, but I really dont want to any more. I want to be clean from all these drugs in my system, even if getting off them is going to turn me back into a barely speaking, overly rigid, socially awkward person - that is who I am and although I have quite enjoyed being able to talk to people easily without caring what they think, I almost feel as though I am opting out - having it too easy just by taking drugs instead of really dealing with my problems (but then, I have never been offered any counselling). Yes, I would take them again if I go back into the severely depressed state i was in before, but I feel that they are not doing anything now except changing me. Still, I will wait until I see the doctor before doing anything about the Abilify - and hope that I get over the side effects of coming off Effexor before I have to deal with more drug withdrawal.