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Subaru
Butterfly
Joined: Apr 05, 2008
Posts: 17
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 Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject: A Complex Eye-Opener |
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So, a co-worker of mine came in today and thought she was venting about one of our 'pint sized customers'. I work in the back office, so don't meet the actual customers but I speak with them a lot and know more than many would expect, however, this co-worker said that this little boy drives her nuts and gives her 'the creeps' cause he is always asking questions, etc.
I sat there, dumbfounded and speechless . . . not sure of how or what to say to her. For all the times that we unknowingly or ignorantly (in the truest sense of the word) said something about someone else's child (I think many are guilty of that at some point in time  ) and not knowing what was going on in the privacy of their family.
I began to wonder how she will feel, and say to others, when she meets my son (her DH already has and loves him) or how that boy's mom must feel and if she maybe experiencing what so many others are. I am assuming he is only about 7 or 8 years old.
Not saying he has Asperger's, but that boy is someone's son and my co-worker's comments made such an impact at how I too have, in the past, made such rude observations based upon how my ignorance affected my level of tolerance. I pray that people see the beauty and incredulation at the intensity of my own son's Gifts. It is an eye opener. I will not force others to like my son in spite of his Gifts but maybe give them an opportunity to see their own personal losses at not being able to see past the negative characteristics of an Aspie child.
All I have to say is that I have a much deeper appreciation for the unknown of other's parenting experiences, including their blessings AND their challenges. We should be more accepting of children as they were our own and not be so quick to pass judgment as we are just as hurt as when others do that to us.
Have I made any sense or just am over-tired and rambling? This Asperger's is a new concept in processing what we have been living through since God knows how long and maybe this insight is a part of the bigger picture and that my son's struggles do not go in vain. |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 1029
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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You've made sense.
I don't think it's appropriate for any adult to mention that a child "creeps them out." No one can be expected to get along with anyone, but to be "creeped out" implies a feeling of threat of some sort, and how can a child be a threat? She could just have said that she isn't all that tuend into that particular customer, and wonders if he might be better served with a different employee.
It does make you wonder how people judge your children. We don't want to consider that anyone WOULD judge our children. It is sad that people do.
It's strange, because I feel a bit odd about it when people are overly enthusiastic about my kids, making these broad positive judgements. It wouldn't just be negatives; I guess it's the idea that anyone could "know" anything about them from such brief encounters that bothers me. When I compliment other people's children, I tend to remark on the obvious: "I love his enthusiasm for X" "that dance move she did was so cute." Stuff like that; a compliment that doesn't imply I know the child better than I do.
I guess, ultimately, I think the exchange you described shows a lack of boundaries?
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KimJ
Legend in my own mind
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Posts: 2538
Location: Arizona
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| Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 6:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Not saying he has Asperger's, but that boy is someone's son and my co-worker's comments made such an impact at how I too have, in the past, made such rude observations based upon how my ignorance affected my level of tolerance. I pray that people see the beauty and incredulation at the intensity of my own son's Gifts. It is an eye opener. I will not force others to like my son in spite of his Gifts but maybe give them an opportunity to see their own personal losses at not being able to see past the negative characteristics of an Aspie child. |
I had this very rude awakening some years ago. It doesn't stop me from secretly hating some people's kids.  Just the other night there was this kid crawling on the floor of a restaurant for attention. He was flirting with anyone that gave him the attention and saying cutesie things. I told my husband, I'm glad I don't have NT kids, I could never put up with that.
But I know what you're saying, when kids and grown ups have genuine issues with socializing, sensory integration and others feel threatened or offended by them. Being accused of glaring, staring, being a pervert, being a jerk, moping, being clumsy on purpose-none of that helps. But it's okay to say all that because being autistic isn't normal and we should all strive to be normal, right?  |
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mollyandbobsmom
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 94
Location: upper midwest
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| Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I confess I am one of "those people" who used to judge certain children and their behavior--way before I had children of my own. I was never verbal about it but secretly had really terrible things running through my head at times. I think that having children (my NT daughter as well as my son with AS) has made me so much more tolerant of people in general. There is a young man who works in the 9th grade school on a work study program, which helps teach him certain job skills, and I have overheard adults say some really awful things about this kid and it bothers me! I hope he doesn't hear what they say and I really hope my son doesn't hear rude adults talking out of their a@@@s! |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2305
Location: new england
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| Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 6:25 am Post subject: |
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| i was one of those people way before i ever had kids- i chalk it up to having parents like that. it wasn't right, it never will be.......i am now the recipient of other's comments about my son and daughter. it's really hard to take sometimes. most of the time, i'm able to either ignore the rude comments or make some sort of comment back to the person ( ie; son has aspergers.....)..............sometimes, though, the comments can be devastating. really hit a sore spot... |
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