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Is Being Nice a Sign of Weakness? Previous  1, 2  
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marieclaire
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe being nice is a way to try and get people to treat you with respect. In a way a plea.
Some people might be able to perceive the fear and unsureness behind the niceness, and recognise there is a weakness.
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Dantac
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 2:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It happens with everyone to a degree. those you listed just go way over the top. The way I see it, 'being nice' is like giving someone a line of credit with you.

the constant small favors, the 'help' with their workload, etc.

and in the end, they do not consider you a friend or help you in return or return the help/favors. In short, you give them a line of credit and they never pay the bills. If you close the account then all the sudden you become a jerk or seem to be in a permanent bad mood in their eyes.
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 7:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

being nice is a sign of strength, what would we be without helping each other
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carturo222
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MissConstrue, don't be afraid to show your weak side. We would all get mad if we attempted to show a scary face at all times.
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Fnord
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

THE IDEAL: Kindness and niceness are signs of 'spiritual' strength of an enlightened person who is worthy of respect from everyone.

THE REALITY: Kindness and niceness are signs of weak, fawning people who can not stand up for themselves and who are not worthy of respect from stronger, more assertive people.
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greenblue
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is being nice a weakness? it depends on what you define as being nice, and also it depends on the situation and who you are dealing with, and also, it depends with you (in general terms).

Quote:
Dictionary: nice
(nīs) pronunciation
adj., nic·er, nic·est.

1. Pleasing and agreeable in nature: had a nice time.
2. Having a pleasant or attractive appearance: a nice dress; a nice face.
3. Exhibiting courtesy and politeness: a nice gesture.
4. Of good character and reputation; respectable.
5. Overdelicate or fastidious; fussy.
6. Showing or requiring great precision or sensitive discernment; subtle: a nice distinction; a nice sense of style.

According to the definition, being nice could have its advantages, especially when it comes to asking something with politeness and being subtle in some situations, I would assume that lots of women would feel more pleased with nicer men, in the aspect of treating them politely, respectful and not rude towards them, but not all I suppose? I feel more comfortable with nice people than rude ones, anyway, the weakness part of this aspect would be the lack of social skills, and not handling a situation appropriately, with desired results.

The question is, where it is appropriate to be nice and when it is not? when do you consider a behaviour to be nice and when it is 'not nice'? I believe that some people can be nice and be "rude" (strong response) in some situations, at the same time. I don't think it is something so simple to say it is a weakness or to say it is strenght.

In my opinion, the weakness would be to be naive, and not exactly niceness actually, and being nice does not neccesarily equals to be naive. That along with the problems with socializing I suppose.
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RustyShackleford
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 12:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tim_Tex wrote:
It's like people want friends so badly, yet when somebody shows an interest in being their friend, they run and hide.

It's like somebody being depressed because they won the lottery.


Sounds like the old 'Don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member' mentality. I can relate to this as people often approach me in a friendly manner which is fine until they over step my invisible line of familiarity or start to suck too much of my time by wanting to do things together.

I know this is what being friends technically is but sometimes I wish people would just notice and be content with the fact that I acknowledge them at all, which is more than most people get!

I have found that since I abandoned trying to be as nice and accommodating as possible to everyone I meet, I seem to get more attention from people. The attention is more positive now than when I was playing the 'Mr Nice Guy' role.

Some people it seems do actually prefer having to do all of the work when getting to know people and getting the occasional brush off only seems to make them more determined which gets annoying when some people just won't take the hint.

You can't please everybody so just concentrate on pleasing yourself. Every time I accidentally slip back in to the nice guy role and go out of my way for people etc I seem to get disappointed at with the results. I am getting so cynical but if I do not feel put out by the effort I have expended on someone I am more likely to want to see them a little more often.
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Brunny
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 6:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's hard to get the balance right. Me and my brother are both aspies. I err on the side of "niceness" and get taken advantage of, he errs on the side of "assertiveness" and pisses everyone off.
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NeantHumain
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Compassion is a virtue, but at least in the United States it's frowned upon. I grew up attending a Catholic grade school, where things like kindness were encouraged, and then I'm plunked into a public school system and then the wider world where such things will seriously set you back. For example, at work, kindness isn't exactly for the sake of kindness; people consider it to be inherently goal oriented (e.g., you're trying to make a good impression; you're trying to suck up to someone), so I see a fundamental skew in value systems towards the one where many of them seem to be intrinsically motivated by money or material wealth to the point where some of them like to boast about having good taste in picking out crap (e.g., a car, an electronic gadget). I think it's all intensely stupid, but of course, I'm not going to be an @$$ and tell people off for perhaps being too materialistic. Now not everyone's that way, but any job at a large corporation seems to attract that mindset or eventually create it (so if you don't think that way, you stick out like a sore thumb). The fact is you have to get by in a world where many people don't think like you and don't share your values (and may even have a worldview hostile to your own).

Oftentimes when I see people being so blithely rude and selfish, I don't even think they realize it. For example, have you ever tried pulling into traffic on a busy road at rush hour? Hardly anyone will give you even a few seconds to pull out and instead zip around you and cut you off (I've noticed that rudeness is normative on the road at least in America). (I was part of the way out of a gas station once where traffic head was stopped by a red light and just before more traffic arrived, but I couldn't pull all the way into the lane; when the light turned green, I had to manuever a tad to stay in the lane, but instead of people waiting all of 1.5 seconds, they just zipped around; this kind of inconsideration is the norm; when I see someone actually use their turn signal instead of just jamming their car in the gap I leave in front of me, I try to go out of my way to make sure they can merge because it's so rare).
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am always nice and polite to people that treat me with respect (something they have to do to get me being polite) but now my classmates see me as a looser because you don't hate gossip, bullying, lying, clothes and shopping, or else you are just a pathetic nerd. I think you are strong when you are nice, because loads of people aren't, so you stand out and behave in a better way then some of us do.
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MR_BOGAN
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It all depends on the person you are dealing with.

I've found if you be nice to some people they take advantage of it and don't respect you. If you start treating those people like crap, well don't put up with any crap from them. They instantly respect you and then they try and be nice to you. Confused(to me that is a sign of weakness) Laughing It is like some people need to be treated like crap. If you think about the social pecking order it makes sense.

Nice people are genuinely nice, if you be nice to them, they be nice to you. They don't believe in any stupid social order. I have always got heaps of time for people like that.

So I guess treat people differently is the best way to go.
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Brandon-J
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 10:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's good to be nice but not too nice.
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alba
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

RustyShackleford wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
It's like people want friends so badly, yet when somebody shows an interest in being their friend, they run and hide.

It's like somebody being depressed because they won the lottery.


Sounds like the old 'Don't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member' mentality. I can relate to this as people often approach me in a friendly manner which is fine until they over step my invisible line of familiarity or start to suck too much of my time by wanting to do things together.

I know this is what being friends technically is but sometimes I wish people would just notice and be content with the fact that I acknowledge them at all, which is more than most people get!

I have found that since I abandoned trying to be as nice and accommodating as possible to everyone I meet, I seem to get more attention from people. The attention is more positive now than when I was playing the 'Mr Nice Guy' role.

Some people it seems do actually prefer having to do all of the work when getting to know people and getting the occasional brush off only seems to make them more determined which gets annoying when some people just won't take the hint.

You can't please everybody so just concentrate on pleasing yourself. Every time I accidentally slip back in to the nice guy role and go out of my way for people etc I seem to get disappointed at with the results. I am getting so cynical but if I do not feel put out by the effort I have expended on someone I am more likely to want to see them a little more often.



Brilliant.
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Jarax
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Be careful who you're nice to. People that are insecure can be unpredictable and take advantage of this in unpredictable ways Confused leaving the innocent Aspie confused and wondering as to why that person would do something like this, what did I ever do to him/her? This is a world of exploitation, be careful.

Last edited by Jarax on Wed Nov 27, 2013 12:27 am; edited 1 time in total
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Jarax
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2013 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sometimes it is better to steer clear of those people. Even though they pretend to be 'nice' to you, they are only doing this to establish a sense of power over you by being cruel.
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