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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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 Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:22 pm Post subject: Why the Haven? |
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Why the haven?
In the past few months a lot of members have complained about having their genuine problems made fun of for being pity-mongering. "You only posted this to get attention"... "Don't whine, just go out and do it"... etc.
So this forum is a place where people can speak up about what's really going on in their lives without fear of being attacked. All we ask is that you approach anything that's said in this forum with an open mind and good intentions.
If anyone feels threatened here, please, feel free to PM me or one of the other mods. Who you are and anything you say will not leave the mods forum. If you don't want the mod you PM to share your message with the other mods, just say so (though that may limit the amount they can help). There is only one condition under which we will share your PM, and that is if you seem to be in danger of physically harming yourself or anyone else.
You have as much privacy here as we can offer. The haven is members-only, so it can't be read by unregistered visitors. Unlike the rest of the forums, it's not a free-for-all. Absolutely no trolling will be tolerated, and you may be asked to edit your comments if someone else finds them hurtful. The point is not for moderators to seem like parents or police... just to help prevent the inevitable misunderstandings that come when two different people talk about issues that are important to them. If the mods get a complaint about someone's comments, they may post in the thread in question with a request to explain or reword what was said. In some cases, they might approach the person privately - not with official warnings, just an attempt to bridge the communication gap. If the person repeatedly refuses, they will be asked not to post in the haven (though this wouldn't affect their ability to post in the other forums). In the (hopefully!) rare case that someone makes openly hostile comments, we may have to remove them without consulting the author first, but we'll try to keep that to a minimum. |
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Endersdragon
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2005
Posts: 1666
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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The moderaters taking a stricter stance on what is said in this board is okay I just think they should either have very clear rules laid out or only moderate if its apparent that someone directly involved has a problem with it.
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"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
no one gives a sh** ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| The statement above is on behalf of all the moderators. The following applies only to me: I am willing to maintain the privacy of a suicidal person if sincerely asked. The other mods will probably disapprove of me saying that, which is why I say this as a person and in no official capacity whatsoever. |
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Sean
Banned
Joined: Apr 04, 2005
Posts: 3503
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:06 am Post subject: |
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That's a good idea, Praxis. The posibility of being reported for being suicidal might prevent someone from talking here and getting at least something in the way of help even thought it will never be anything close to professional. The risk of being reported and the likelyhood of throwing my family into a panic even over unrelated things is why I don't mention when I feel suicidal during those times I'm having a serious downswing.
NOTE: I'm already getting some professional help and looking for good professional help. |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20763
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| I think The Haven is a wonderful idea. I could have used it at one point, durring the Summer. I feel that us Members need a safe place to really talk about the issues in our life, without the fear, or the pain of being personally attacked. |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:43 am Post subject: |
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| Sean wrote: | | That's a good idea, Praxis. The posibility of being reported for being suicidal might prevent someone from talking here and getting at least something in the way of help even thought it will never be anything close to professional. |
Thanks. That was part of my reasoning. I've gone the professional route, but it was really a continuation of what I'd started years earlier with a friend. I think both can be equally helpful, for all kinds of reasons... sometimes it's easier to approach someone as a friend, and you know at least they're dealing with you because they want to, not because someone is paying them to do it. And they don't have to be bound by professional guidelines.
That, and I respect a person's ability to make decisions about their own life, even if they're living in darkness. |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Denver CO
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 2:01 pm Post subject: |
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I just want to add my support to The Haven. It is necessary to allow for a place that people can be open without the fear of reprisal/critism. Thank you for taking the steps necessary to make that place a reality.
Y
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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Serissa
Ex-Moderator
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Joined: Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 4570
Location: A DEN OF INIQUITY!!!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:52 pm Post subject: |
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| pyraxis wrote: | | The statement above is on behalf of all the moderators. The following applies only to me: I am willing to maintain the privacy of a suicidal person if sincerely asked. The other mods will probably disapprove of me saying that, which is why I say this as a person and in no official capacity whatsoever. |
Your decision is your decision I guess, but if I think you're suicidal and likely to do something serious (or homicidal, etc.) and I feel I can't help, I'll try and get more help if can. Just saying this to reiterate that this is not something you can expect all mods to adhere to.
It's not that I don't respect people's privacy, by the way; if I'm in a conversation which you asked to be confidential and I agreed and you say something totally private or even totally dumb I will keep it a sercret outside of it postentially causing harm to yourself or anyone else- which is a vague thing to say, of course, and there are levels of harm (for example self-mutilation, while tragic IMO, is not a mortal/whistle-blowing danger in most cases) but I would try to do about the same thing as a therapist would do as far as judgement calls on that.
((Second paragraph to indicate what would constitute valid for me to use in my own choosing. I DO have boundaries.)) |
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Mithrandir
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 19, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 608
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
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| Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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Are we going to move some topics from Mature Content (preferably the ones on Suicide) to the Haven?
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Music is the language of the world.
Math is the language of the universe. |
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Endersdragon
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 14, 2005
Posts: 1666
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| Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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I think that would make sense as 14 year old aspies can have problems with suicide too.
_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
no one gives a sh** ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.
Vote for me in 2020 |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:06 am Post subject: |
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| Mithrandir wrote: | | Are we going to move some topics from Mature Content (preferably the ones on Suicide) to the Haven? |
We've mostly been leaving old threads where they were created, for a few reasons (like people wondering where their threads have disappeared to and thinking they're deleted). But feel free to start a new suicide thread in here... it's a good idea. |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 10:12 am Post subject: |
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| Serissa wrote: | | Your decision is your decision I guess, but if I think you're suicidal and likely to do something serious (or homicidal, etc.) and I feel I can't help, I'll try and get more help if can. |
I will try to get more help if I think it's necessary, but in a way that preserves anonymity... and I will do my best to convince a person to talk to someone else aside from me if I'm in over my head. I just don't like going behind someone's back when major emotional/trust issues are at stake. If you can't trust a person's clearly stated sworn word, what can you possibly trust about what they say? Eliminating that trust opens absolutely everything they say to manipulation and hidden agendas and I don't see how it would be possible to continue dealing with them on a deep level.
I would report homicide-related stuff though, because innocent lives are involved. |
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TheViking
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 11, 2005
Posts: 571
Location: From The Dark Past
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| Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 1:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Endersdragon wrote: | | I think that would make sense as 14 year old aspies can have problems with suicide too. |
hell i WAS gonna kill myself when i was 10
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I reject all the biblical views of the truth
Dismiss it as the folklore of the times
I won't be force fed prophecies
From a book of untruths for the weakest mind
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I have no faith distracting me
I know why your prayers will never be answered
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Soma
Velociraptor
Joined: Jun 25, 2005
Posts: 470
Location: Somewhere...
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| Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2006 6:04 am Post subject: |
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I agree, I was, and can still be, at times very suicidal, and I think this should be an area where people shouldn't be judged by what they've said in other threads, in the end, we're all human and need to be loved and cared for, without bias. But Pyraxis, as I've said in another of your posts, suicide is a very sensitive area, yet one that should certainly not be ignored, us being mostly aspie and all. We should help, with sensitivity. I'm sorta too young to help, but if I can be a hand, I'd love to help.
Soma.
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If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.
Henry David Thoureau, 1854 |
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Iammeandnooneelse
Deinonychus
Joined: May 12, 2006
Posts: 378
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| Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 3:23 pm Post subject: |
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1.What's trolling?
2.I think the haven is a very good idea.
3. Does meanness, for lack of a better word come in here, the mature forum due to the adult language or School/College life as it's meaness in schools? |
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