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PlatedDrake
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 26, 2009
Age: 29
Posts: 465
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
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 Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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To NTs:
What is the meaning to losing one's virginity by an early age, and why does not having done so earn ridicule?
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"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein |
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Radiant
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 20, 2009
Posts: 36
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| PlatedDrake wrote: | | Question for NTs: With respect to obsessions, why is it considered more appropriate to obsess about sports and cars among NTs, but when a aspie/autist is obsessed with their interest, theyre considered and oddity? |
On one hand, it depends on who you talk to.
On the other hand, you ask a deep sociological question.
There are so many ways to respond...
I'm sure you're aware of the rise of mass media in the last 60 years... I believe the answer to your question would have been different early last century? Now privileged life styles lead to endless hours of socialization, especially around "the great American past time". Part of the difference is how common is the interest? People like to have conversations. There are more humans who can fake it through an auto or sport conversation than there are people who can have an intelligent conversation about insects. I was very interested this week to learn of the rotavirus vaccine. That, however, is generally not common conversation. Of course, sports arenas are frequently filled with inebriated souls... obsessed or an excuse to drink? Or, isn't it "odd" that so many people do not care enough to raise an intelligent child and, instead, use a t.v. as a babysitter and the child ends up in speech therapy as a result? You see, sometimes it's a matter of perspective.
An unhealthy obsession (OCD) is checking 73 times to see if the stove is off; when once was sufficient.
Personally, I appreciate scientists with "obsessions" (dedication; focus) that have led to many wonderful discoveries.
Oh, and not all "NTs" obsess about sports or cars. I know many who don't have a t.v.; are not sports regulars; who choose to train or bicycle (to help the environment and get exercise); etc. |
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Only_an_egg
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 19, 2009
Posts: 28
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| PlatedDrake wrote: | To NTs:
What is the meaning to losing one's virginity by an early age, and why does not having done so earn ridicule? |
Its as if you haven't been through some rite of passage whereby you prove you're capable of "doing it."
It seems to be important enough to some people that they will even "help" their afflicted friend overcome the lack of sexual experience by taking him to a professional to make him not a virgin any more. I knew some people who thought they were being helpful but probably badly traumatized the person involved.
I believe they also got him drunk first, or at least tried to.
In fact, there is a similar feeling about drinking. People will feel it enhances their status to be able to drink a lot of alcohol, and joke about how they feel the morning after. Its like some kid of macho thing to get really drunk.
(Of course, this is all supposed to apply to males (at least that's the way I remember it).)
If people really like you, they try to find you a "nice girl" for you to date. They often find you THEIR idea of a nice girl, of course, and so nervousness and impasse result.
I don't know if there's any way to explain to people that there ways of experiencing things are not necessarily your ways.
If this just isn't something you want to have to talk about, can you make it a non-topic? |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3200
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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| PlatedDrake wrote: | To NTs:
What is the meaning to losing one's virginity by an early age, and why does not having done so earn ridicule? |
I think it should be clear that not all social groups are the same on this. Activity that wins you inclusion in one group may earn you exclusion from another. You really have to follow your own values on it.
That said, when you are a guy and reach even your early twenties without any activity, people may wonder if you have interest in it, it is that uncommon. But there are ways to explain it off, since some belief systems highly value waiting. Just make it clear that it has been so, so hard to wait 
With women the age is later, but it happens where a point comes that people wonder how the heck a person could have held out against the urge for so long, and start to assume that the person may not have much urge. Again, the best offense is letting people know how hard you've struggled to stay true to your values
While many people value a partner who has waited, most people still want a partner with a decent amount of drive.
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wigglyspider
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 24, 2009
Posts: 823
Location: USA
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:53 am Post subject: |
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to NTs:
What puts people off about people who act a little strange or awkward? I mean besides when they do something bad or annoying. When someone is pretty nice, but acts odd, why does that make people not want to be around them, or talk to them or whatever?
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"Things should be as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3200
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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| wigglyspider wrote: | to NTs:
What puts people off about people who act a little strange or awkward? I mean besides when they do something bad or annoying. When someone is pretty nice, but acts odd, why does that make people not want to be around them, or talk to them or whatever? |
People can fear what they don't understand, know, or relate to. And there is a social aspect, as well, in not wanting your social position jeopardized by association.
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Greentea
Goddess of Wisdom
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Age: 47
Posts: 5503
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:01 am Post subject: |
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I withdraw from strange people because I'm very afraid that I won't know how to relate to them well and then I'll end up being blamed for doing the wrong thing and hurting their feelings. Maybe NTs feel something similar about me?
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So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur. |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3200
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Greentea wrote: | | I withdraw from strange people because I'm very afraid that I won't know how to relate to them well and then I'll end up being blamed for doing the wrong thing and hurting their feelings. Maybe NTs feel something similar about me? |
There are, of course, different personality types among NT's, so some may feel as you describe here. But I don't think that is "the" reason in most cases. It would be nice if it was, because that is a very sensitive response, but I have a hard time seeing the same person who is capable of being a bully (a small percentage of the population) ever feeling this way; the bully's insecurity makes them want to eliminate or control all that is different. I think the real reasons for most people fall somewhere in the middle, and are a bit mixed.
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Arcadia73
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 17
Location: Buffalo, New York
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:54 pm Post subject: WigglySpider wrote |
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to NTs:
What puts people off about people who act a little strange or awkward? I mean besides when they do something bad or annoying. When someone is pretty nice, but acts odd, why does that make people not want to be around them, or talk to them or whatever?
Hmmm, that is a very good question. I am an NT female married to an Aspie male. I assume that certain people are just afraid or confused by behavior that is seen as "odd" ? They are probably unsure of how to react so they pull away so as not to embarrass themselves or the other person? I happen to not be one of those people, however. I , myself, can be a bit "odd" in the eyes of the general population, I'm sure! I am not your typical NT female in her mid thirties. I hate shopping for clothes, shoes or purses and usually dress in jeans, t-shirts & converse or combat boots! So, I get QUITE a lot of looks at times when out and about, lol. I am very non-judgemental and will befriend just about anyone that I feel is a good person regardless of their idiosyncracies.
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Cleme |
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Humphrie4
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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To NTs:
What are good lines to get a conversation going. I'm normally completely tongue-tied to come up with saying something not ridiculously stupid and actually manage to have a worthwile conversation with another person. |
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Arcadia73
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 36
Posts: 17
Location: Buffalo, New York
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| Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| Humphrie4 wrote: | To NTs:
What are good lines to get a conversation going. I'm normally completely tongue-tied to come up with saying something not ridiculously stupid and actually manage to have a worthwile conversation with another person. |
Hi, there! I guess it could depend on where you are or what sort of event is taking place but I often start off by asking people how they heard about the event or who invited them to see if maybe you have an aquaintance or resource in common. I also like to ask what kind of music or movies do they like. I am a HUGE music fan so chances are we'll have something in common. If that is not your cup of tea, then maybe you could bring up something you have done, like travelling abroad. They may have an favorite destination they'd care to discuss as well and if not perhaps they'd enjoy hearing about your trip? You can also just ask a broader question like what some of their favorite hobbies or activities are & hopefully at least 1 or 2 you may have in common and then things should start rolling along a bit easier from there. If you are in a university setting you can always go with what classes they are taking that semester or what their major is going to be.
Hope that was helpful to you!
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Mark Twain [Samuel Langhornne Cleme |
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DenvrDave
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 18, 2009
Age: 44
Posts: 225
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:29 am Post subject: |
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| Arcadia73 wrote: | | Humphrie4 wrote: | To NTs:
What are good lines to get a conversation going. I'm normally completely tongue-tied to come up with saying something not ridiculously stupid and actually manage to have a worthwile conversation with another person. |
I guess it could depend on where you are or what sort of event is taking place... |
I agree completely, it depends on the context. It would be different if you were at a music concert, in a library, in a grocery, at work, or passing in a hallway between classes. It could also depend on the time of day, weather changes, day of the week, or significant news events. I know "depends" isn't the most helpful reply, but if you gave us even a few contextual clues it would be easier to offer more concrete suggestions.
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"Humans are gits, no matter what you believe." -mgran
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3200
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| DenvrDave wrote: | | Arcadia73 wrote: | | Humphrie4 wrote: | To NTs:
What are good lines to get a conversation going. I'm normally completely tongue-tied to come up with saying something not ridiculously stupid and actually manage to have a worthwile conversation with another person. |
I guess it could depend on where you are or what sort of event is taking place... |
I agree completely, it depends on the context. It would be different if you were at a music concert, in a library, in a grocery, at work, or passing in a hallway between classes. It could also depend on the time of day, weather changes, day of the week, or significant news events. I know "depends" isn't the most helpful reply, but if you gave us even a few contextual clues it would be easier to offer more concrete suggestions. |
They are right, of course. If you are looking for a script, we need context.
Here are some general rules for a conversation starter:
Ask a question. A general one, that isn't too personal, that cannot be answered for a yes or no, and that is appropriate to the situation. An example might be in an art gallery asking someone what they think of the piece in front of them, or at a concert which set so far they've enjoyed the most.
Be prepared to build on their response in a positive and not too personal way. If they liked the art piece, for example, talk about what you like about it. If they didn't, do not take it as a jumping board to totally destroy the piece, just build slowly from there.
And so on.
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Humphrie4
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="DenvrDave"] | Arcadia73 wrote: | | I agree completely, it depends on the context. It would be different if you were at a music concert, in a library, in a grocery, at work, or passing in a hallway between classes. It could also depend on the time of day, weather changes, day of the week, or significant news events. I know "depends" isn't the most helpful reply, but if you gave us even a few contextual clues it would be easier to offer more concrete suggestions. |
Yes you are right I should have specified a context. I am a college student but I was referring to situations in general in the question. The question 'what subjects do you do' normally elicits a blank response such as 'A levels' or a boring list of 'maths, english, chemistry, etc.' Then the conversation sort of goes dead and I feel awkward. Yeah, I know completely what you mean about personal questions. I find these difficult myself and hate to/get anxious about replying with anything that is wrong/ i.e. drop my self in sh**. As a result I try not to ask these myself. |
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Humphrie4
Hummingbird
Joined: Nov 08, 2009
Age: 18
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Question: Is it ok to approach a group of people evenif they are strangers to try and make conversation and if so how would you normally go about doing so without making a fool of yourself. Alsowhat does 'NT' actually stand for? |
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