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pensieve
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18 Mar 2010, 5:39 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.

At least you know now that monotone isn't phony and that some people can only speak like that.

I can add this to my list of when NT's have misunderstood autistics.
Aka. lack of eye contact....untrustworthiness.
Monotone......phony
Not speaking much.....not liking someone.

No wonder we get along so well. :roll:


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MichelleRM78
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18 Mar 2010, 5:41 pm

pensieve wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.

At least you know now that monotone isn't phony and that some people can only speak like that.

I can add this to my list of when NT's have misunderstood autistics.
Aka. lack of eye contact....untrustworthiness.
Monotone......phony
Not speaking much.....not liking someone.

No wonder we get along so well. :roll:


I agree. I am glad I learned enough about AS to learn that-- because it was very difficult to connect with my bf's son at first. It's amazing how much we all misunderstand each other.



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18 Mar 2010, 5:58 pm

Thanks goodness my voice isn't monotone. Only sometimes.



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18 Mar 2010, 6:19 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.


I can definitely understand this. When I was younger, I never used gestures when I spoke. In elementary school, the kids in the gifted program had to make and present a speech every year. I remember my mom telling me to gesture more when I was practicing reciting my speech to her. I tried, and it just felt incredibly awkward and phony to me. It felt so alien I just knew I looked ridiculous doing them (even though they were completely natural-looking), so I stopped trying. Ironically, your boyfriend's son would probably feel like he was being a phony if he tried to put more inflection in his voice, even if it meant others would stop getting that impression.


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18 Mar 2010, 6:55 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.


That's funny; because I have the same reaction to animated voices with a lot of inflection. :) I used to think that most of the world was being fake, and it wasn't until after high school that it hit me that it probably wasn't true that 90% of people were insincere most of the time, and that the problem was with my interpretation.


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18 Mar 2010, 7:07 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
ursaminor wrote:
But I seriously doubt that it could leave out half the message.
Maybe it depends on the sentence.
Half the message in gestures is a lot.


Actually, it may be much more than half the message. If you google non-verbal communication, what words are actually said make up a VERY tiny percentage (around 7%) of what NT people perceive. The rest is style of speech and body language.


Just 7 percent?

That's such an alien concept...I find that hard to put in perspective...


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18 Mar 2010, 10:58 pm

MichelleRM78 wrote:
ursaminor wrote:
But I seriously doubt that it could leave out half the message.
Maybe it depends on the sentence.
Half the message in gestures is a lot.


Actually, it may be much more than half the message. If you google non-verbal communication, what words are actually said make up a VERY tiny percentage (around 7%) of what NT people perceive. The rest is style of speech and body language.


But clearly there is a non-verbal message to the monotonous expression other wise u and the rest of the NT wouldn't get it as unpleasant or as an indication for lacking a comm skills,
It seems that u just don't like the message because it doesn't conform to your expectations which for many of us are unrealistic and even harmful
AS don't spread their "love" around the way NT do
At the work place i do my job and do it well
that's the way i express my affection to the public
by serving him to the best of my proffesional ability
my more infectious expression are reserved to the women i love
sorry,but,unlike the NT i cannot fall in love with any passerby



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18 Mar 2010, 11:00 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.


That's funny; because I have the same reaction to animated voices with a lot of inflection. :) I used to think that most of the world was being fake, and it wasn't until after high school that it hit me that it probably wasn't true that 90% of people were insincere most of the time, and that the problem was with my interpretation.


99% of people are insincere most of the time
if u succeeded at integrating into that u lost something very important



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19 Mar 2010, 12:09 am

nara44 wrote:
99% of people are insincere most of the time
if u succeeded at integrating into that u lost something very important

I'm very interested to see what you have to support that statement.


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19 Mar 2010, 12:26 am

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
ursaminor wrote:
But I seriously doubt that it could leave out half the message.
Maybe it depends on the sentence.
Half the message in gestures is a lot.


Actually, it may be much more than half the message. If you google non-verbal communication, what words are actually said make up a VERY tiny percentage (around 7%) of what NT people perceive. The rest is style of speech and body language.


Just 7 percent?

That's such an alien concept...I find that hard to put in perspective...
Well, if somebody said. "This is a cool game.", the meaning of this changes depending on how the person says it and how their face looks. If you just read the words, you would only see that statement as a positive thing, but if there is an eye roll with the word cool or if it is said in a sarcastic way, it's completely different. This happens in every conversation, that's why it's such a big percentage :)



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19 Mar 2010, 12:48 am

pat2rome wrote:
MichelleRM78 wrote:
This is just my POV (and I am NT), but a monotone comes across as phony and uninterested to me. My bf's son is very "robot like" with his monotone voice. When I first met him, and didn't know anything about AS, he came off as uncaring and phony. I didn't like it. That was my initial reaction. I suspect it comes across that way to other people as well.


I can definitely understand this. When I was younger, I never used gestures when I spoke. In elementary school, the kids in the gifted program had to make and present a speech every year. I remember my mom telling me to gesture more when I was practicing reciting my speech to her. I tried, and it just felt incredibly awkward and phony to me. It felt so alien I just knew I looked ridiculous doing them (even though they were completely natural-looking), so I stopped trying. Ironically, your boyfriend's son would probably feel like he was being a phony if he tried to put more inflection in his voice, even if it meant others would stop getting that impression.

My mum would always tell me to make eye contact. My teacher helped me by saying just look at the back of the room.


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19 Mar 2010, 2:17 am

pat2rome wrote:
nara44 wrote:
99% of people are insincere most of the time
if u succeeded at integrating into that u lost something very important

I'm very interested to see what you have to support that statement.



Me too.

What do you mean by "succeeded at integrating into that"?


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19 Mar 2010, 3:03 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
pat2rome wrote:
nara44 wrote:
99% of people are insincere most of the time
if u succeeded at integrating into that u lost something very important

I'm very interested to see what you have to support that statement.



Me too.

What do you mean by "succeeded at integrating into that"?


"That" means u dismiss your interpretation as invalid and "grew up" to learn to lie like everybody else
Probably faking eye contact and affection like many other on this thread
if u need an explanation or a theory to support my assertion i have many but the mere fact that u need one promise that u wouldn't understand any of it
anyway i don't think that people are faking just because they are bad(they are)
Truth is very involved and complicated thing and beyond the reach of most of us,
most people truly believe they are sincere and they may really mean what they say at the moment they are saying it but it is very rare for someone to really live up to his word,
in case u didn't notice people words and actions are not exactly a match made in heaven
what we see and what we hear is out of sync most of the times(hence eye contact problems to the more sensitive and honest folks among us)
if it wasn't so rare the world wouldn't be such a crapy place



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19 Mar 2010, 7:38 am

nara44 wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
pat2rome wrote:
nara44 wrote:
99% of people are insincere most of the time
if u succeeded at integrating into that u lost something very important

I'm very interested to see what you have to support that statement.



Me too.

What do you mean by "succeeded at integrating into that"?


"That" means u dismiss your interpretation as invalid and "grew up" to learn to lie like everybody else
Probably faking eye contact and affection like many other on this thread
if u need an explanation or a theory to support my assertion i have many but the mere fact that u need one promise that u wouldn't understand any of it
anyway i don't think that people are faking just because they are bad(they are)
Truth is very involved and complicated thing and beyond the reach of most of us,
most people truly believe they are sincere and they may really mean what they say at the moment they are saying it but it is very rare for someone to really live up to his word,
in case u didn't notice people words and actions are not exactly a match made in heaven
what we see and what we hear is out of sync most of the times(hence eye contact problems to the more sensitive and honest folks among us)
if it wasn't so rare the world wouldn't be such a crapy place


I don't fake affection. However, a total lack of eye contact, facial expression and vocal inflection is read by most people as indicating hostility. Since I am indifferent rather than hostile to most people, what is wrong with adjusting my nonverbal signals so that they will transmit my intent in ways that will be read accurately by most people? This is not lying as I am not trying to deceive people. Prior to learning about the purpose of nonverbal communication, I was unintentionally sending false signals.

The fact that I needed an explanation meant that you had not explained yourself clearly enough. Please don't try to blame me for the fact that you threw out a two-sentence assertion with no evidence to back it up.


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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


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19 Mar 2010, 8:41 am

Who_Am_I wrote:

I don't fake affection. However, a total lack of eye contact, facial expression and vocal inflection is read by most people as indicating hostility. Since I am indifferent rather than hostile to most people, what is wrong with adjusting my nonverbal signals so that they will transmit my intent in ways that will be read accurately by most people? This is not lying as I am not trying to deceive people. Prior to learning about the purpose of nonverbal communication, I was unintentionally sending false signals.

The fact that I needed an explanation meant that you had not explained yourself clearly enough. Please don't try to blame me for the fact that you threw out a two-sentence assertion with no evidence to back it up.


I don't blame u but life doesn't need evidence and what i wrote is based on my life experience which include countless little incidence and details and as such it is not suitable to be treated as some equation or formula,
i didn't meant it as an offense
if u feel ppl are sincere so be it
I don't
But even from your current response i can see that i may have some valid point since u have chosen to conform to the way other misinterpret u and by doing so u r not only harming your personal integrity but also damaging the vital struggle of the AS as a group to get a recognition as a legitemate identity and a way of life,
and by doing so u may took what look as the easy and the shortest path but in the long run not just us but society at large would loose a great deal,
because,
Many of our traits are interpreted wrongly as hostile while we perfectly know that they are not meant as such
fact is it is the hostility of the NT which is responsible for the wrong interpretation
our lack of eye contact, facial expression and vocal inflection(not always, mind u) is an essential part of our id
u r the way u behave
medium and message are one
if u change the way u behave because ppl mistake u for being something u know perfectly well u r not u become something worth
u loose contact with your inner logic and consequenlty your integrity and talent
there is no point in tolerance if in order to enjoy it u have to fit a distorted version of u
NT should learn to accept us as who we are(we are good ppl) if not they can f**k themselves as far as I'm concern
i tolerate them they should tolerate me(never forced an NT to behave like me,i can get and accept that there are different type of ppl and many different way to experience the complex reality we occupy)
it's as simple as that

in short
your intentions are good
but u r sending a misleading signal
both to the outside world and to yourself



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19 Mar 2010, 9:36 am

Sorry, I am not good with this quote thing, so I am going to try to address just a couple things:

Many of our traits are interpreted wrongly as hostile while we perfectly know that they are not meant as such
fact is it is the hostility of the NT which is responsible for the wrong interpretation


I don't know that NTs are responsible for the wrong interpretation. The majority of people are actually wired that way, therefore it becomes what people expect. If you have never been exposed to something, you aren't going to understand it. Example: I watch the show Mystery Diagnosis sometimes. These people can go through many, many doctors before they get an actual diagnosis, because the doctors had never been exposed to these diseases. No, I am not calling AS a disease. I am referring to the lack of exposure to AS for most people.

NT should learn to accept us as who we are(we are good ppl)

I think most people would accept AS people for who they are. With the mis-communications, however, its hard to understand WHO you are.

Example: Men and women mis-communicate all the time. Most of the time its like we are speaking different languages. I adjust my communication in order to relay my thoughts and feelings to him and vice versa. I speak very differently to my girlfriends. I don't think that it's me having to disregard who I am. Its me putting effort into communicating with those I really want to.

The fact is, AS and NT people need to interact. There is not a separate country for people with AS. We all need to do our part to understand each other. People with AS who refuse to explain or adjust at all won't help this situation. It's not just NTs who need to adjust. This is why I like forums like this. It gives us a harmless way to actually say how we all interprete things. It's educational and eye opening.