Ever FEEL like your parents don't like you?

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It's pretty normal for people to feel that way about friends, families and co-workers. You can like and even love someone but find them annoying at times. I know when I'm tired and overstimulated I don't want anybody around and my feelings aren't to do with the people, but to do with me. When my kids start fighting I get very overstimulated. I love them but sometimes I want to put them on hold or mute.

Sometimes feelings of dislike go deeper. My own father never liked me. Thankfully I have a step-father who is better to me, though we had our difficulties growing up (mosty due to my untreated/undiagnosed ADHD which several doctors missed).

When my eldest son was diagnosed several years ago it helped a lot to learn about AS and ADHD (that's when I finally got mine figured out). Interacting with Aspies on here helps a lot. Understanding what it's like for my son helps me respond better to the stuff he does. Puberty hasn't been a lot of fun so far and I'm sure he thinks there are times I don't like him so much.

I've thought about it in the past. I don't remember ever being touched or held or even talked to that much; of course, I couldn't really speak for many years but would have enjoyed being talked to. I don't believe they disliked me. I think they were ashamed of me; at least I know my father was. My mom had problems of her own so it's hard to tell. Sorry to sound like such a downer.

I had a hard time understanding the concept of love as a child espicaly since my parents were so cruel sometimes to me or at least I preceived them to be so cruel. I've never been able to love anyone as much as I do my bearded dragon. She's the only living thing I could trust 100% My mum suspects I could have RAD in addition to AS because I was bascialy adondoned by biological mother and didn't receive the certian attention I needed at the certian time. I wonder if I have RAD too.

Luzhin- Are you sure you didn't push them away when they tried to connect with you when you were very small? My eldest did that a lot. He got overstimulated really easily and couldn't tolerate a lot of interaction of any kind. He became more affectionate and cuddly later and now doesn't seem to have any issues with touch sensation. Middle son was a cuddly baby but now is hypersensitive to touch. He's still cuddly, though. Maybe that's not the case for you but you might want to ask your parents about that as your memories may not be complete from those very young days.

Punky-I've probably got a touch of Attachment Disorder as well, probably not enough to diagnose, but enough that it affects my life slightly. I was born very prematurely so spent a lot of time in an incubator as a baby. My bio. father was very cruel to me as well. I did, and still do, have a loving mother and my step-father made an effort too which is probably why I don't have more symptoms.

Kiley- Anything is possible I suppose. My parents are gone so all I have is memories left. I do know my mother did not liked being touched at all so did not like holding us children. She was institutionalised for some time in the 50s but I'm not sure for what. After the shock treatments I don't think she knew either.
My father had a very bad temper and was a yeller so I learned to avoid him as much as possible. I know he was ashamed of me. He had big plans for his oldest son and I was simply unable to live up to his expectations. I don't believe he ever tried to connect with me; in public he barely acted like he knew me.

My dad had anger issues, he would sometimes beat me up for not behaving, though for some reason he changed his ways and has become more understanding. All his mistakes can now be attributed to his poor understanding of social mechanics (ironic coming from an aspie ) and basic psychology. My mother is a different story however - though she claim to love kids, she's even more self centered than I am, and couldn't take care of her own children - let alone her autistic son (me). Needless to say, my siblings 'hate' her as well. As a child, I was subject to what I like to call intellectual neglect - my parents would never read for me or give me intellectual stimulation, so I was left alone to my own thoughts. I'm still bored by their presence - not to sound arrogant or anything, but they fail to amuse me , and constantly underestimates me. To this day, I think my pushed me in the wrong direction, making me more prone to depression and anxiety, making it harder to trust others, to feel attachment. RAD is out of question however, I only have slight problems with the A, not the R & D. I don't relate inappropriately to others, like the RAD diagnostics suggest, I just have trust issues and lack the ability to feel/recognize feelings such as love/closeness.
I also don't think much about people who's not present or I have an uresolved argument/matter with, you can't really expect me to care/notice if you're gone -and because of this I have a hard time maintaining friendships. In a way your excistense is a product of mine

Last edited by Assembly on 26 May 2010, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was convinced that my parents hated me, as a kid, between the ages 7 and 13. I've learned to keep a lid on my obsessions and emotions, after those years.

I don’t feel it, I know it.

Growing up, my mother regularly told me that she hated me. She only ever said this to me, not my (NT) siblings. I was an embarrassment to her because she believed being good-looking and popular were the most important qualities in a person, and I was neither (nor did I aspire to be).

All I can say is, thank goodness we have been estranged for many years.

Speaking as a parent I think for some parents the seeming (from the child's perspective) dislike is due to plain ignorance and not understanding whats going on with the child. I used to get very frustrated with my daughter for not trying hard enough with some things or seeming to muck around and not pay attention, or being a certain silly way.
I felt it was for lack of a better term 'wilful', I just couldn't understand any other reason why she was like she was. So we had arguments and I used to get angry at her a lot for being useless (although I never said that).

In fact she has a learning disability and some motor issues. I spend a hang of a lot of time with her now, have learned how she 'ticks', how to strongly motivate and encourage and support her and we really like each others company. But I'm guilty of being a poor parent in the past and I wonder if I hadn't been able to find out about and accept her difference how things would be now.

I am pretty sure my parents really would like for me not to be in the picture. The only reason they have not thrown me out is because they feel bad about all the beatings they gave as a child for things as mundane as mumbling or dragging my feet. They made my childhood a living hell, I plan on using my Aspergers as an excuse not to take care of them when they are elderly. Maybe I should treat them the way they treated me when I was a child when they get elderly.

Thanks all for wonderful replies. I was not sure if anyone would reply, but I was quite sure that people would probably have some similar feelings. I can understand why parents reading this would have a much better understanding of why people end up feeling this way. Unlike what my auntie thinks of me when I discuss this with her, I think none of us here are ignorant enough be totally oblivious to their love for us and think that they totally hate us.

My story is like this. My Dad was quite an angry person, too. He would shout and hit furniture very hard. Once recently, when I asked him, he said claimed that it had been easy to bring me up, but I know he hasn't found it easy at all. My Mum treats me totally different from my brothers because they have a different Dad. You would think that I would get treated the best, but it's the other way around. I am made to do things that they aren't, treated like I am less mature and presumed to be bad with money, even though I am the total opposite. My brothers are NT and one, a lot older than me, still lives at home and gets the kind of treatment you would expect to be given to someone with AS struggling to find their way in life. He gets the best of both worlds. A fantastic social and love life with full support from family. I have recently made a bold decision to go to another country alone to learn the language and see if I want to move there. My parents do not agree that I should be doing this. The reason is a selfish one, because they are worried about what could happen to THEIR son. And, that's fine; that's what parents do. But, they wouldn't be quite so worried if they actually ever believed in me. That's what I don't like. That's why I feel like I'm on my own now.

my parents love me but I KNOW they wish I was "normal." My whole family wishes that.

My parents REALLY wish I was normal. I feel like they really don't like me just the way I am.

My parents were very liberal, so they encouraged me to be different by all means. Nonetheless, they would get frustrated with me at times. It was mostly other family members who found me very strange- cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents- and more than anything, I would not want to deal with them because of how they'd react to me.

My father loves me. He even likes a lot of things about me. But in general I think I annoy him, and am a disappointment and a worry to him. I feel he likes and loves me, but holds me in a sad contempt... I say sad because I know he wants to respect me, but I'm a failure. So... it's complicated.

My parents don't seem to understand me very well and get pissed off when i start doing my usual aspie traits.