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Amajanshi
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28 Jan 2012, 7:16 am

csuli wrote:
Hi, all. I'm 36, and as yet undiagnosed, but finally realizing the likely cause of that the outrageous social problems I've had over the past couple of decades. My question is this: My parents say I was a very outgoing child, and I remember as a kid actually seeking people out wherever I went, and never hesitating to engage with them. (But, then, maybe I was extreme on this scale, since as an elementary-school aged kid I would walk down the street and knock on doors to hang out with various housewives.) Not until my 20s did things take another turn, and I became "antisocial" and introverted, to the point of losing contact with most people from my past.

So, is this typical? I'm still trying to get beyond wondering if I'm just depressed...


Asperger Syndrome as the medical community currently knows it is something that people were born with, and if anything, the symptoms should be more severe and obvious in childhood, with traits slowly reducing over the next 2 - 3 decades with the development of more coping mechanisms and intellectual compensation.

There has been a notion called "Middle Age Autistic Burnout" where ASD adults put in a lot of effort to fit into a predominantly NT society, but find it cognitively exhausting, and then they slowly give up and can't be bothered anymore, superficially regressing to be much more introverted than before, and this may jeopardize their employment as well if lots of vapid NT-social interaction is involved. However they won't actually lose their verbal abilities, just that they prefer to spend much of their time by themselves, and only interact socially when it's really necessary.

There may also be the case that you are an Aspie, but you were outgoing when you were young coz you didn't realize how socially awkward you are and how many things you did that are now considered "silly" and "shocking" when you look back, and so you become much more self-conscious these days. Some Aspies also managed to make friends with some NTs in the past, but as they grow older, they realize that it becomes too stressful and tiring to maintain the friendship in a NT-socially-acceptable manner, so they slowly drift apart and become more "antisocial", as you say.



Letsrave
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29 Mar 2012, 9:17 am

Another_Alien wrote:
I experienced something similar(ish):

I showed some signs of Aspergers as a very young child, e.g. little professor, but my life was pretty normal until puberty (and I was pretty ourgoing). Then I stopped developing emotionally for about 10 years, i.e. until about 23, then started to improve slowly, before improving much more rapidly in recent years (I'm now 44).

I have 2 theories for the OP:

1 - People with Aspergers are NOT always naturally introverted. This is a myth. Sometimes Aspies are naturally extroverted, but have rubbish social skills, so they lose confidence in social interaction, and become withdrawn, i.e. they really want to socialize but don't know how. I'm pretty extroverted myself. Even when my ASD was more 'severe' I had no problem initiating conversation, making jokes, etc. I simply struggled with mature conversation (relative to my age), and didn't have the confidence to talk at length to people of my age or older (except family and some close friends).

2 - If a person with Aspergers is extroverted, but very immature, their condition may not always be obvious when they're a child because (1) they are extroverted and (2) their childish behaviour is simply written off as, duh, childish behaviour. In their teens and twenties, though, it becomes obvious that they're much less mature than their peers, and that something is very wrong. Also, as their peers mature rapidly at this time, emotionally, the Aspie is left behind, and may become isolated.


I am recently diagnosed and discovered Autism spectrum. Your post is a perfect match of my experience growing up. I was extremely effeminate, outgoing, and very self consumed. Looking back at video is embarrassing, but also helps piece together things that you hadnt before, and gain an understanding of your progress in adapting. For me, social awareness seemed nonexistent till puberty. Watching video of myself at Christmas at 14 years age brought back memories of how I would consciously force myself to watch each person open their present and attempt to gauge how my reaction should be, based off their response to the item. This is just one example of many.

If anyone has access to old video, can be a good help



taxman
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28 Apr 2012, 10:51 pm

In my case I was less social as a young child, more outgoing as a teen, but then returned to being socially isolated as an adult.

I think for me being outgoing was basically roleplaying in an attempt to get along better, but I did find it extremely draining.

I did not know anything about Asperger's until I was in my 30s, although I learned later that teachers thought I had "autistic tendencies" as a child.



J4mes
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08 May 2012, 5:19 am

I have fleeting memories from when I was very young (~5 years old) of being quite confident but as I got older my (what I now know to be) AS traits started coming through in a big way.

This is actually something that I've been thinking about quite a lot over the last couple of years; I wouldn't say that since my teenage years my Aspie-ness has got any better or worse, it's more like it's changed. I function a bit better in social situations now than I used to, but I'm far less tolerant people/the general public than I used to me.

Whether that's the AS changing or whether it's just life experience I couldn't say for sure however.



Blownmind
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18 May 2012, 6:03 am

Quote:
Late-onset Asperger's?
Like many have stated in this thread, there is no such thing, but there are many reasonable explanations for why it has not been discovered earlier. I myself have been flying below the radar for many years, despite many kids and adults calling me weird. Alchohol has been my social lubricant for many years(almost every weekend), but after an incident with the police I stopped drinking and my sociallife went all downhill from there. I coped apparently well socially up until I could start drinking(at age 14-15), and until I stopped drinking(at age 24). This could be perceived as late-onset Asperger's. (on a side-note, alchohol "helps" for two days, the first day you are drunk or "in a good mood", the next day you have an excuse for being you, since it's normal to have a hangover)

munky101 wrote:
I am finding now, in my 30's, that since I am living the "family man" lifestyle and I am not the party boy anymore, I feel more and more uncomfortable around groups and crowds.
You're not alone, as you can see from my above reasoning. I am a father now, living the "family man" lifestyle.

1000Knives wrote:
Now I got like almost a decade worth of crap to fix in my life. It's hard, because now everyone sees me and thinks I should be in school and/or working to make lots of money, and to me it doesn't matter anymore. I just want to fix the specific things I see wrong in my life right now, and until those are fixed, I can't pursue the other things.
After I stopped drinking, I tried out some work here, and some work there, wasn't really successful attempts. I've drifted away from my family. I have no contact with any old friends except one guy who luckily is very persistent and wont give me up. I've tried initiating contact with former friends, but I've met little reciprocation. These are a few things, but there is also the personal shortcomings I need to figure out how to deal with. Right now I'm trying to figure out what crap is worth fixing, and what I should just discard.

So learning at age 32 that you have Asperger's isn't a pleasant surprise, but it's still very nice to finally get some answers to all the questions you've had growing up, and also getting some tried and proved tools to improve my life.


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AQ: 42/50 || SQ: 32/80 || IQ(RPM): 138 || IRI-empathytest(PT/EC/FS/PD): 10(-7)/16(-3)/19(+3)/19(+10) || Alexithymia: 148/185 || Aspie-quiz: AS 133/200, NT 56/200


JPDisme
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15 May 2013, 8:59 pm

I'm late to this thread, but I would describe it as late-recognition Aspergers rather than late-onset. There were also some comments above about Aspies who were "faking" social skills but I would describe that as "over-compensating" for a social flaw that they recognized in themselves.

I'm a songwriter-- and writing has been my own personal therapy for overcoming social awkwardness. There is a feedback-loop involved in songwriting and I know that some of what I write means nothing to others, but there is also an over-compensation where I will go way out of my comfort zone to write in a way that WILL matter to others. It's a tactic but I don't consider that faking social awareness. If anything, it's a case of documenting and expressing the social rules for the "norm" that everyone else grasps intuitively.

I'm borderline in my Aspie scores, so perhaps that's why I can toggle the switch between Aspie and seemingly social behavior. But I dislike social situations and know in my heart I'm over-compensating for a known weakness.

As a counter-argument I could even say that non-Aspies are OVER-stating their emotions on the opposite end of our spectrum. ie- chasing popular trends, TV shows, idolizing celebrities, etc, in their mad race for mediocrity and their dream a life in the middle of the bell-curve-- where they are socially accepted and unchallenged. Why should they feel so comfortable and safe because they're achieving mediocrity? Aren't the 80% in the middle of the bell-curve the ones who need the most therapy?



.



shamo
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25 May 2013, 12:57 am

well first of all am almost 30 y, i do have problems and am seeing a psychologist . i went there bc i have anxiety(and other stuff) that started from my childhood but i get treated now for depression. i didn't know about autism but reading your experiences i can relate very well on a lot of points. now i read that autism goes hand in hand with anxiety & depression.

-very bad socially
-can't keep eye contact
-hate crowed enviro...
-never been in a relation...
-i hate getting to close( physically) to someone or getting touched i(body, don't know how to act) get stiff.
-difficulty with emotions, even when family member died i coudn;t cry.
-living solitude for years now.
-hate hard sound or people talking loud.

etc..


i am trying to figure out how i should ask my psychologist about it that i want to get tested for autism.
i am thinking about emailing her a letter bc i am not good verbally , may i ask you people who had a diagnosis on a late age , how did you ask for it bc am afraid that they won't take it seriously.



Tomas73
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25 May 2013, 1:49 pm

Hi all :)

I can relate to A LOT of what has been written in this thread.

I was outgoing and outcast, but have got better at socialising with age, and still find it tiresome.

I had much trouble at school, particularly with peers. I tended to resort to friends of a different age to me, if they were more tolerant.

I received a diagnosis of Depression and Anxiety in the early 90's. (I'm still prescribed anti-depressants.)

I used drink and drugs for years from an early age, but the sh*t hit the fan I when tried to do the family thing, and failed. I just couldn't cope. I didn't give up, but it was impossible at the time.

My mother, a very experienced and accomplished children's teacher and parent of three, told me in my early adulthood, that she suspected I may be Aspergian, this was mid 90's. She had good explanations for this view, but said that when I was growing up (70's/80's), I was just labelled as a "problem child" wherever I went.

I reluctantly asked my GP about Asperger's, in the mid 90's, but it didn't come to anything.

At 39, I received a diagnosis a couple of months ago. It explained a lot, and helped me be more accepting of myself. Now I try to let myself retreat from some stressful situations and tasks, if I think it is reasonable to do so. So I may well seem less sociable.

How one receives a diagnosis is very dependant on their location. Even within the little UK here, it differs from one county to the next. I had to be very proactive (this is essential) in order to get seen be an appropriately qualified professional. GP's often know less than us!, as we tend to have analysed our situation with far more insight than any brief appointment can offer. I was actually told flat out that I categorically did not have Asperger's, by two doctors, but then went on to receive a diagnosis from an actual specific Adult Asperger's Clinic! (NHS), after extensive interviews, and tests.

Diagnosis of the syndrome (a collection of clinically recognised traits) is most definitely achieved through an almost detective like exploration and analysis of all aspects of an individuals life, both past and present. No one or two similarities or differences will provide a diagnosis either way.

I do feel quite bitter about all the confusion and intolerance that has been in my life, but am trying to move on with more wisdom and pragmatism now that I have an explanation.

Good luck