chrissyrun
True love is rare, don't envy an illusion
Joined: Oct 24, 2010
Age: 20
Posts: 13788
Location: Hell :)
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 Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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Everyone has needs.
Fill them? |
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DGuru
Toucan
Joined: Oct 25, 2010
Posts: 281
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| Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:43 am Post subject: |
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| chrissyrun wrote: | Everyone has needs.
Fill them? |
You're right. Socializing isn't worth overwhelming myself. |
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mds_02
Skank
Joined: Sep 10, 2011
Posts: 1970
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:17 pm Post subject: |
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I can relate to what a lot of people are saying about feeling fake or manipulative when planning out social interactions with a purpose. However, the way I behave naturally does a very poor job of conveying the real me. I don't think I'm being dishonest if I behave in "unnatural" ways in order to demonstrate genuine personality traits.
What I mean is, if I were act as came naturally to me in every situation, people's perception of me would be "weird, slow, possibly unstable guy." But by consciously thinking about the way I come across to people, and making changes in the way I act to effect it, I've upgraded to "quiet but friendly enough guy." Which is both a huge improvement, and much closer to the truth. |
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acentupleflat
Raven
Joined: Aug 10, 2010
Age: 19
Posts: 119
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:24 am Post subject: |
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| I think you're right but I just never get it. |
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cleo
Blue Jay
Joined: May 05, 2010
Posts: 97
Location: USA
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:47 pm Post subject: Just Smile! |
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You CAN study all these books and rules and TRY to apply them IRL (we all do it at some point)
But As Whalewatcher said:
It was tiring though, like playing chess all the time, with more complicated fluid rules.
Social interaction is based more on "looks" than anything. See "Halo Effect". You have to take into account the research that shows how people attribute "good" characteristics to beautiful people. The guy who appears to get away with snarky remarks may simply have the right proportion of facial features.
Our best bet is to use the Heuristic Effect, which operates like a transitory Halo Effect. SMILE and project happiness. People will think you are "good" and "nice" and "kind" and your advice is "well meant" and your comments are "funny". IF you are projecting (what feels to many of US) like a phony "bubblyness" and cheer.
If you have ever been around people in the upper monetary classes, you will find they have this phony social personae down to a science. Like politicians appear to be all concerned as they shake your hand and listen to your gripe. It actually works. Research HAS shown that people react positively to a smiling face.
When people on here tell you: Hold Your Head Up, Make Eye Contact, and SMILE. They mean it. It works.
(NT's are emotional and easily swayed. hee hee)
_________________
I am AS through and through. But living in a community that's 99%+ NT for over half a century, one picks up a few pointers. |
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fraac
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Mar 24, 2011
Posts: 1865
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| Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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| With crazy people, read them and tell them whatever they want to hear. The reading part should be super easy for autistics, you're just sensing the shape of their ego. With basically sane people, give them what they need rather than what they want. |
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